He didn’t know when his hatred stopped making sense.
He hated her—Lu Qingyan—for being able to smile so easily. For accepting everything, everyone, even the ones who left, as if abandonnt was just another normal part of life.
He hated how she didn’t cry at the airport.
He hated how she never clung to anyone’s leg and begged.
He hated how she made it look so damn easy—being left behind.
And he hated the whole damn family for moving on like it ant nothing. For adjusting so smoothly to new walls, new beds, new guardians.
He hated how they could carve out a different life while he was still standing in the rubble of the old one, bleeding from wounds no one rembered inflicting.
He still rembered the way Lu Jing had squatted to his level and patted his head that day. A smile was on his face, but it looked more painful than kind.
"You’ll live with Dad from now on."
It was said gently, but he could hear it. The subtle lift of relief in his tone. As if unloading a burden. As if saying, Finally.
Back then, he said nothing. Just nodded. But he noticed how fast Lu Jing walked away afterward, how he didn’t look back.
He thought of that one ti—the first ti Lu Jing was supposed to attend a parent-teacher eting.
He had said with a shrug that it didn’t matter, that he’d just sign the paper himself. But the truth was, he had reserved a seat.
He had waited by the school gate in his too-big uniform and scuffed shoes, pretending to scroll through his phone while glancing up at every adult who passed.
He watched as other kids ran up to their parents, tugging on sleeves, showing off perfect scores or asking for snacks. Laughter filled the air, warm and whole.
But he just stood there, invisible in a crowd of joy. Drowned in it.
Only later did he find out.
Lu Jing had gone to the wrong school.
He didn’t even rember where he studied.
It was only later that he found out Lu Jing had actually rembered his school incorrectly.
And when he apologized, he did it with that sa professional smile he wore for his business partners. Then he handed him the newest tablet, wrapped in sleek packaging.
"Dad rembered wrong."
Like that would fix it.
Then he recalled how during the new year, he only received two cold and detached automated ssages notifying him that money was transferred into his account.
Outside the window, fireworks exploded, lighting up other people’s smiles. He sat on the couch, alone, the TV playing the Spring Festival Gala.
He tried to laugh at the skits, at the actors in gaudy outfits pretending everything was fine.
But the laughter caught in his throat. He picked up the remote and hurled it, then the glass on the table, then whatever else he could find.
Everything shattered.
Even then, no one ca.
No one noticed.
On such a desolate and lonely night, perhaps only by venting on the dance floor, or going racing in the mountains, or going partying with this group of scoundrels, will there be a false sense of excitent and liveliness.
It was the only ti he didn’t feel like he was rotting.
Because no matter how awful he did in class—even when he turned in blank exams—he was still accepted into the best school. Because his last na was Lu.
No matter how defiant, how foul-mouthed or violent he was, the teachers didn’t dare touch him.
No matter how many terrible things people whispered about him, Lu Jing would only chuckle, shake his head like it was all too beneath him, and go back to reading his docunts.
In these monts where the haziness and pain were woven together, a sunny and brilliant afternoon suddenly appeared before his eyes.
It was all aningless.
Everything was hollow.
Then, in the fog of his own mories, a flash of sunlight intruded—a mory he didn’t want, yet it arrived anyway.
A small girl tugging his sleeve with chubby hands, struggling to keep up.
She fell.
She cried.
"Big brother, don’t go!"
She clung to his jeans with scraped knees and wet eyes, and he, foolishly, had stayed. Just a bit longer.
He had told himself he hated her.
Lu Qingyan, the good girl in everyone’s eyes. Obedient. Well-behaved. A perfect daughter in Ivy’s eyes.
He hated her—
Didn’t he?
Lu Mingxuan quietly leaned against the wall as he looked at his dark surroundings.
His mind felt incredibly dizzy and the sense of self-loathing that appeared made him nauseous.
He even covered his mouth and retched a few tis.
He suddenly felt that the loneliness was like a tide building over and was about to swallow him whole.
Did she also spend countless nights like this?
Did she also stay alone in an empty and desolate house, feeling like she was about to suffocate.
Maybe she was also very scared, maybe she...
Maybe she was the sa as him where, for so long, they only had themselves.
The way he treated her, how was it any different from Ivy or Lu Jing?
In fact, he was even more vile, more hateful.
"Lu Mingxuan, you’re truly a f*cking bastard."
Yeah, he really was a bastard after all.
He clearly hated such a person, yet he beca such a person.
How ironic.
Lu Mingxuan stared at his reddish knuckles as the sll of alcohol perated from his body into the surrounding air.
A WeChat notification sound ca from his phone and a flash of brightness appeared in the darkness.
He sluggishly fumbled for his phone in the dark.
Then he slowly opened his eyes and saw that familiar pink icon.
Yanyan Wants to Get Rich Quick: I still have sothing to do, so I’ll leave first.
Lu Mingxuan blinked and stared at the indifferent words, then noticed the WeChat userna that had been changed.
An extrely uncomfortable emotion appeared in his heart.
At this mont, a hint of liquor courage appeared as he picked up the phone and pressed the voice recording button with great strength.
Reviews
All reviews (0)