Qinglian Chronicles Chapter 57

[NSFW and discomfort warning, different reasons this ti.

Tsk, tsk. Dumb children.]

Jinzi doesn’t look happy, and I know what he’s mad about. He seems to be glaring at like he was last ti.

All misdeeds will be exposed, in the end.

I thusly didn’t dare make a peep on the way back, not wanting to add oil to the fire.

But the way he clasped under his arm is really uncomfortable. Even if he doesn’t want to carry , can’t he just put on his back? Did he carry back the last two tis I fainted in such an unsightly way?

Dawn is breaking and the night wind is cool, not a soul on the streets. Jinzi moves quickly across the tops of walls like a character from a wuxia work, light and masterful.

The wind sweeps past my ears and hair. I felt as if I was flying.

Upon finally returning ho, he alerted no one as he jumped straight over the outer wall and went straight for my Water Pavilion.

The young maids at the doorway saw Jinzi had returned from rescuing and happily welcod us. He told them to get lost, frightening them into not approaching.

Jinzi kicked open the door and ruthlessly threw onto the couch. The whip lashes on my back were hit hard, the pain making dizzy for a mont, the robe covering my body haphazardly opening.

Him being so rough truly startles .

Jinzi’s gloomy face isn’t one that I’ve only see once or twice, but this ti is noticeably different. His thin lips are tightly pursed, sothing roiling about within his slanted and shining phoenix eyes – I’ve never seen him look so aggravated up til now. Though he’s young, he’s been subtle all throughout, a reserved and introverted person.

Everyone has the hidden capacity for violence and destruction in their hearts, so a normally composed and intelligent lady might go nuts and break things. There’s so people who might never have an outburst in the lives, though.

Jinzi currently looks like a wild animal that’s failing to control its heart.

My original feeling of being wronged yet guilty was instantly changed to dread: what would he do to ? If he did anything to , I wouldn’t be able to take it, unlike Yuan Qingyun. Even if he tortured further, even if my physical body gave in and surrendered, he wouldn’t be able to destroy the serenity within the depths of my heart. But Jinzi…

I probably shrank back, or my face betrayed a bit of my fear, because he was even angrier. He pulled closer, my injuries chafing against the bed, tears coming out from the ache.

He used his hands to tear open his own clothes, his body pressing down as if he’d gone berserk. I can guess his intentions, great alarm rising in : the wounds on right now are so heavy, how could I withstand his snowfall on top of the frost already here?

I used up all my strength to struggle in a flurry, but with the gap in our physical strength doesn’t make it useful at all. He restrains with hardly any effort, one hand nailing my bare chest to the bed while the other continues to deal with my lower garnt.

I don’t want to hate Jinzi!

My struggle is completely ineffective and unable to prevent any of his actions. I begged him in a desperate whisper, “Jinzi, don’t do this now… please, I… know that I was wrong…”

I’ve been begging a lot of people today.

He hardly paid that any attention, eyes sweeping over to coldly as he placed his hand below my lower abdon. I suck in a breath of cold air. I don’t have even a bit of interest right now, but I can’t stop the regular physiological reaction. Is this the male species’ eternal woe?

He straddled , and only then did I understand what he actually wanted to do, my eyes widening.

He isn’t using any lubricant beforehand, making enter him raw. My heart contracted into a ball at that. Finding it hard to witness, I shout, “…Don’t, Jinzi! That’ll hurt you!”

He laughed mockingly and grabbed my chin with so much force it hurts enough for my to think my jaw broke. His voice is glacial and fiery, “Did you just not want to be on the bottom? You could have just told ! …You didn’t even ask, how would you know I wouldn’t want to? —Or were you drooling over that Bao Yun’s charm from earlier on?…” He suddenly lowered his voice, speaking with teeth-gnashing rage and provocation into my ear, “Did he make you feel good? So much that you kept going to find him? …Shouldn’t you at least have a comparison?”

My face blooms red, my heart pained as if those words were knives stuck into it. I just shook my head vigorously, blinking back the stream of liquid starting to rush from my eyes.

He’d since lowered all the way down on with no sort of slicking-up whatsoever, dry and rough. Even I feel that the friction would hurt badly, yet he didn’t even furrow his brows. I try to get him off only for the movents to seem to make his pain worse, him making a stifled noise. Hearing the normally extrely strong-willed Jinzi groaning made think it was from the pain, scaring from making further random movents.

