Re:of life Chapter 52: A Trial of Choice

Huh? Trial? Has it started already?

Can’t she at least say what this trial is about?

She just left.

Just like that?!

I glance around, half-expecting her to be watching — maybe grinning behind so veil I can’t see.

Can she still hear ? Still spy on my thoughts?

...Damn bitch.

I always hated sketchy people like that.

Then — in the blink of an eye — the world shatters.

No, not shatters... it vanishes.

Everything disappears.

The floor beneath , the air around , all gone.

Just , hanging in the dark — the void.

Except it wasn’t gone. Not really.

It was still there...

Above ?

My feet lose all sense of ground.

Did I even have ground to stand on?

Did I ever?

But now I’m falling.

Downward... I think.

The void — once above — now shrinks away, like I’m being pulled from it.

Sucked into sowhere deeper, stranger.

My body keeps falling. My thoughts lag behind.

Is this the trial?

The start of it, at least?

A sick twist turns in my gut, sothing between dread and vertigo.

The sensation claws at my stomach, forces bile into my throat.

I nearly puke.

But then — as if falling wasn’t enough — the space itself begins to move.

Colors sar across the dark like paint on water.

Shapes start to ripple into view — towers, eyes, hands, clocks, all lting and reforming like wax.

Sowhere behind , a voice laughs... or cries. I can’t tell.

The sky has no top. The ground has no bottom.

I’m not sure there’s even a anymore.

Still, I fall.

Down, down, down...

To whatever lies beneath.

To whatever is waiting below.

As space and ti around appeared more clearly and vividly, mories ford—Ones of past lives, and ones I can’t rember... Maybe so that I don’t wanna rember as well.

Faces appear.

Familiar places.

Ones I wish I could forget.

Ones I was hoping to never need to think about again.

Ones I’ve tried my best to forget.

My mother, brother, and even my father appear. I can see them smile—mories of them,

when I was little, walking through the zoo on my father’s shoulders.

Holding my bigger brother’s hand as he teases about how the animals will eat alive.

My mother with that bright smile she always carried, One that made feel at ho. Holding her warm hand as I eat the ice cream she bought to stop my crying.

mories of at ho, walking to school for the first ti. My mother, of course, following there on the first day, Picking out my clothes, a backpack, and a lunchbox.

Ready to go, we head out the door.

It’s clear that I was feeling a nervous, tingling feeling in my stomach.

Even as I fall down this endless pit of mories forming, I can’t help but shed a tear.

I miss them.

Those words are ones I’ve been holding onto for far too long. Tried my best avoiding even thinking about it. And the words I forgot to tell them were that I love them... that, and goodbye.

But as those thoughts ran through , the mories kicked back into absorbing again. Ti passes quickly, and I seem to grow—less and less mories are with my family... people in general. There are both happy mories but also sorrowful ones.

Ones with my first real friends in middle school... but watching these mories clearly, they weren’t real friends. Real friends are the kind I have today.

These faces... I almost forgot the nas of, even though they acted like good friends—or I thought they were. But as ti passed, even them, the best friends I had, moved away, finding new nests, new groups, new people to form bonds with. As they did, their whole personalities changed, as if they started acting in a different way. I couldn’t even bring myself to talk to them anymore—not because I hated them, but because they seed so different and distant, like I didn’t know them anymore.

That was the first big reason I began to stop starting new friendships. I began being a loner—not talking to many, not looking at many, not caring about many. I was simply there, doing my best to make my mother happy.

It was around this ti my father had gotten into that fight—prisoned by his non-conscious cri. That’s when I realized what people are... all of them are bad. Caring about them is just a waste. The only ones you could believe in and trust are your family.

I barely got through my grades, though. Most of the ti, I could lie about how I got a good degree, but my mother quickly caught on. My brother started becoming more distant, calling dumb for not being able to make it through school.

I even told them I had friends—a lot of them. But both my mother and brother could see through that act easily.

And then I just stopped. I stopped caring—about school, about family, about the world. Except, of course, for the stuff that could take away into other worlds. Ones that made feel more at ho than my own life.

Playing gas, barely even talking to people online—most of them were just stupid anyway. Though so were relatable, it made feel like I wasn’t the only one. But as always, people aren’t trustworthy anyway.

Offline gas were the way to go for . I read a lot, watched movies and series. They always made feel alive—more than the real world did.

Well, all these things made my mother curious. She didn’t like it. But what did she know? Nothing.

Well... now that I think about it, I believe she did. But back then, why would I ever think she knew anything about it? She clearly knew I didn’t like school for valid reasons, and she tried to support all she could.

And the last mory I truly had from her was on my birthday... good mory, that would be.

When I turned 17, I almost forgot about it. But she surprised . It was her, , and my brother. She told she tried her best to bring my father, but she couldn’t make it work.

She had bought a birthday cake—one that stood at the table as I got ho from a walk through the city. That walk was also the first ti I started thinking it might be better to just end it. Of course, I didn’t do it that day. I an, I didn’t have the courage.

But when I got ho, not even knowing it was my birthday... as I opened the front door, walking into the house, it felt a bit suspiciously quiet. Thinking not too much about it, I hung off my jacket and took off my shoes, walking into the kitchen to take sothing to eat.

