The mockingbird alit on the mans shoulder one day and asked him of his tools, for the others in the forest had none. The man replied that he used the hoe to bring crops from the earth, the net to bring fish from the ocean, the hamr to build a house and the flint to light a fire in its hearth.
The mockingbird thanked the man for sharing his knowledge, but before flying away noticed one tool the man had not nad. The mockingbird turned and asked what purpose the sword had, for there was no use for it in the field, at sea, at ho or in the hearth.
The man replied that all with eyes could see that he had a field, a boat, a ho and a hearth - and there lay the purpose of the sword.
- Pre-Gharic Ardan manuscript, vellum, c. 500 PE
One honeyed fruit tart and so scattered conversation later, Michael rose to help return the dishes to the cart. Most of the others joined in; Sobriquet had walked away from the table, seeming uncharacteristically pensive and darting looks at Michael.
By the ti the table was cleared, Michael had resolved to ask her what was troubling her; before he could, however, Luc turned and made for his room.
Michael set down the last of the dishes and moved to head him off. Luc, wait, he said, stopping shy of touching the other man on his shoulder. I wanted to talk.
About what? Luc asked. Youve made your decision, yes? I cant even say youre wrong to make it.
You look like you want to, even so, Michael pointed out.
Luc managed a small, sad smile. Everything youre doing is right for today, he said. Im not you, or Leire, and I dont have a third option to offer. I wish I did. The path youve chosen is a monstrous one.
He shook his head before Michael could object. I dont think youre a monster, he said. But youre going to make one within you. Souls arent benevolent. Theyre inhuman, in every sense of the word. Youre going to wade into the War and feed the one youre carrying, let it grow strong. How do you know it wont twist you into sothing youre not?
Michael pressed his lips together, perturbed. I suppose I dont, he admitted. But I dont get the sense that my soul is malevolent, even if its not actively seeking out good. Those concepts have no bearing on it. It looks to to understand things on a human scale, as yours does to you. He smiled at Luc. A friend of mine told once that evil is always a choice. Its not sothing we fall into by accident.
As much as I didnt know everything about the doctor, Luc said, as much as I was blind, I have no doubt in my mind that he thought he was justified. That he was improving the world, expanding the frontiers of humanity. That it was a noble goal, one which justified any ans to reach it.
But it was his mind that was twisted, not his soul, Michael objected. He believed that the ends justify the ans; I know better.
Luc gave him a flat look. You just agreed to take a soul to steer the course of the War, yes? What do they expect you to do with that soul, once you have it?
Supper twisted unpleasantly in Michaels stomach. Thats different. I dont like it, but the alternative is that Daressa falls to Saf and everyone here dies. Cruelty is excessive, as is taking joy in death - but Sobriquet and the others deserve to defend themselves from what Saleh would visit on them, and that does an fighting. He grimaced. It ans killing. Maybe in a better world it wouldnt, but the one we have has already turned to violence.
Michael frowned as he spoke, an irritated edge forming on his words. You know I dont seek out conflict, he said. And its not as though youre such a pacifist yourself. Werent you the one saying that Stellars soul was glorious, that it was a soul as they should be? No small number of people died in that glorious display back in Leik.
Luc ducked his head, and Michael winced at the tone he had taken; it seed like the height of hypocrisy to feel anger at Charles for his treatnt of Luc only to bull over him in the sa manner not a day later. Luc replied before he could say anything to soften the implied rebuke.
Youre right, Luc muttered. I did think it glorious. I only saw the power, the untouchable might of the soul. At the ti I envied that. He shook his head. Traveling with you and the others has given - ti to think about what has happened to . Ive learned more about souls, and mine in particular. Ive gained so new perspective.
Michael let out his breath. You an learning to use your soul to heal, he said. Whatever I end up doing, I think you should pursue that. You were the one that told a person cant run from their soul. Using yours to help, like you did with Emil - its an answer youd have to co to on your own, but I think there might be so peace there.
Luc smiled. Im glad I was able to help Emil, he said. I owe you for convincing that Claudes soul could do more than harm. He held up his hand and looked at it, flexing his fingers in the leather glove. But thats one soul.
Luckily, one is all you have to deal with, Michael said. These others are my problem, but Ill manage sohow.
Luc pursed his lips, a fresh shimr of nervous energy shedding from him. And if you dont? he asked. If you go charging into the War and it breaks you? Another shivering hesitation gripped him before he began to tug the glove off his left hand with quick, nervous motions.
He held up his hand so that Michael could see it - the light calluses on the palm, the web of scars tracing over the back. The skin tone, a shade lighter than Lucs own.
Michael stared at his own left hand, wed smoothly to Lucs wrist.
I didnt realize what it ant until recently, Luc said. But now I do. It ans that if you make this monster within you and it tears you apart, then Im next. It will co to - just like the doctor intended. The fingers began to tremble; Luc looked at the hand like it was a serpent coiled around his arm. And then your soul will break too.
