1
The night falls, the moon shining bright outside like an ember of elegance set alight in a blue fla. It resembles a lantern glowing softly, casting its peaceful, soothing glow over the land—a beacon of hope and quiet relief in the dark. Its reflections shimr like streams of light dancing on water. As it rises high into the sky, it feels almost parental, keeping watch when the world sinks into darkness. It's truly beautiful.
Downstairs, the others seem to be settling into their rooms earlier tonight. Maybe they're exhausted from today's events—or perhaps it's the sting of lost money weighing on them. Orin might be trying to save what little we have left, who knows? Whatever the reason, I'll take this as my cue to turn in early as well. The day left strangely tired. Maybe it's the run I had... or the breathtaking beauty I stumbled upon earlier. Whatever it is, I'm ready to rest and hope tomorrow unfolds at a slower, gentler pace.
Heading up the stairs, I move towards my room. Sela and Althea are already on their way to theirs—Sela practically skipping to her door, her steps filled with her usual lively energy. Althea gives her a cheerful "Goodnight!" before heading to her own room. My room sits between Farren's and Sela's, with hers being closest to the staircase.
As I pass her door, a faint glow seeps from the gap beneath it. Curious, I pause. A spark of worry flickers in my mind—has sothing happened? Of course, it's probably nothing. Still, I knock. Better to check than to regret it later. "Sela?"
"Yuh, co in!" Her voice, light and cheerful, bounces through the door.
Taking a breath, I step inside, though a nervous chill creeps down my spine. There's sothing about walking into a lady's room at night that feels... wrong. Yet, here I am.
As the door swings open, the first thing I see is her soft snow-white hair spilling down her back like silk, gleaming faintly under the dim light in the room. The nightdress she's wearing—the sa one from this morning—is mid-movent, cascading down her body as she pulls it over her head. It flows over her bare skin, sliding over her shoulders, down her chest, and finally settling around her waist. Her slender figure is fully exposed for a brief mont, her porcelain skin glowing faintly in the moonlight streaming through the window.
She finishes putting on the dress with a casual tug, her fingers brushing her hair free from the neckline. She gathers the long strands in her hands and flicks them behind her back with an effortless motion, the soft locks swaying like a curtain of snow.
My eyes dart instinctively to the pile of clothes on the floor—her entire outfit from earlier is strewn there in a careless heap: shoes, socks, skirt, shirt, and—
"What was it, Kaito?" she asks suddenly, snapping out of my thoughts. Her voice is teasing, her tone lighthearted as she glances over her shoulder with a playful grin. "You know, walking into a girl changing isn't really the most gentlemanly thing to do. Lucky for you, though, I'm Sela, and I don't see why people make such a fuss about stuff like that. So, what's up?"
"Oh, uh—sorry about that!" I stamr, heat rushing to my face as I quickly bow my head, trying to focus on the floor instead of... well, her. "I just saw the light under the door and got curious. I didn't an to intrude, really..."
She laughs softly, waving off my apology with a flick of her hand. "Relax, Kaito! I told you it was fine to co in, didn't I? Besides, it's no big deal. I usually use my lightning magic to get out of my clothes—it's way faster than doing it piece by piece. Who has ti for that, right? The only downside is... well, this." She gestures toward the pile of clothes on the floor with a small shrug. "In the morning, I have to put everything back on, and it's freezing. Like, seriously cold! And since it takes forever to get dressed, I usually just bolt downstairs to the bar and wait for the sun to warm the room up a bit. Makes sense, yeah?"
"Good! So, was that all, or are you just planning to keep staring?" she teases, her voice soft and sweet, yet playfully laced with mischief.
Without waiting for an answer, she casually tugs at the hem of her nightdress, lifting it slightly, the fabric sliding up her figure. For a mont, the motion reveals a hint of smooth, pale skin, but before I can catch more than a fleeting glimpse, I quickly avert my gaze, my face burning hot.
"N-no! Nothing else!" I blurt out, my voice cracking as I scramble for the door handle.