He didn’t hesitate to do so sort of chanical motion, a liquid slowly acting as a lubricant, making a certain part of my body very smooth and comfortable. He didn’t seem like he felt any pain as his movents didn’t slow at all. His young and handso face was completely expressionless, his eyes staring stonily at my face. That liquid overflowed from the place where we were joined, spilling onto my- no, Zhang Qinglian’s white jade-like body, an ever-increasing eyesore of dark red.

I feel like I can see many things in this slice of red. Did the 15-year-old Jinzi bleed like this when he was disgraced? What thod had Zhang Qinglian used to tornt him previously? What was he thinking about then? How is his mood now?

The sky began to spin and ground gradually turned about, my haemophobia reaching an unprecedented intensity. My body is gradually warming up from the pleasure while my heart cools down bit by bit, pulsing violently and contracting. It’s like all the blood in my body is flowing back into my heart, and I can even hear the sound of it beating, my surroundings beginning to blur…

I’m on the verge of… passing out. Why is it that Yuan Qingyun’s torture didn’t make dizzy, yet this is making that right now?

Humanity’s composition is really perplexing.

I lose awareness of the scorching pain on my back and rear, my gaze still hypnotized by the she short of irregularly spattered crimson liquid and I can’t look away. Can’t look away…

But I can’t faint right at this mont, I can’t allow Jinzi to do this while in such a mood… I fought to extend my trembling hands, grab onto his supporting arms on either side of , used all of my strength to sink my nails deep into his perfect and sturdy yet flexible flesh, and hissed out, “…Stop it, Yao Jinzi—”

Perhaps my voice was too anguished and ear-piercing, as Jinzi jumped in fright from it and ceased his movents, scared stiff. He slowly raised his eyes to .

I also raised my face towards him, only to find that my face was coated in tears. It took a good while of sobbing before I could talk. “…Jinzi, don’t. Not like this… I… I’m fine with being on the bottom… I won’t go looking for anyone else again, there won’t be anyone besides you and …”

Jinzi gazed at deeply. When I thought he’d ignore again, he got off, a certain part of mine returning from the warst place to the air accompanied by a small bit of chill and sense of loss. I ntally sigh in relief.

I thought he was going to talk with , but he laid down beside and turned over onto my own side, holding from behind and being careful not to ss with my wounds.

Seems he wants to do it to now. Though it’s my own suggestion, I’ve gotten the feeling that he was too quick to follow it, as if he was waiting for to say that. Yet taking back what one’s said is no good. This situation where I’ve had no better choice in the matter has happened a thousands tis before anyways.

I left the tears on my face to air-dry. My body is involuntarily rigid from the nerves, curling up slightly. He lightly gripped my uninjured upper arm and said in a low voice next to my ear, “Relax a bit. It’ll hurt at the start, but it won’t always hurt… I’ll be careful.”

I completely do not believe him. In accordance with my experiences, previous information and resources, and my own scientific inferences based on the structure of the human body, it not hurting is impossible. Though, in retrospect, I’m not really being fair to Jinzi. The last ti this happened I was already injured, so even if he was gentle the pain would still make want to die.

It should be given a chance. Maybe it won’t be as painful as last ti. Who knows.

Jinzi gets up from the bed to go get so kind of lubricant made of so kind of animal fat before coming back. He told to part my legs. I was ashad, but still did as he’d said.

His fingers were gentle, their tips sending a pleasant shock of electricity through when they touched, but when they tried to enter, I froze up from nervousness.

“Don’t be afraid.” He comforted with a soft voice, stroking my back that was strung up like a bow like he was calming a frightened animal.

The fingers that stubbornly squeezed their way into stay there for a long ti, until I slowly beca accustod to the uncomfortable foreign object. The application of the ‘substance’ also persisted for a long ti, until I slowly felt a little bit more comfortable. He almost used the whole case before he put it down and ca to bed.

Jinzi adheres to my back, and of course I can sense a certain hard thing pressed against . I know very well how big it is, so I can’t help but dread it. When he tried to get in, though I was adequately, I was still extraordinarily tense.

