Who shall walk with through fire?
Who shall send on?
Who shall guide to my desire
Through darkness unto dawn?
Though Sword may clear the path ahead,
And Shield ward from harm,
None but I knows where I tread,
And none shall guide my arm.
Though Fla may light my path at night,
And Sunlight in the day,
None but I direct my sight,
And none else knows the way.
Though Seeker knows where perils hide,
And Seer knows the end,
None but I shall be my guide,
And none to will tend.
Though Speaker hears my hearts own song,
And Caller knows my na,
None but I may forge along,
And none shall set my aim.
Who else but I could know my worth?
Who else shall heed my call?
Though not alone, I must stand first
Or none shall stand at all.
- Safid Hymn
Morning stretched into midday. They found their way to the Safid ss and had a surprisingly hearty al of stewed lamb over rice. Michael found himself thinking of the curry Sofia had made, the spices taking him back to that tumultuous night in her garden. It seed a sharp difference that she was now out for his blood. After seeing her wanton murder of fleeing Safid, though, Michael found himself ready to fight back in kind.
Thats a frightful look, Lars noted, his mouth half-full of lamb. Food not to your liking?
Michael shook his head. The food might be the one thing that is, he said. I was just reflecting on people I may need to kill, and then again on the fact that I have people I may need to kill. My life has taken so strange turns, this past year.
Were sitting in a Safid ss, mate; we could all say the sa. Lars wiped his mouth and leaned back. Strange turns, but I dont think they were wrong turns. I like the shape of this life better. Certainly glad Im on this side of the fight; its rare that you get such a clear look at where your life would have ended if you had made different choices. He nodded towards the south. A few decisions not made, or Vera doesnt cross my path, and Id be setting up with the rest of Severs lads to go get my teeth kicked in.
You think the Swordsn will be out in force? Michael asked. We didnt see them near Friedrich last ti.
Lars grimaced. They dont idle near him, he said. Nobody does. People think that the Swordsn are under Lord Severs command, but the truth is that he doesnt care for them much. We were hangers-on more than anything, tolerated because we made it easier for him to do whatever he wanted. Maintaining that force of scalptors gave him the clout to dictate his movents. Now that hes past the point of caring about that, I imagine the Swordsn are feeling rather aimless. Theyll be searching for sothing to do, so way to rise to his attention once more - so yes, I imagine theyll make a showing.
Thats troubleso, Michael said. If Amira is tied up with Friedrich, a force of scalptors could do so serious damage. He frowned, then shook his head. I hope the Safid have fortintes to spare.
Honestly, I think the Safid will take them apart. Lars shrugged. We used to think we were the next best thing to Sever himself, but after seeing the ndiko and now the Safid at their work- He shook his head ruefully. Zabala isnt wrong. We werent soldiers. We were idiots who liked the look of a uniform. Raw power isnt a substitute for organization and tactics, not unless youre one of the Eight.
Not even then, Michael noted. I hope youre right. It does match up with what little Ive seen of them. He raised an eyebrow. I keep forgetting that you were a Swordsman, to be honest. You dont match that profile in my mind.
Am I not enough of a dashing buffoon? Lars chuckled. Youre right, though; I was never a good fit. I lacked the requisite strength of soul, not to ntion the bloodthirst.
Michael nodded. What drew you there, then?
Lack of better options. Middling scalptor souls are as common as middling rchants sons; both together were barely enough to cadge my way into the corps. Lars made a dismissive gesture. That didnt get power, but it did get powers uniform - which was enough for my father to content himself with.
But you were a captain in the Swordsn, not part of the rank and file, Michael protested.
Lars rolled his eyes. A good thing in every other unit, Id imagine, but the Swordsn dont particularly care for hierarchy. Being captain ant I was in charge of liaising with the regular army, doing paperwork and talking to quartermasters, the sort of work the n with real power couldnt be bothered to do - following Lord Severs example, of course. He shrugged. And of course, its why I got nominated to stay behind to lead the farce when the rest of them buggered off back to Ardalt.
Seems like they did you a disservice, Michael said. Youve been superb in combat, when the occasion has called for it.
Michael expected a wry response from Lars, or so soft deflection of the praise; instead, the Ardan captains brow furrowed. Thats the rub, isnt it? Lars said. Im not half bad, when Im pressed, but Ive cultivated a keen talent for avoiding such occasions. I was glad of that captains post, until it stranded on the continent. It kept far from what the n were doing. I got to keep my uniform, my father got to keep his pride, and the unit kept their liberty. The arrangent made everyone - content.
Contentnt isnt a horrible thing, Michael pointed out.
Id say that rather depends on what youre contenting yourself with. Lars leaned back in his chair, looking away. This morning I looked at all of you and said very seriously that the Swordsn needed to die, to a man. They havent changed so much in the intervening months. When I was with them, we all deserved the sa. Yet at the ti, it never crossed my mind to do anything about it. I was happy to be included. Proud of my rank, thankful that it kept from the worst of their rrints.
