Hou Luli continued. "At first, we blad Yahui for everything. The boys left us because of her - that’s what we told ourselves. That she was a bad influence on them."
She smiled wryly as she looked down. "But it was quite late when I realized that Fa and I were just using her as a scapegoat all along. It was convenient to bla her while being blind to the fact how much we, as parents, had wronged them. Things...only went further south for us after Lin and Cai left. The fights beca unbearable that also affected our careers. Eventually, we separated."
Shui’s eyes widened. That was not a confession she had expected to hear.
"Yo-You...you two are..."
"No," she shook her head. "We are not legally divorced. We decided it was for the best to live separately, so I left the house and moved to another city. We didn’t get divorced though. Even today, I don’t know why, even though I know how unbearable it was at the ti."
She released a small breath, her eyes glazing as if they were slipping into a trance.
"I had thought to...talk to my sons. But I didn’t. They had completely cut us off from their lives. I just couldn’t face them then. So I quietly started anew in the new city. Got a new job, new house...everything was so peaceful, yet...also so lonely. I missed them, yet as each day passed by, it only beca more difficult to connect with them again. But I held hope that we would et again one day and resolve our differences."
She turned her head towards her slowly, a fog enveloping her eyes. "It was last year when I learned about my cancer. Even with all the treatnts, the doctors said I would barely have a year to live. That was the harsh truth that ca upon like lightning...I-I kept thinking that I had ti..."
Her voice shivered and trembled as if she was standing amidst the vastness of cold ice.
"Tomorrow, I will call them. Tomorrow, I will et them. Tomorrow, I will talk to them. Tomorrow, I will see them. I kept pushing our next conversation to tomorrow until...I realized that I didn’t have that many tomorrows left at all. I was standing at the very edge of my end and yet...I had salvaged absolutely nothing at all."
Tears fell as she silently sobbed.
"The reason...I never t Lin in prison is because I didn’t even know he was sentenced. I had no clue that sothing this devastating had happened to him. That my son lived six years in jail and I didn’t have the foggiest idea of it. No one from the police contacted because I think..Cai has handled everything on his own, choosing not to involve us."
Shui’s gaze flickered with sorrow. She wasn’t much aware of what had transpired at the ti of Lin’s arrest. As far as she knew, Jun had taken care of Yahui’s funeral and Lin’s police formalities. He had probably involved Cai at that point, but after that, it was his decision to not notify their parents. Lin, too, with Yahui’s loss, wasn’t in the state of mind to think about his parents at that ti.
"...I returned to Beijing because I couldn’t wait any longer. I didn’t have the ti anymore. I was afraid of what Fa had been up to. I didn’t know if he...had soone else. But I wanted to see him because I knew there wouldn’t be a next ti," she then smiled faintly. "But Fa was still here. Living alone just like . He was shocked when I suddenly rang the doorbell one day.
But I didn’t care what he would think about . I didn’t wish to burden him with this news, but my limited ti...made yearn for my family again. I wanted to see my husband and my sons again..." she bit her lip, choking. "This is who I am. A selfish person through and through who left my sons’ lives when I wanted and returned when I wanted. I am the most horrible person in this world..."
"B-But Lin misunderstands us. Fa also didn’t know about his prison ti. He is too stubborn for his own good, and he felt it was humiliating to approach Lin first to resolve their differences. He said he had been waiting for them to co to him. He was stupidly hardheaded just like . By the ti we learned, he was already put and had begun his new life. But trust , Shui, if we had known what he had gone through, we would have never stayed silent. Cai also..."
Shui noticed her complexion turning paler.
Hou Luli chuckled with self-loathe. "Cai never told us about Lin just like he didn’t tell him about my health. He never...felt the need to tell us about Lin’s life. It was then that it finally ca to how miserable we had left them. We were never there for them when it mattered the most, so he thought it was inconsequential to involve us. Our even greater cri was to keep waiting and waiting for the right ti to co together, until I didn’t have the luxury to wait anymore..."
Hou Luli placed her hand on her chest. "I don’t know why I am telling you this. I know I should be telling all this to Lin and Cai..." she breathed unevenly.
Shui quickly said, "Calm down, Mrs. Hou. Please sit down for a mont. You are not breathing-"
"I-I really should be talking to them but Cai...he rejected . He clearly hates so much...He will never co to et and Lin is also probably just pitying ..." tears spilled more and more. "I ruined everything..."
She stumbled a little, but Shui quickly caught her. Panicked, she urged her to sit on a chair. She firmly held her cold hands, trying to provide her reassurance.
"Please look at , Mrs. Hou," she whispered in a soft voice. "Please just look at ."
---
Back at the dining area, an unnatural silence lood in the air. There wasn’t even a single word exchanged between Hou Fa and Lin in this entire ti - which was only increasingly agitating Hou Fa. His fingers twiddled under the table.
He eventually blurted out. "So you won’t greet your father, huh?"
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