"Dao? Is that the Chinese level up novel thing? I’m sowhat familiar, yeah? But for the longest ti I thought it’s Tao... You know, Taoism?"
Even when snuggling inside a half-naked woman lap, I was still very capable of being insufferably autistic.
"It’s interchangable, Daoism is also a word." She held closer, embracing in her arms as she reached for the remote in front on the table where my phone is, and started clicking at her wall-mounted TV.
"Mmmm" I groaned a bit by my throat, "I’m not too familiar, why do you ask?"
Tanya, as per usual, kept her calm, relaxed eyes with a faint smile, so kind of piano music started playing from the TV... I couldn’t see what it was, because my eyes were fixated on the woman who might start cannibalize any second now.
"A direct translation of Dao would be Path, it is the concept of your destiny, and your personal code of conducts as you live and go through life."
Tanya took a deep breath, her left hand carressed my hair as she continued.
"A little guy once told ... A man without path is a very strange entity. And you sure are one strange entity, Cory."
"I don’t- What are you even trying to say? That I need to assimilate myself to Taoism?" I got defensive, "What do you reckon I do? How am I strange? You’re the freakiest person I know and you’re calling strange, dude?"
The tunes of piano was accompanied with flute and so kind of string instrunts that was close to a viola, but not it, which flustered .
"I think you need to find yourself a path, a purpose that you find fulfilling, even if it’s out of reach and unobtainable."
"I have one!" I almost jumped, "To finish the ga!"
We both paused.
"Look into my eyes, Cory."
I was, but when she said that, I looked away, buried my eyes into her waist.
"Cory?" She said, dragging her voice as if scolding .
"Nuh uh..." I deflected.
"Are you sure that is your true path?"
"... I guess..." I paused, "Not."
Once again she went quiet, leaving room to admit my primordial sin.
"I want to be loved."
Perhaps she was satisfied with that answer. Tanya leaned down and gave a little kiss on my cheek.
I closed my eyes, and let go of my muscles, which was enough for to lose my position started rolling down to the floor, but Tanya scooped up and held tighter in her arms. My rear were positioned between her legs, my knees and shoulder on her thighs while she held head up. Surprised how much she can spread.
"Am I like... Your pet now?" I whispered, "I won’t be mind if I rot here."
"Wouldn’t living with the Sonders be more fulfilling?" Tanya asked.
Before giving her an answer, I got irritated at the position which put a slight strain on my neck, so I sat upright again and turned to the front, still sitting between her legs. I leaned backwards and let Tanya hugged , her legs closed in and rubbed against mine, sowhat entrapping in place, though very loosely and I could just stand up at any ti.
"You ask a very hard question..." I sighed, "It’s like... Life seems aningless now that all my primal needs are fulfilled. I’m fed, I have shelter, and I have sex more than once a month with all these new weird quacky relationships I have... In-ga and offline."
I continued.
"But like... I feel stuck between wanting more and wanting less... God I am horrible, I feel terrible, I feel like an asshole, an ungrateful brat, a... What’s the Filipino word? Kulit, I felt like a fucking kulit."
"Kulit?" Tanya tilted her head, resting it on my shoulder.
"It’s untranslatable, I play video gas a lot of so I know a lot of Asian and Northern European slurs... It’s like [brat] or [gremlin] or [annoying]... Fucking wo-ai–ni-ma Cory."
She nodded, and this ti, I felt the need to turn over to her and placed my lips on her cheek, though I did not feel the urge to give her that kiss I should.
Then, she spoke.
"Is love the achievent you yearn for, Cory?"
"That’s the only thing I could think of right now... I don’t trust therapists enough to figure out my brain and find my happiness." I answered, slowly but surely returning to my non-newtonian state, "What about you, Tanya? You asked a lot but I don’t know anything about you, what is your Dao? What do you yearn for?"
"It’s complicated." She answered.
"Hit with it, I’m smart, do say." I said lazily.
She paused for a second, just as the music from the TV stopped.
"My Dao is to be pathless..." Tanya said.
Her Dao is to be pathless...?
"Your Dao is to be pathless?" I said with a confused tone, "If you may, please elaborate."
"Maybe not today, my friend, maybe not today."
And just like that, we sat there for a long while.
Then we cuddled on her bed, just like we did last ti, skin to skin, a blanket to cover the cold, just like how she liked it.
Midnight ca and Tanya taught how to make a whole chicken soup pot with every and any leftovers vegetable... That one can refridgerate and store for a week or two. Nothing but water, chopped up stuff, raw chicken, spices, and heat, that was it.
We stood out in the balcony, fully naked, both of us, feeling the wind smashed through our flesh. I tried a cigarette; it tasted horrible, just like how I rembered it, can never get into these stuff.
When the washer was finished with my dress, Tanya went and hang it to dry—though I doubt it will by morning, since it’s cold out—while I approached her from behind, wrapped my hand around her waist, and pressed my cheek against her shoulder blades, a very non-committing hug.
I slept as well as a baby that night.
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