She lets out a soft laugh, a sweet, lilting sound that feels both warm and teasing. "Goodnight, Kaito," she says, her tone lively, her words lingering with that sa playful charm.
"G-goodnight!" I stamr, bowing my head slightly before stepping out and pulling the door shut behind . Pressing my back against the door, I take a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart.
From inside, I can faintly hear her humming, carefree and cheerful, the soft lody drifting through the door. Then, a faint thud follows as she flops onto her bed, followed by a stretch and a lazy yawn that escapes through the crack in the wooden door.
2
I drop onto the bed with a thud, feeling the weight of the world settle around as I pull the blanket over myself. It's cold at first, but soon warmth starts to wrap up, giving a mont of comfort. But it's only temporary. The quiet in the room brings the weight of the thoughts I thought I had left behind. Pain. Regret. Desire. Loss.
I don't even know what's going through my head anymore. It's all just... a ss. Tears slip down my face, cold against the heat of my skin. I can't stop them, and I don't know why. The pressure in my chest feels like it's going to crush , and I don't know how to fight it. My mouth curls involuntarily into a grimace, sothing painful I can't even control, and it makes my whole body stiff, tense with the weight of it.
The pain of losing people... No, not just people—those who were close to , the ones who helped the most. The ones who I'll never see again, never hear their voices, never feel their presence. It's like they were torn from my life in an instant. And all that's left is this... emptiness.
God, this world... this life... it's a hell. Nothing but loss, and nothing to show for it. Nothing good cos from living. It all just ends in regret and loss. I've seen it in everyone. People can pretend they're fine, act like they've got it all together, but deep down, it's the sa for everyone. Regret. Pain. It's always there. And I—damn, I feel it deep in my bones.
I hate myself. I hate this world. I feel so small, so weak, like I'm drowning in my own inability to change anything. I can't even find the strength to escape this damn feeling. What's the point of trying when all I do is lose?
The guilt is suffocating. So many regrets. So many monts I could have done better. But I always turned away from them. I lied to myself. The excuses—they ca so easy, a shield from the things I was too afraid to face. Every ti sothing required change, I just told myself it wasn't worth it. And I let it all slip away, piece by piece.
Why? Why the hell did I let that life slip through my fingers? I had everything, I was doing sothing. For once in my life, I was actually working, studying, pushing myself... and yet, in a flash, it was all gone. Snatched away. Just like that. No warning. No chance to fight for it.
But sohow, I'm still here. Still breathing. Still moving forward, even if I don't know where I'm going.
And then I think of her. Yumiko. The pain of not being able to be who I wanted to be for her.
I could have done better. Could have trained harder. Could have found a way to save her from all that filth, from that disgusting man. Could have been there for her. Could have made her feel like I was soone who could protect her, who could make things right. But I couldn't. I couldn't save anyone. Not even her.
I feel my chest tighten, and I bite my lip hard to stop from crying.
Why didn't I get closer to her? Why didn't I beco soone she could rely on? Soone she could trust, soone she could even look up to? It wasn't just about . It was about her.
I know what Julian wanted. I'm not blind. I know what he was hoping for—what he thought I could be. He had a plan, so political thing, and maybe, just maybe, I could have been a part of that. But now, that's gone too. Another piece of my life, taken away before I even got a chance to understand it.
The truth? I wanted to be soone Yumiko could respect. Soone she could depend on. Maybe even soone who could stand by her side, be her partner. Her lover. But now? Now, it's all gone. It feels like everything we could have had just... slipped away.
The only thing I can do now is work for it. Work to earn it. Work to beco worthy of that life I once wanted, of the person I could have been.
This ti, it's not just words. It's not sothing I'm telling myself to make feel better. It's real.
I've felt the pain, I've carried it long enough. And if training is the only way to start pulling myself out of this, then I'll do it. I'll train, I'll fight, and I'll get stronger. If there's any chance of finding my way back to her, I'll do whatever it takes to earn it.
Tomorrow... tomorrow will be different.
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