Michael nodded slowly. Its not any great wisdom to say that perspective changes things, he said. Ive been thinking along similar lines, now that were confronted with the Safid. His eyes flicked to the scattering of others in the ss; it was not crowded, nor was it empty. Nevertheless, all present gave him an extrely wide berth.
He dropped his voice slightly anyway. The Safid are n like anyone, he said. People make the mistake of thinking them stupid or blinded by their fanaticism, but theyre only - constrained in odd ways by it. To them, its natural. One doesnt simply wake up in the morning and question their identity.
You did, Lars pointed out. You had more to lose and less to gain by turning your back on Ardalt, but youve done so resolutely.
Michael gave a wry grin, holding up his hand so that Lars could see the scars there. I had less to lose than you assu, he said. And it wasnt always so resolute. I did consider going back. Almost did. Sofia and her friends wanted to return with them, to see the Institute and the Assembly held to account. He shrugged. It might have actually worked, given what Ive seen since then.
But Sibyl was her usual, hateful self, and you refused, Lars said.
No, actually, Michael frowned. She was slightly horrible that day, but willing to talk like a reasonable adult about it. I still felt that I owed her for saving . If she had asked for anything else, I would have said yes - but she asked for Sera.
Lars blinked. You turned against Ardalt for love? In fairness, she does seem like the sort of lady who would appreciate the romance inherent in treason.
Michael snorted into his glass of water, setting it down hastily. I only really got to know her afterward. At the ti she was just my personal floating headache, one to whom I owed a slight favor.
Once again, the answer had an inexplicably depressing effect on Lars. The other man shook his head. I think your logic must operate in a different way than most, he said. Very few people would casually move against their holand for a slight favor.
It wasnt about the favor! Michael protested; his voice rose, exasperated; he hurriedly lowered his tone again. Look, from the beginning of all this people have been pestering about what I want to do with this soul. Theyre obsessed over it, terrified, and not without cause. I never knew what to say to them because I never had a good answer; I didnt want to do anything with it. I wanted peace, and quiet, and contentnt.
Lars looked around theatrically, taking in the military environs. Good job, he said.
Its a work in progress. Michael chuckled and took another sip of water; his expression sobered as he set the glass down. But Ive co to learn that peace and quiet has a cost associated with it. The last Stanza had it for years. He lived in a paradise, and he was a good man. Michael frowned. A good man. But the price for one mans peace is solitude, and he broke it to care for . He lost his peace. And when he gave it up, he looked to with tears in his eyes and asked if he was evil, for choosing not to help before then.
What did you tell him? Lars asked.
Nothing. Michael smiled again, shaking his head. I had just watched him kill three n with a scrap of poetry, my mind wasnt up for a response. But if I had the chance again, I would tell him that he wasnt evil at all. He saved a number of people; Vera and I were among them. But he could have saved more, at the cost of his solitude. To those people who could have used him, he was - absent. Their lives had a void in them, a space waiting for a change, and he wasnt there.
Michael nodded towards Lars. Vera also saved , in a fashion, as she did you. Theres no Vera without Jeorg, and so you also owe your current allegiance in this battle to him. I imagine how different things could have been with his hand guiding the world, now that I know what this soul might do. A force for understanding and growth, sothing to push Ardalt in another direction. A thousand more of Vera, and ten thousand more of you. Yet we dont have them, because we didnt have him. He took another drink of water. You wonder what I want; thats it. I want to be there when Im needed. There was a child, the other day-
He broke off. He was praying, and it was the saddest damned thing Ive ever seen. There was nothing he could do in that mont but step aside to make a space for soone who didnt exist, who wasnt listening. But in the next mont - I realized that I could be that man. I could take the shape of salvation; fill the space he had made for .
Lars mustered a sad smile. I think Ive had that realization a few tis over the years, he said. That I could - step in. Usually the prelude to a very unpleasant, drunken week. Never found it in . He shuddered and looked down. There was a woman, once, with two children. The others cornered them-
He paused for a long mont, saying nothing; Michael felt the raw drumbeat of horror pressing out from him.
Amira told sothing interesting, Michael said. She said that the children who died in the attack led to her. Not by intent, but because - we respond as we do to such things, and our path changes accordingly. Not a signpost, but a rock in the trail. He stood, clasping Lars on the shoulder. So maybe youre the man who rembers those three when he stands against all the Swordsn, whenever they may co.
Lars didnt look up. You all said she was crazy, he muttered.
I cannot begin to tell you how correct we are. But shes also oddly insightful, at tis. Michael shrugged. Or maybe the insanity is catching. Regardless, Ill be glad to have you with us.
Mm, Lars said, still looking away. Slowly, though, his eyes ca up to Michaels, looking slightly brighter than they had before. I think Ill be glad to be there.
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