He was the only one who could save . He had saved before. He would save now. Tears flowed from my eyes. I had never cried after escaping from the ti magic. Now, I wept thinking of him. I knew he would save sohow. Thinking of him made realize that what I saw and heard weren’t real.
These were things that had happened in the past. People changed. The guilt remained. It would remain with , too. I might not be able to escape from the fear and the guilt. I pretended to be strong but I was only a hair’s breadth away from having a ntal breakdown. Weak Dalia. When are you going to grow up?
I thought that this was how I died. It was inevitable. And it might co to pass soon. I recalled Kaichen walking by and held onto that mory.
Save .
He raised his eyebrows to express his dissatisfaction. His annoyed expression always plastered permanently on his face. I smiled. I liked his low-pitched voice, his irritated gaze and his flustered self. Help .
I t his warm gaze in my mory. It ward my heart. It felt like a comforting hug. I was saved every ti by that one gaze. That kindly gaze which said he understood and that it was okay.
Save … Teacher.
I believed in him. I trusted him. He was precious to and irreplaceable. I longed for him. I realized I had feelings for him and didn’t mind it even if it was just one-sided.
He was a ray of light that I had barely grasped as I struggled inside the terrible mory. The suffering, the pain, the terrible voice and everything I saw remained unchanged, but I felt alive and hopeful. My tears were a testant to the fact that I was still human. I just had to hang on till he ca to save . Just thinking about him felt reassuring. I could withstand this. I will overco it.
He had made a ho deep in my heart. It wasn’t because of comfort that the thought of spending the rest of my life in Willow House appealed to . It was because I had feelings for Kaichen. I loved him. I wanted to be by his side. I wanted him to be by my side if he was okay with it.
I realized I had made nurous excuses just to be by his side. I had convinced myself that he was just a path for through which I could build a quiet life here. I had sought to beco his disciple because I wanted to be by his side to give fruition to my plans. But Kaichen was my beginning and my end. It was a pity I had never been able to tell him about my feelings for him because I had never acknowledged it. I had been lying to myself all this ti. If only I could see you one last ti, Teacher, I would hold your hand this ti. For real. Not as a joke.
*
Kaichen himself thought that he was crazy. Just as the ti of rut cos to beasts, he wondered if such a ti may have co for him as well. He washed his face with cold water, seriously contemplating the changes in his body that had no other explanations. He had already surpassed the appropriate range of patience with holding hands, but the feel of her skin had given him goosebumps all over.
“D*mn it!” He had been frequently spitting out curse words at the mirror these days. He was irritated by the desires he felt for her. He felt frustrated at his bloodshot eyes. He wasn’t able to sleep.
One becos an adult in the Kalhai Empire at seventeen. The average people of the Empire get married and have children in their early twenties. So, Kaichen, by that asure, was old.
In his twenty-eight years of life, Kaichen had never been interested in any woman. After suffering betrayal from Dalia when he was young, he had lost interest in forming any kind of bond with anybody else. But that didn’t an he was clueless about s*xual awakenings. Kaichen had wandered around the Empire with Julius. Julius wasn’t one to ignore his needs.
“Kaichen. Let tell you this. There are three most basic needs for a human being: Food, sleep and s*x.”
“S*x is not a need. It’s just like… excretion.”
“What are you even talking about?” Julius had laughed. “S*xual desire is a human urge and a need. People can’t live without it.”
“In the first place, don’t go making generalizations about human needs. It might be your choice to live life in that manner and other people might have different choices.”
“It’s true! The core, basic needs of humans are those three.”
“S*x is nothing more than an act of reproduction to propagate the human race. It doesn’t an you can’t live without it.”
“Oh, co on, Kaichen! How do you know if you haven’t tried it? Do you want to go with today?”
“Just get lost and leave alone.”
Julius had never been one to shy away from things that gave him pleasure. He knew his needs and he sought them. There were things Kaichen knew about those needs when your friend has been around the block more than necessary.
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