A wave of vertigo struck Michael as he tried to process Lucs words, his eyes refusing to co unstuck from the hand. A noise behind him registered dimly within his mind; Sobriquet had paused to watch them, though she was making no move to enter the conversation.
Michael shook his head and refocused on Luc; he looked even worse than Michael felt, pale-faced and trembling as he focused on the hand. After a mont of grinding will, Michael jarred his thoughts back into motion.
You never said anything. Michael touched Luc lightly on the shoulder, guiding him towards so nearby chairs; they sat. Michael could almost pretend it was for Lucs benefit alone. Why? Why not on the train? You were looking at my - your hand, I saw it. You must have realized then.
Luc laughed, although the noise he made was closer to a whimper. I knew before then, he said. I just didnt know the purpose behind it - didnt want to admit it. Didnt want to look at the hand. Not like you. You havent been shy about showing your hand. Havent kept wraps over it for fear of what your soul might do. He grimaced; Michael watched his hand curl into a fist.
You would have said sothing, he said. But Im not you. Im one of the empty boys the doctor stole from Esrou. Im not made for a soul, but I have one anyway. One of the doctors last tricks. Luc exhaled, and with an obvious effort of will he let his hand unclench. I dont send armies running, dont call lightning from the sky. You do. I thought we were going to die so many tis.
Another mont of silence slid into the conversation. Luc tore his eyes away from his hand and looked at Michael. But I could never bring myself to leave, to run away from the danger. I dont have - anyone else. When I was on my own I was imprisoned, worked to the bone, nearly starved to death. With you, Im - here.
He gestured to the suite, the dishes picked clean on the cart, the stars twinkling through the windows. But Im terrified, every mont of every day, because you live a life Im not ant for. You keep walking forward. Each day brings so new horror, and on the day its too much for you- He broke off, licking his lips nervously. Then the horror cos for . Even if I ran, that wouldnt change.
You have a soul already, Michael said, trying to keep his voice soothing and level despite the turmoil he felt, the shrieking fear radiating from Luc in waves and the consternation from Sobriquet and the others behind him. Its not certain that itd co to you if sothing happened to - and I dont plan on dying anyti soon.
Luc managed a smile. Your soul has never cared about the limit of one, he said. Why should it start with ? More than that, though - I feel the connection. The affinity, yes? For you my hand is just a hand; for - the hand touches a different world than I am ant to touch. I see glimpses-
He fell silent, biting his lip. I see things that are not mine to see. Feel the pull of death when its near. The doctor was many things, but unskilled? Never. He knew his business. The bond he made was strong, and I cannot see a way for to slip free.
Michael leaned back, seeking calm amid the tumult. After a mont, he nodded. I understand, he said, smiling at Lucs skeptical look. I do, really! You give too much credit. Im no more ant for this than you are, Im just less-able to escape it. But unqualified as I am, I doubt I shall die tomorrow. He broadened his smile, trying for a reassuring look.
There is nobody more knowledgeable about souls than the ndiko, he said. Jeorg learned from them, and Spark learned from Jeorg. Let talk to Leire, we can see what she says. Shell at least know where to begin addressing the problem.
Luc looked doubtful, but Michael felt an eddy of hope within him even so. What if it cant be undone? he murmured.
Michael reached out and clapped Luc on the shoulder. Then well figure out what to do, he said. Together. Youre not alone on this. I know what it is to keep secrets close because its all that you have, but youve got all of us on your side as well. He waited a beat, then adopted a thoughtful look. Maybe not Charles. But the next ti sothing is weighing on you, you can tell the rest of us.
It was a poor joke, but it drew another smile from Luc. Thank you, he said. Im sorry. It was important, I should have said sothing. Youve never been anything but kind, I just- He tapped the side of his head. I always imagine things worse than they are.
Luc paused and noticed the others watching; an imdiate flush took his face. He looked abruptly towards the window. I didnt want to - thank you, but Im tired, and I- He half rose from his seat, then sat uncomfortably back down.
Its fine, Michael said. We dont have to talk about it now. Ill let you know what Leire says tomorrow.
Thank you, Luc mumbled, rising and fleeing back to his room before anything else could be said.
Before he heard the door shutting behind Luc, Michael felt the adrenaline spidering through his chest, heard his heartbeat coming fast in his ears. He gripped onto the armrests of his chair as the calm facade he had grown for Lucs benefit lted away, replaced with a whirling skein of half-ford thoughts.
The hand lood in his vision, dredged up from the dark corner of his mind where he had hidden it. It was one thing for it to be so faceless strangers hand, but knowing the truth of it had brought the horror of Sparks mutilations closer sohow. It felt more personal knowing the rightful owner of the hand, seeing what their shared injury had wrought on him.
