Suffer. As I have suffered.
I scread. I scread into unconsciousness. I scread as the deep dark drug backward and the voices whispered.
Again
I scread at the voice.
I didnt want to go back.
at.
I was just at.
at to be consud by whatever happened to kill next life. And the next. And the next. The demons face chased through the darkness and into the light.
Gentle hands shook awake.
"Boy-" Maya trailed off, flinching as I held her to , my entire body shaking. I could still feel the teeth, tearing apart. I could see the eye that watched, reveling in my pain.
"Sorry. Im so sorry."
I wasnt strong enough. I would never be strong enough. The gods chose poorly. This was it. This was all I would ever be. Teeth. I could feel the teeth. I felt the teeth the sword and the dagger the fire and they burned and pierced and tore bled dry until all that was left was a wretched husk of a thing I once was that scread into the void begging for it to end-
Arms wrapped around . They cut through the tempest of my mind. Maya held . She didnt know , but she held all the sa. A soft hand stroked the back of my head, nails brushing my scalp. Nails.
I saw Barions arm, bearing the dozens of scratches. My chest tensed again, wrought with guilt.
"I shouldnt have left you."
Maya knelt in front of and touched my face. Her eyes were confused, but warm. "We have all left others behind. We can only move forward." There was such compassion in her face. It was almost enough to hold back the storm.
Almost.
The images began to return. I shook, my skin crawling. Maya released and looked deep in my eyes, searching for sothing. Then her hand glowed green. "Peace now. Sleep, Nilend." Though it happened before in a very different context, I did not fear her. Her fingers brushed my forehead and I fell into a deep, dreamless slumber.
"I dont know whats wrong. He was fine. Ate like a dragon and drank like a horse." Barion snapped. I could hear him talking outside my door.
"Well he is not fine now," Mayas muffled voice countered, "Whatever happened, he is fragile. I will tend to him but you must give space to do so."
"Fine, fine. This whole thing has been a waste of ti anyway, whats a little more? Fix him." Footsteps stomped away. Maya entered with a steaming tray. Her scowl imdiately brightened when she saw .
"Youre awake."
"I am," I said, easing myself up on my elbows. It was strange how much better I felt. "What did you do to ?"
Maya nearly fumbled the tray. She placed it on the side table and stood back, the savory scent of tomato soup made my stomach rumble. Maya held her hands behind her back, her cheeks pink. Her tail moved back and forth in a lazy half-circle.
"I am a life mage. Healing is my primary talent." She said. I took a spoonful of the tomato soup and found the warm broth delectably salty as it ward my mouth and throat.
"Thats amazing. Ive never t a healer before. You must bring in a killing." I smirked at her.
Maya sniffed, "Oh yes, all the room and board I could want." Still, she seed pleased by my comnt.
"I-" I froze, rembering the depth of my pain the previous night. "Why am I like this? The last ti we spoke-"
"Your mind was fractured. I have seen it before" Maya wrung her hands. "Life mages are not limited to physical healing. We can also tend the mind."
Oh no. What had she done?
Maya must have seen the alarm on my face. She cut in quickly, "I didnt change anything. You are still you. It is called psyo-genesis. When a person goes through a traumatic event, sotis the mind gets stuck: they relive the mont, over and over. I would normally ask permission, but you were so"
Broken.
She didnt have to say it. I knew. I looked inward. It was still there, a dark mass roiling in my heart, but it no longer threatened to consu . I could stand against it. I would stand against it. I would fight.
"Thank you," I said. It felt like a vast understatent.
"You are not angry with ?" She looked surprised.
I chuckled and fell back against the bed, my hand on my forehead. "Angry?" As if I could be angry. It was hard to fathom. "You saved , Maya. I will not forget it. I swear it to the Elder gods."
A heavy silence hung between us. That particular oath was not made idly.
"I will not ask what happened to you" Maya said in a voice that betrayed curiosity, "but I do wonder, when I first t you, you mistook for soone else."
"Yes. Another infernal."
"You have known others of my kind?"
"She was much like you," I said, wanting to be as honest as I could. Maya perked up at that, clearly holding herself back from barraging with questions. Instead, she just asked one.
"How did you know her?"
I smiled. "She was my friend."
I strengthened my resolve. It was ti for a change. Id been going at this all wrong. For too long I had been on the back foot, relegated to reacting as things happened around . That had gone on for far enough. Throughout my entire life before the invasion, I was a perforr. Only Lillian saw the real , warts and all. I took on different roles and thrived in them: A noble in the royal court. A commoner in the bars and taverns. A pretentious bastard usurped by his sister. Now, there was a new role to play.
