Only with Your Heart Chapter 58

I still often dream of the day when Chizuru disappeared.

Not only at night but also when I was wide awake. For example, when I was eating, I suddenly entered a daydream and couldnt hear any of the surrounding voices, and drops of sweat began to form on my forehead.

Even after I reunited with Chizuru, the dreams stopped for a while and then suddenly recurred like an illness and continued to afflict

for a long ti.

***

While I held Chizurus body, which had been completely chilled by the cold air and rain, I kicked the door of her room with my feet but soon realized that there was no fireplace here and stopped for a second. I then continued by saying, Lets go to my room. Ill light the fireplace there.

When I said that, Chizuru looked at , astonished, and opened her lips as if to say sothing, but decided against it and just nodded silently.

The truth was, I never invited Chizuru to my room until today. I didnt even know why. Perhaps it was because I had unconsciously drawn a line in my heart.

If I let her into my room, I couldnt turn back anymore.

Its funny, because I had co to a place where I couldnt turn back long ago, but there was still a dark fear swirling in .

What if she disappears again? Thats a fear that I didnt think would disappear easily.

I wanted an unwavering conviction that Chizuru would never leave , and it was difficult for

to be honest until I got it.

It left an unforgivable regret for

that she was deeply hurt in the process, but there was no hesitation anymore.

We still had a future. I will love, comfort and atone for Chizuru as much as she needs

no, even more than she needs.

After we passed through the inner door, the castle owners bedroom, which was much larger than Chizurus room, welcod us.

There was no light, but I rembered almost all of the rooms layout, so even if I closed my eyes, it was not difficult to reach the nearby candlestick.

Once I set her down on the floor, I lit a match, switched on the lights, and transferred the fire to the fireplace.

Thanks to the dry leaves I prepared, the fire spread easily, and the fireplace imdiately burned red. Behind , I heard Chizuru sigh in relief.

As I looked back, I saw Chizuru, fascinated by the flas that slowly ward the room, tightening the collar of the cloak with both her hands.

Co here, Chizuru, I called out.

Chizuru obediently took my extended hand and proceeded to draw closer to .

The burning fla ward both our cold bodies and illuminated the outline of our faces with orange. For a while, we stared at the flas without saying anything, as if we were biting the silence.

When the area around the fireplace had ward up, to a certain extent, I turned to Chizuru and put my hand on the collar of her wet cloak.

You should take it off.

Yeah

but that

Chizurus eyes swayed as if she was confused, so I put on a gentle smile on my face to reassure her and took off her cloak with as gentle a gesture as possible.

I rember. Im not doing anything tonight.

Actually, as long as it was Chizuru, things such as the moon(TL:nstruation) , I didnt care at all. To be honest, I wanted to take off all her clothes and warm her up in a single heartbeat right now.

Chizuru wore only a thin dress, so it took a lot of self-control and patience to prevent

from tearing it off as I wanted.

After we took off each others cloak, we sat on the floor in front of the fireplace and hugged each other.

I wrapped Chizurus back and put my nose on her thin neckline to enjoy her scent. Chizuru also slowly slid one hand over my cheeks and gently closed her eyelids as if to taste the feeling.

Ti proceeded calmly, and I felt a peace of mind for the first ti in 14 years.

After a while, Chizuru muttered.

This is

nostalgic.

I imdiately understood what she was referring to. In fact, I was thinking about the sa thing.

A long ti ago, in the first winter since we t, we often ward up while hugging each other in front of the flas. When I thought about it, the first ti we made love was in front of the flas of such a fireplace.

Of course, it wasnt a magnificent place like the master bedroom of a castle, but a corner of a small house, but Chizuru learned how to be a woman for the first ti, and I got satisfaction from the bottom of my soul for the first ti.

I lightly kissed the top of Chizurus head.

I dont know if Im nostalgic. Ive been dreaming of hugging you in front of the flas every night. Sotis I cant tell the difference between reality and dreams

and when I realize its a dream, sotis my tears cant be stopped.

Chizuru looked back at .

Tears ?

Ah.

Did you cry ?

Are you making fun of ?

I couldnt believe I was fluently confessing this. Even if Chizuru herself was the other person, I didnt intend to let anyone know. But tonight, the words naturally ca out of my mouth.

Chizuru shook her head with a sad expression as if she rembered sothing.

No

I also cried because I wanted to see you.

Dont tell Roan.

I intended to say it playfully, but Chizuru answered, Yeah, with a serious face and nodded.

I missed her voice, I wanted to sll her scent, I wanted to see her smile again, and when I realized that I might never get any of it again, sothing slowly died inside .

Then the idea of needing to wander around to look for her exceeded my need to take my next breath.

It was now, thus again, I was able to hold her in my arms.

I felt that the wound that had been torn apart and kept bleeding was slowly and gently being healed and closed.