It took a long while for his heart to slow to a more normal pace, and for his eyes to see the darkened room rather than the phantasmagoria of severed hands and clawing fingers that they spun for him. Michael breathed in, feeling the sweat beading his face, dampening his palms.
He had very nearly relaxed when he noticed that Sobriquet was sitting next to him, unnoticed; he startled almost out of his chair. She smiled apologetically, holding her hand up.
Sorry, she said. Didnt an to scare you.
Michael nodded, trying to breathe normally. Its fine, he said. I was wandering a bit. Didnt see you. He looked around the rest of the room, noting that it was dim and empty. Its late, isnt it? Im sorry, you had wanted to talk about sothing earlier.
It can wait, she demurred. This business with Luc is more important. Im a bit embarrassed I didnt press him for the truth earlier, to be honest. I knew he had a secret or two tucked away, but this- She pursed her lips. It would have been nice to know. Hes still hiding away one or two things.
Michael shrugged. Yes, but dont bla him. I wasnt lying, I do understand why he kept silent. He looked at Sobriquet, his lips curving into a smile. You havent forgotten that youre scary, have you? I was half-convinced you were going to kill for the first few weeks.
I had so plans around that, she admitted. You were a stranger then; its one of the first things I do when I et new people. Clair always called paranoid, but I do have a rather substantial price on my head. She smiled, bittersweet.
And I struck you as a covert agent of Ardalt, out for your bounty? Michael snorted. You may be less adept at reading people than you think.
She laughed, quietly. I thought you were dangerous. I believe I was entirely right on that point.
Dangerous, Michael sighed, his face falling. I dont think of myself as dangerous, but I know thats wrong. I dont suppose anyone thinks of themselves that way, not really. Theres no unpredictability to ones own actions.
Sobriquet shrugged, leaning back in her chair. Unpredictability isnt necessarily bad, she said. I wouldnt have thought when we t that youd na yourself as one of our number.
Am I not? Michael asked.
You didnt have to be. Her face was tilted so that it was lost in the rooms shadow, only its outline visible. Its not a life most would choose.
I didnt find it too hard of a choice, Michael said. Of the people Ive t since Jeorg died, youre the only ones that make any sense to . Even the ones I thought I knew, like Sofia - and Vera. He shook his head. I thought they were good people, but they were only good to while it suited them.
Sobriquet had gone very still while he was talking. Were not good people, she said. Im proud of the work Ive done for the resistance, but Im under no illusions that it was virtuous work.
Michael sighed and let his head thunk back against his chair. Youre making Lucs argunt for him, he said. I hate that theres so much suffering in this War, but theres a difference between the aningless cruelty of soldiers and death that serves a purpose, if that purpose is peace. He grimaced. Its a thought thats been weighing on lately, cant imagine why.
Having a cause doesnt absolve us of everything, Sobriquet said. You see that cruelty for long enough and you want to even the scales. Sotis you add more still, just to balance out what you know theyll visit on you the next day. She shook her head. And then one day you realize you havent looked at the scales in a long ti. Theyve been buried under all that bloody weight. Snapped and bent until theres no setting them right.
I dont think there is a balance to be had, Michael said. Its the wrong thing to strive for. The War is the problem, and youre working to end it. We all are.
You are, she muttered. Our part in this was little more than transport.
Michael raised an eyebrow. You give yourself too little credit, he said. I told you I wasnt lying to Luc, earlier; I was lost when I t you. I had no purpose, no direction. You helped find that, or at least started in the right direction. If I had reached ndian like Jeorg wanted, it would have just been Jeorg and Leire shaping into a weapon.
Sobriquet scoffed, though she could not help but smile. I doubt that would have gone predictably, she said. Not with you involved.
Probably not, Michael admitted. I certainly couldnt have foreseen the way things have unfolded - but Im glad they did. As much as I like Leire, every conversation with her has an aim. She sees other people as tools, even if she treats them with respect. He shook his head. Im better for having t you.
Sobriquet sat upright, and there was another pulse of confounding emotion from her. Michaels brow furrowed.
Im sorry, he said. Im rambling. You had sothing that was troubling you-
There was a scrape of chair legs; Sobriquets hand wrapped viselike around Michaels arm and dragged him towards the balcony, releasing its grip only so she could fling the door open. She kicked it shut a mont later, leaving the two of them standing under the starry evening sky.
Im confused, Michael admitted.
She stepped closer to him. Its nicer out here, she said. The feeling radiating from her was an all-encompassing drumbeat; Michaels thoughts felt sluggish and frenetic at once.
It is, he murmured, looking down and seeing reflected starlight in her eyes. Very nice. He brought his arms around her. You were going to tell sothing.
You said it already. Her hand ca up to grab his lapel, pulling him down to lips that tasted of honey and wine.
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