A hero.
It didnt matter that I didnt feel like one. Acting a part was simple. You played at it, tweaked it. Eventually, it fit you like a second skin. If I was going to play the role of a hero, I wasnt going to be one of those assholes that ran in blinded by his own shining armor. That was folly. It helped that I already possessed one heroic quality: I could plan like a bastard. And now I had all the pieces: Barion, the demon in the forest, the cellar, and Maya.
I knocked on Barions study door and made my apologies, explaining that I had such episodes since I was a child, but they were few and infrequent. He waved off and told not to worry about it. We talked about the poultices and salves he would need. Since wed had the conversation before, I was able to suggest a few I knew he would want before he spoke them aloud, and by the end of the conversation he seed comfortable and pleased, harboring none of the suspicion he held last ti. There was just one more thing I needed.
"I have a favor to ask," I said, "It would help greatly in my efforts, but I hesitate to impose on you further.
"An imposition to help you help is hardly an imposition, wouldnt you say child?" Barion set his pen back down.
"Very well," I said, careful to hide my nerves. "It would aid significantly if I could have an extra pair of hands for the next week or so." My reason for asking was two-fold.
First, my preparations had to be done within the next week. Though I might have assuaged Barions suspicions for the mont, I had already lost three days. I had no idea when his cage for downstairs would be ready, but it would be best to stick to the original tiline.
Secondly, I hated the idea of biding my ti while Barion did unspeakable things to the children in the basent. My reasons were not entirely magnanimousit would be a constant ntal distraction and I needed every focused mont I could scrounge togetherbut I did not wish to resign them to any more tornt than necessary if it could be avoided.
Barion stretched, mulling the question over. "Its a tall order, but I suppose the more intensive elents of my research can wait. Youll need her at night as well?"
"Im afraid so. Certain plants Ill be looking for can only be gathered during specific windows in the evening. Given the volu you want, I could do it all myself, but it would take quite a while," I lied.
"How long?"
"End of Winterscrest, if Im lucky."
Barion paled at that. "Good gods. Youll eat out of house and ho by then. Fine. Fine. Take her." He waved away and I left, reveling in grim satisfaction.
Maya seed confused by the request, but not put out. If anything, she seed happy to have a break from her usual duties, and who could bla her. I stalled for the first few days, falling back into the comfortable routine of gathering and preparing.
It was amusing how much better I was at compounding mixtures versus when I had started. In the beginning, I was flying almost entirely by the seat of my pants, putting skills to use that I had not bothered with in years. Now I was mixing with confidence, minding the temperature of the mixture and sunlight exposure. I added a few new concoctions to the list: a mild paralytic and poison. When Maya asked what they were used for, I just told her "intestinal distress."
Our conversations went much like the last resetthough Maya was more open to now. It seed the tone of our initial interaction changed much. I was at sothing of a loss in how to broach the topic that needed to be talked about to move things forward. After all, Id spent significantly more ti with her than she had spent with . I had to be hyper-vigilant not to refer to things that did not occur in this cycle. For this to work she had to trust completely. While I considered the best options, I went out of my way to treat her well. With what I knew about her now, it ca naturally.
As it turned out, I had been worrying for nothing. We had just finished the evening al with Barion. I had him howling with laughter, having told a thinly disguised story of the ti Uncle Luther had gotten stuck bare-arsed on the roof of the training barracks escaping a cuckolded sword-master in the middle of a blizzard, when there was a sharp crack and shatter across the table. Barion and I both jumped. The shards of a ceramic cup fell from Mayas hand, her mouth opened in a silent "O." Black blood trickled down her palm. Imdiately, I understood what happened.
Barion was halfway up, but I beat him to it.
"Looks like a job for the resident apothecary." I gave him a false smile, then hurried over to Maya. She was fixated on the broken fragnts. I took her hand and gently led her away. It took a few minutes to remove the glass and clean the wound. I was as gentle as possible, but it still looked like she was in a great deal of pain. If I was right, it had nothing to do with the glass.
Maya looked at silently.
"The great irony of a life mage, right? You can heal everyone else in the world except for yourself."
There was a quiet, muted noise as she shook. A sob.
"Are you okay?" I murmured.
"I am not," she whispered back.
If Barion saw her like this it was going to raise all the wrong questions. After a mont of thought, I pald a small vial that I would have used to numb the wound.
I raised my voice just loud enough to be heard. "Nothing to worry about, but its a bit deep. Head to the guest room, Ill et you there and mix so fresh anesthetic." Maya hesitated for a second, then nodded and left.
