Trigger warnings: ntions of r@pe in a past life, torture, abuse, and thoughts of suicide. Make sure to take care of yourself and skip this chapter and the next if necessary.
Finding a clearing off of the beaten track, the guys and I set up camp. It had been so long since we had had to do it that it took a few tis to get the fire going. Luckily for us, I still had my RV, so we didn't have to rember how to properly put up a tent.
The guys must have sensed that I had sothing on my mind because as soon as I pulled out the RV, Chen Zi Han brought inside and into the bedroom. He tucked in under the covers, handed my reading tablet, and kissed on the head.
"I'll let you know when dinner is ready," he said. "Is there anything that you wanted?" he continued. The RV was constantly stocked with als in the freezer, ingredients in the fridge, and snacks in the cupboards, so I didn't have to take anything out of my space when we wanted to eat.
"Up to you," I said, looking up at him with a smile. If there was one thing I could always count on, it was Chen Zi Han's need to feed and take care of .
"Then you just relax and let us take care of the rest," he replied before giving another kiss before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.
"I like him," said Crazy as she appeared on the bed beside . "You have done much worse," she continued with a nod. Pulling out a bag of chips from our space, she opened them up and started to eat.
"You know it drives bat shit crazy when there are crumbs in the bed, right?" I demanded, watching bits of salt and vinegar chips onto the bed. "And I really don't like how you guys are able to randomly take stuff from my space."
Crazy shrugged her shoulder, sending even more crumbs onto the top of my blankets. "Bla Violence. As soon as she figured it out, the rest of us learned how to do it," she answered, turning to look at with a smile on her face. "And just how crazy am I driving you?"
I rolled my eyes and sighed, turning my attention back to my e-reader. I wasn't in the mood to read anything right now, but it was much better than being lost inside my mind right now.
"You know, it's like a band-aid. As soon as you rip it off, you let the wound bleed all over the place until you die of blood loss," said Crazy, blinking at .
"Not helping," I groaned, throwing the tablet away.
"I'm sorry? Was I supposed to? Because I am really not the one to turn to for advice or help of any kind. I could ask one of the other ones, but the only one around right now is Psycho, and not even I am crazy enough to think that she would be helpful in this situation," she said, vanishing the chips and turning to look at . "But seriously. There is no way to anticipate or prepare for their reaction until you see it for yourself."
"Really? Because I am pretty sure that my brain is doing a really good job going through every possible scenario right now, and not one of them works out in my favor," I grumbled as I brushed the crumbs off the cover.
"You know you are an idiot, right?" asked Crazy, completely seriously. "Your mind isn't actually working through the different scenarios in a logical manner; it is simply a trauma response ant to provide you with so sense of control over an uncontrollable situation. That ans it is one of us, your loving personalities, that is creating the scenarios inside of your head. And if I am to guess, it would be Fear or Pessimism working overti. Those two bitches work way too hard. They need to take a vacation soti."
"And when they learn that I was repeatedly forced against my will until all I wanted to do was slit my own wrists? What then?" I asked softly. I could deal with them learning I once ripped a person's ear off with my bare teeth in the cage or that I dug that sa person's eyeballs out with my thumbs. Those situations made look like a badass bitch.
Telling them that I was pinned down, a wire around my neck so if I moved too much, it would slit my throat while Reaver after Reaver did whatever they wanted? Well... that just made feel weak.
And let's face it, no strong woman would ever let that happen to her.
"I'm sorry, but I thought I was the crazy one here, not you," sneered Crazy, and for a second, I saw sothing truly terrifying swirling around inside her eyes.
"You think that you were weak because it happened?"
"I was weak because I let them do that shit to ," I replied, my voice raising in irritation. Why couldn't Crazy see that? "I was weak because all I had to do was sit up and let that wire slit my throat. Instead, I was too weak to take my own life."
"Ha!" laughed Crazy. Sitting up, she crossed her legs and looked at . "Every ti you say the word weak, I hear strong."
"And that is probably because you are Crazy," I shot back, forcing the tears back into my eyes. Never once did I see any part of my last life as being anything but weak.
"You were strong enough to let that happen to you when most would have collapsed. You were strong enough not to take your own life because, whether you realized it or not, you had people who depended on you. Let get this into your head… YOU WERE STRONG BECAUSE YOU SURVIVED. And if your n can't see that, then trade them in for a better model," said Crazy, screaming at .
"I would like to put in an official protest about being traded in for a better mode. You know the older, more beaten models are much more reliable."
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