Arabella took a deep breath and straightened her back before she looked Alwin straight in the eye.
"I do still long for Andrew. I still think about my forr lover even now, especially when people keep ntioning him. Even if he is already married to soone else, it’s not so easy to forget soone you love. My heart still aches both from the fact, I couldn’t have him and that we are both married to soone else now. Soone once told , your first love would remain in your heart forever," Arabella said and Alwin grimaced.
It was a lie of course. She doesn’t even care about Andrew now and barely rembered his face. She just wanted to trigger Alwin even more and possibly even Raymond, to think that it would be best if Arabella and Ferdinand gets a divorce.
Aletha who ca to serve everyone’s tea turned pale at her words.
[What is milady thinking?! What if they get furious and hurt her? His Majesty would also get insulted by these statents. If they told him about it, what if he punishes milady?]
Aletha was panicking. She looked like she might pass out if she heard Arabella’s next statents so she sent Aletha to retrieve cookies from the kitchen.
’If I was reborn before the wedding, we wouldn’t have to go through these. Maybe, I could have convinced Ferdinand to refrain from marrying . Or I could have done sothing so he would have gotten disappointed in and canceled our engagent and wedding.’ She wondered once again if the gods were toying with her.
"Your Majesty, I have never experienced love and may never will but isn’t it inappropriate to keep treasuring soone who will never be yours when you are already married to His Majesty?" Alwin glared at her despite a warning glare from Raymond for him to stop.
"You truly do not understand what falling in love is like," she said dramatically. "Even if I wanted to forget so easily, I couldn’t. I also wished to forget but my heart won’t let ."
She was disgusted by her own statent but she continued anyway.
"If you are so loyal to my husband, then think about it as sothing like not ever getting the chance to serve him ever again for whatever reasons. Or, suddenly losing your ability to use magic without knowing when you can use it again," Arabella said and Alwin paled. He clearly hated even just the thought of those ever happening.
"That is how I feel. So how can I not dislike the person who caused it? Wouldn’t you dislike or even hate the person who caused you not to be able to use magic or serve my husband ever again?"
It was clear on Alwin’s face, he would. He looked like he wanted to say a lot of things but stopped himself.
Even Raymond turned silent and took a sip of his tea so Arabella pushed through.
"Moreover, Valeria is still new to . So, of course, I would choose Lobelius even if you ask a hundred tis. It’s not about liking or disliking Valeria. Call naive, but my family and the people I know and cherish are all in Lobelius. I am a re princess there, but I am with people and places I am familiar with. It is my ho. I eat what I want. I dress how I want. I go wherever I wish. And I do whatever I wish. Of course, I still have to follow rules, but I am much more free. I don’t have to worry all the ti that I may make a mistake or that people might misunderstand ."
In short, she was saying wanted to go ho and see everyone. That Valeria may never be a ho to her.
"It is true that my husband has not yet mistreated , but who knows about the future? All the rumors I have heard about him so far were scary. The only positive things I heard about him were his strength, power, and wealth. He surpassed my forr lover in all three but it doesn’t an I would fall for him in an instant due to such things. He is a great ally but not as a lover."
Alwin was wide-eyed and stared at her for a while at her long explanation.
After all, if it was Arabella in her previous life, she wouldn’t have had the courage to say all this when she was eighteen. She feared losing her life if she made a mistake. Likewise, she didn’t want to disappoint Ferdinand so she just remained silent most of the ti. She would have never dared to say all of these.
[His Majesty would never hurt you.] Raymond and Rendell thought but Arabella ignored it. She already knew he wouldn’t be violent toward her.
Ferdinand did not physically hurt her in her previous life, but he had their son killed. It was so much worse than hitting her. She wasn’t a masochist but she would have preferred if he beat her up instead of killing their son. He could have told her to educate their son to lay low if he didn’t want the latter to be his heir. He didn’t have to go so far as eliminate his own son.
"So what I’m saying is, I will never love your master. I can do my role as the Empress but who knows how long I can do it despite what I am feeling inside? Liking or loving Ferdinand is a difficult task for . If you have soone you think would be best for your lord, isn’t it better to be honest and tell him now than let him be with and suffer?"
Arabella tried again. Maybe, she could still convince him a divorce was best.
She pointed out she may never move on from Andrew so she was implying it would be better for her to part with Ferdinand and go back to Lobelius. That Ferdinand should marry a new Empress to prevent future problems.
Alwin’s face looked like he fully agreed but sothing else seems to be stopping him to agree that a divorce was the best course of action.
Arabella tried to push a bit more.
"Valeria doesn’t gain much from an alliance through marriage with Lobelius," she added and both Alwin and Raymond clearly agree, though the latter was trying to be nice and not make it obvious on his face while the forr nodded without trying to be polite.
Her family would be grateful if Valeria could keep Lobelius as an ally even in the instance she and Ferdinand get divorced. But they wouldn’t be so shaless as to be dependent upon Valeria’s strength when there’s no benefit in it for the empire, so it would also be fine if they cut ties with Lobelius once the divorce happens.
"I know I am not suited for the Empress’ seat. I do not fancy your lord and he does not fancy either. Wouldn’t it be better to get a divorce now?"
’Please agree. Please agree,’ she internally chanted.
"I believe you are misunderstanding sothing, Your Majesty. I am rely voicing my displeasure with what I see because I am worried about my lord. But that doesn’t an I want you to part with His Majesty. I just wish you could be more considerate of his feelings. I have never fallen in love, but I know my master certainly did. He will never agree to a divorce," Alwin eyed her so seriously as if he was so sure.
’Huh?! What are you saying?! You are supposed to be my ally in getting a divorce,’ Arabella lanted as her hope crumbled before her yet again. ’You are misunderstanding your master. Is Ferdinand even capable of falling in love?’
Arabella stopped her thoughts when she realized she was basing it on the past again and was refusing to budge.
"His Majesty is in love with you," Alwin repeated and sothing in his voice and eyes bothered her. What was it? Sadness? Regret? Fury? Or a mixture of all these? It was as if she was translucent and he had seen through everything. Even her soul and mind. Or her past and present.
Alwin’s eyes slightly changed colors and Arabella gulped when there were even tears threatening to fall from them.
Arabella froze as all of a sudden, her chest hurt and she recalled Ferdinand’s first and last smile before he died. That smile still haunted her so much.
"Your Majesty, the Emperor is not expressive with his emotions so it’s hard to notice, but His Majesty is in love with you. He wouldn’t have sent a marriage proposal to Lobelius if he doesn’t fancy you," Raymond added.
[And, divorce would never be allowed between the Emperor and the Empress. No, it cannot happen because His Majesty will never let go. A dragon only has one mate and once he finds her, he would follow her even in death. His Majesty had gone past the point of no return.]
Arabella did read about it in a book of legends in the palace library. Accordingly, it was one of the reasons dragons were wiped out of existence. Their number dwindled because most of them chose to die once their lover dies or they die out of loneliness.
It was said to be a curse that dragons were born with. They were the strongest race, but they die of loneliness, sadness, and too much devotion as if to stop them from flourishing and growing too powerful to dominate the world.
’But Ferdinand is not a dragon. And Ferdinand doesn’t love . Not in the least.’
But why does her chest hurt? Why couldn’t she forget about that haunting smile? Why was she wavering?
Reviews
All reviews (0)