That’s when the kitchen brought a light to my eyes—a good-slling cake. But before I even processed it, two loving faces jumped up from their hiding spots, shouting, "Happy birthday, Kaito."

It brought a smile to my face—a genuine one I hadn’t worn in a long ti. It felt good. Very good.

That day, I was laughing. Having fun with my family. Of course, it all would’ve been better with my father there. However, we were up for almost half the night—playing board gas and card gas, chatting with each other, enjoying ourselves.

Co to think of it, that was probably the best day I’d had in a very, very long ti.

It made think differently. I began trying to stroll over to school again, even if it was just once in a while. Then Christmas ca, and once again we had a great ti, even though I was feeling down most of the ti. Though there was a relief in my chest that I had school break, so I think I was more thankful for school break than Christmas itself.

Then I kept on going, going to school as much as I could—even though that wasn’t much.

But after sumr break, I stopped going to school completely. I guess I just didn’t have the energy or power to do it anymore.

And not long after—8 to 9 months after Christmas—I chose to take my life away.

I felt that was the clear answer to everything.

I an, no life, no problems, right?

Even though... dying with regrets felt awful.

Jumped off that bridge about one... maybe two months before my birthday.

To be honest, I couldn’t care less to rember what day it was.

But it didn’t matter either way.

I wouldn’t need to care about it if I was dead, right?

Well, I didn’t tell anyone back in Luminara it had been my birthday.

Well, who cares. I wouldn’t have liked to celebrate it anyways.

Plus, it would’ve most def interrupted everyone’s preparations for the festival.

That’s the last mory I can see—the last one stored.

I keep on falling, even deeper.

The space around starts to swirl again as new mories appear—newer ones—and relief fills my stomach as the ones from my family and old life disappear.

The sa relief I felt when I killed myself.

Does this place even have a fucking bottom?!

Lunithia is the one putting through this shit... is she watching?

Is she absorbing this?

From her view, thinking she isn’t greedy... doesn’t have desire for others’ lives.

That greedy piece of goddess shit.

Cursing, talking shit about the one who put through this, the space around becos more clear again.

This ti, mories from Luminara.

Am I supposed to just go through all this?

See my whole fucking life flash before ?!

Can I just close my mind and choose not to watch?

But these mories... are actually ones I like to cherish.

First one appearing is Yumiko.

Stubborn as always.

I almost forgot how stubborn she could be back when I first t her.

I really wonder what her background is.

There’s mostly good mories.

I read a lot, learned a lot, talked with people again.

And it’s such a big difference from my old life.

I changed so much thanks to the people back there.

It truly was a perfect life.

No pain, no regrets to think of...

It was just an easy life.

That ti and Yumiko were out in town, shopping for items...

She bought that necklace... I can’t seem to rember what it was for though.

I rember it was said to hold so kind of power.

And then the ti when we were preparing for the festival.

Truly a fun ti.

And then the most vivid mory I’ll be cherishing for the rest of my life—the festival.

The fireworks.

Umi... seeing her on that rooftop, her hair floating with the wind...

I rember it like it was just yesterday.

Actually, co to think of it, I spent a lot of ti with Umi during the festival.

Of course, I spent so with Yumiko as well...

She was always fun to be around, and she showed a different side of herself under the festival—which I liked.

Then after that, ti felt like it went way too fast.

Before I knew it, we were kidnapped... and well...

I lost everything—again.

mories float by quickly, since the ti I spent in Luminara was just within a month.

A short ti... yet more mories than I’d ever have in a year in my old world.

Again, the mories rampage around , swirling, making almost dizzy, as the colors make my eyes see things that don’t even feel real.

mories from the life I’m living now don’t appear.

Instead, the space around flickers.

The silence feels loud.

The colors are so bright I can’t even look at them.

Everything moves in quick motion, almost beyond comparison—

Then, suddenly, it all stops.

For just a split second, it feels like I land on sothing...

Water.

But it doesn’t splash.

Doesn’t make a sound.

A dark room surrounds .

The floor is water—

Water I’m standing on now,

Water I can’t see through,

Water with no visible end.

Standing there, three choices appear before :

A life back in my old world.

A life back in Luminara.

The life I’m living now in this world.

Or... nothingness.

They appear like gates.

Gates standing before in the endlessness of this watery void.

For , the obvious answer is either this world... or Luminara.

I want both.

But I can’t have both.

Do I really have to choose?

Is this the trial?

Depending on what I choose...

Do I pass?

Or do I just pick the path I’m going to suffer through?

"Please choose within ten seconds."

Lunithia’s voice echoes through the silence of my thoughts.

Ten seconds?

How the hell am I supposed to choose within ten seconds?

There’s the obvious answer—to go back to Luminara.

That’s where I want to be...

But this world... this life...

I want it too.

I want to stay.

I have friends here.

People I care about.

People who care about .

I believe...

I will choose—

A life where I can be myself.

A life where I can et people.

A life I can cherish.

This life... is that kind of life.

I step forward, getting closer to the gate.

Even as I try to silence my thoughts, I hesitate.

I rethink everything—

But I still move.

I step through.

I choose this world.

The world with the party I’ve grown attached to—

The people I can finally call real friends.

"You fail."