Shui was taken aback by the suddenness of the question. For a brief mont, she didn’t answer. Not because she didn’t know, but because she wanted to choose her words carefully. It was like all the ti she spent with him until now began playing in her mind like a movie.
"Well...we are still seeing each other, getting to know each other. But yes, I do see him...more than just a friend," she cleared her throat.
Hou Fa looked at her, attentive.
"I care about him deeply," she continued. "And I admire him. I feel like I want to keep spending more ti with him. It’s fun to be with him. But more than that, I respect him. For the choices he makes every day, even when they are hard."
Hou Fa let out a quiet breath. "He was never good at talking, - even as a child. When he was hurt, he would just withdraw. Sit in a corner and stare at nothing. Luli and I thought he was being difficult. It made us crazy because we could never tell what he was thinking about."
He gave a bitter smile. "We were wrong."
Shui nodded. "He still does that sotis. He doesn’t lash out or bla others. He just takes it all onto himself."
Like the whole guilt-tripping regarding Cai and Ru Yi...
There was a long pause before he spoke again. "Back then, our house was never quiet. We had constant argunts about work, money and expectations. I only cared about what would give the shortest path to success."
Shui glanced at him. "Did you really feel that...Lin was a burden? Please don’t misunderstand . I am not trying to accuse you or anything."
His pace slowed down as he stared at the ground.
"I didn’t hate my son. I just...was a very ambitious man. I wanted to be the best. Earn the best position and lots of money. Sa with Luli. We both were very career-oriented."
He paused for a mont and said, "Yeah, I am being indirect about it but there was a ti I did consider taking care of him was...burdenso. We didn’t want to expend our energy on him when we had so many opportunities being presented before us. In retrospect, I believe we simply weren’t ready to beco parents. But we thought we would be able to handle it. We should have really waited before planning for a family."
Shui stayed silent. She was actually taken aback by his honesty. He had been silently glaring daggers at Lin the whole ti, so she assud he wasn’t really happy with his visit.
"...Aunt told that you were living separately all this ti."
Hou Fa only smiled. "I really sucked at it. The bla-ga and fights got really bad. But I missed her a lot. We didn’t talk at all. Neither called each other. I went into drinking and all. I had absolute zero clue as to what was happening in my life. I was just passing each day as it ca. So naturally...I never ca to know what happened with Lin and when he went to prison. I was a ss. I know I should have been there for them. Cai was also all alone."
Shui watched every twitch and movent pass across his face. He was narrating his side of the story as if it ant nothing much, as if he had already made peace with the mistakes he had made and the fact that he couldn’t go back in ti and reverse the damage he caused.
Yet sowhere in his eyes, a hint of remorse and sorrow still glistened in them.
"Have you told this to Lin?"
His shoulders dropped faintly in resignation. "What’s there to tell? There is just too much pain and resentnt. Don’t you see? Cai didn’t even tell Lin about Luli. He didn’t co to visit her today either. He hates us. Lin said he will keep dropping by to visit her. Then when Luli..."
His voice shook at her ntion. It was clear that despite the long distance and separation, Luli’s imminent future crushed him. The love for her was still alive in his heart.
"Lin will have no reason to co here again. He also has Zhong Sihan on his side. He won’t need . It’s better this way.
"Do you really think that?"
"Will you tell to express my feelings and try to nd our relationship?"
Shui smiled. "You can try. You cannot change the past, but you can take small steps towards the kind of future you always wanted it to look like."
Hou Fa only continued to watch the mother-son duo walking in front of them in silence. He didn’t agree nor deny her words.
The kind of future huh...
—
"How was it talking to Aunt?" Shui asked while returning to the cafe.
Lin took a quiet breath. "...She is weak. But she was still pushing herself to laugh."
"I don’t think she was pushing herself. She was genuinely thrilled to have you visit. I would say it was excitent, not pushing herself."
"...She shouldn’t get too excited. It’s not good for her."
Shui slowly placed her hand over his, holding her fingers firmly over his knuckles. Feeling her warmth, Lin’s cheeks ached.
"I didn’t know they lived separately all this ti."
"Aunt told ," she quietly said.
A small silence fell.
"What did...you talk to him about?"
"Lots of things," she smiled. "Listening to him, I thought that you two need to have an honest conversation, but he doesn’t see the point."
"We had plenty of honest conversation before lunch."
Shui said nothing at first. Then said, "He has gotten addicted to drinking after they got separated. That’s why he didn’t know about prison ti..."
His eyes widened and he jerked his head towards her. "Drinking...? He wasn’t a drinker in the past. He wasn’t into that."
She faintly smiled. "I guess then it says...how badly lonely he felt that he had to resort to alcohol. I am not defending or whitewashing him. I just..." she pursed her lips, "wish to see you and Cai free from the pain and burdens of the past."
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