I returned to the table to clear it as was customary after our als. Barion ogled his dark-red wine, staring deep into it and swirling it idly. His mood had dropped, as it often did before he went into the cellar for the evening. I had just about finished when he spoke.
"Dont grow too attached to her, my young friend."
I stopped mid-way through cleaning a plate. Barion never referred to that way. It was always "Child" or sothing equally diminutive.
"Might I ask why?" I said, taking pains to sound vaguely disinterested.
"I fear Maya has grown tired of the work. Shell return to the enclave soon," Barion said casually. I closed my eyes, pushing the anger away.
"Will you be alright, sir?"
"Why on Earth would I not be?"
"By yourself, I an. With Maya gone back to her people and in Whitefall." I clarified. I was treading dangerous water but could not resist the subtle jab.
Barion drained his glass in a single gulp and pushed it aside. "I am always alone, Cairn. That is the path Ive chosen. Even now, with the two of you here. I am alone." His voice was low. I went to take his glass, but he put his hand on it to stop . "Leave it. Bring the bottle." I did as he asked, hoping all the while that he would drown in it.
I found Maya pacing in my room. She turned to , her eyes red. "You need to-"
She stopped mid-sentence as I held a finger to my lips, indicating the door. She shook, and shivered, and looked like she was about to explode. I grabbed a blanket, opened my window and stepped out onto the roof. Maya followed , taking my hand as she stepped onto the bed and through the window. She folded her legs beneath her and sat, a silent tear running down her cheek. I covered her shoulders in the blanket to shield her from the cold. She cringed at the touch, then relaxed. Her breathing steadied.
I sat beside her. We looked out into the clearing and the sky above. For once, there were no clouds, and a thousand stars shined brightly. I thought of Annette and Sera, of my mother, and wondered if they were looking up at the sa bright sky.
"Why are you so kind to ?" Maya asked quietly. There were many reasons. But none I could articulate.
"You sure you want to know?" I asked. "Its heavy."
"I want to know."
"Well, you see" I paused dramatically, trying not to smile as I saw her in my peripheral vision, shifting uncomfortably. I turned and looked straight at her. "This is all part of my master plan to seduce you."
The resulting silence was perfect.
"What?!" Maya squawked and leaned away from .
"Its true." I said seriously. "Now, Im only twelve, and I havent gone through puberty yet, but I figure if I keep this up-" I nearly bit my tongue as her small hands pushed viciously, nearly toppling off the roof.
"Okay! okay, I give!" I held my hands up in surrender.
Maya started to giggle, quiet at first, then louder until her laughter echoed across the field.
"Gross. So weird." She said, wiping tears from her eyes.
"How you wound , my lady." I held a hand to my heart. She fixed with a long-suffering glare.
Then the levity was gone from her face, instead twisting into sothing painful.
"Cairn, you have to go."
"I didnt think youd take it this badly."
"Im being serious," she said. "Barion isnt what you think."
"I know," I said.
"He-" she stopped. "What do you an?"
"I an I know."
"Know what?"
"I know about the cellar. The children. I know hes torturing them, trying to make them awaken."
"How?"
I thought about telling her the truth. But it was too much. It was hard for to believe most days. "Lets just chalk it up to being a nosy bastard."
"Then why are you still here?" She asked, bewildered, "Why did you not run at the first opportunity?"
"Im going to talk. Just lay so things out. Let know if I get anything wrong." I leaned back on the palms of my hands, gazing into the night sky. "You take care of them. The children. You heal them and try to make sure Barion doesnt go too far. You want to leavethis isnt what you signed up for and Barion scares you, but you cant because who will take care of them if you go? And sowhere, so part of you is terrified because youre sure, one of these days, that youll be the one in the cage."
"How" Maya sniffled beside , arms wrapped over her legs, face tilted down. "Yes. Thats all true. I should have fought him. Stopped him sohow. Im a terrible person."
I reached out and pulled her into a sideways hug. "Its not your fault. Theres no world where anyone but Barion is to bla for whats happening here. Youre a kid," I said fiercely, surprised at my own conviction.
"Youre a kid." She rubbed her eyes with both fists irritably, "Why are you talking like youre older than ?"
"My father always said I was terrible at acting my age."
"And you never answered my question. Why are you still here?" She searched my face, scared to hope.
"Because Im not leaving you here, Maya. We get out together, or not at all."
"But I cant," Maya said desperately, "Im all they have, Cairn. As long as Barion is here I have to stay."
"Then theres only one option."
I smiled at her.
"We get them all out."
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