In my opinion, there’s a big correlation between tension and one’s ntal state. Tension makes the sphincter contract, making this process a lot more difficult and multiplying the pain. As a result, a long ti passed and Jinzi still wasn’t able to enter, and he didn’t have the heart to go any harder. The pain of these repeated attempts have made cry again, my body huddling up more severely, but I’ve held in my noises all along.

He tried once more and enter in a bit deeper. I shivered all over from the ache, biting my lip.

Jinzi finally gave up, sighed, and withdrew from .

Neither of us say anything.

He suddenly spoke up from behind . “I… it’s true that when Zhang Qinglian humiliated , I sotis thought of reversing it and pushing him under … I thought it, but… it’s also true that I didn’t like him. I didn’t have a trace of hesitation when I killed him…”

I unhurriedly turned my head to look at him, and he was gazing at . For the first ti in those phoenix eyes was a complicated and tender-ish yet sowhat anxious and uneasy expression. Sothing was moved, and gradually lted, in my heart. I heave long sigh, feeling my amassed sadness sweep away, my body relaxing as if I’d just finished running a marathon.

I think about it, smiling at him. “Jinzi… from when I was young until now, you’ve been the only one I’ve cared about like this… and it’s really unreasonable.”

My smile and voice were faint and calm as I said that, with only able to hear the increasingly loud hamring of my heart in my chest. Even I couldn’t believe that a day would finally co that I would say this to another person, another life, in all sincerity, when I had vowed never to say anything like it to safeguard all of my prestige.

I saw a little bit of a joyful smile in Jinzi’s eyes, his lips even rising up a bit. The candles’ flas in the bedroom suddenly beca very warm, the cool evening wind from outside seeping into our cores.

His face slowly drew near, and the mont his lips softly covered my open, I though that, no matter what the final outco will be, this will be one of the most important events in my life before my return to death…

The taste of our lips and tongues is beautiful, as tender and beautiful as my heart being a tiny white dove about to spread its wings, as the young dewy grass growing extrely quietly in the early morning of a spring day.

……

We explore each other’s bodies in bed, and making love suddenly becos the most logical course of action. I can relax and accommodate him, thirsting with all my heart and soul to do so. There really is pleasure after the pain…

With the gentle yet intense rhythm, it seems like I have never been so natural in bed like this, accustod to worrying over the pros and cons, wearing spine-like armor in order to protect myself early on and halting the operation of my rationality, everything following instinct…

I’ve found the pulse of life itself, at last.

……

I don’t know how much ti had passed. Maybe it was a snap of the fingers, maybe it was a hundred thousand years.

My universe has been shattered and recombined, recombined and then shattered…

Jinzi was finally spent on top of , and, afraid of overwhelming my injuries, quickly leaned his own body weight on his elbows. I was also spent, gazing at him with a light smile.

Jinzi fixed his sight upon my face, tracing my lips with his fingers and gently touching the welts on my body. “Are they hurting you?”

I smile and shake my head. It actually hurts a lot, but I decide to throw a tantrum about it later.

He looked into my eyes for a ti, then suddenly said, “I was so scared.” His voice trembles at the end, sowhat choking up.

I rember that he’s not even eighteen yet. An ache in my heart, I reach out and embrace him, which he enthusiastically returned.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble.

“I’m the one who should be sorry.” His face is buried into the crook of my neck, his dejected voice holding rare boyishness. “I was too conceited. I thought I could protect you… Last ti- last ti I was scared to death… Last night I almost went mad, I couldn’t find you anymore, I didn’t know what I should do…”

In spite of my wounds, I hold him close with all of my strength. He got very nervous, saying, “Careful, your injuries…”

I said once more that it didn’t matter. He loosens up to an extent on par with , thinking to massage as we held each other. I wince in pain, but the edges of my lips rise up.

We’re like two children that have been wandering lost in the dark for a long ti, and when we reached out our fingers to feel out the path, we accidentally ran into the other’s fingertips, bringing with them the heat of life.

Finally, I can find and listen to the beat of his heart. I can hug him all the ti at night to stave off all sorts of cold. From this point on, I won’t have to be alone and filled with fear in this long, dark hallway that never ends…

I fear what’s coming no longer.