I was a stranger to them, and they seed afraid of because I knew their secrets. Even though they were the ones who told of their secrets, in a conversation over so drinks. One day was too short for bonding with people. I had given up every hope of eting people and for them to rember . So, I had shut myself in my mansion.
“Exactly… when are you coming? When are you going to rescue ?” I burst into tears, threw the bottle away, and wrapped my arms around myself. Even if I ran through the weedy garden and scread my lungs out like a crazy person, no one ever ca.
It was true that no one was concerned about the Drunken Countess. To them, I wasn’t just a Drunken Countess, I was also a lunatic who scread in the mansion occasionally. Because it hadn’t been a few months for them, it had been just one day. The sa day on repeat.
“Ha Ha ha! Ahaha!” I laughed hysterically. Tears flowed from my eyes, but I laughed. I laughed and I cried, and I pointed at the sky that had not changed from the crescent moon for months. And just like that I lost my mind.
* * *
When I woke up, the mory that popped into my head was hell. It was the sa morning with the sa scenery but today was peaceful. People greeted today, again. Acrab was peaceful. The room was the sa but the bottle of wine that rolled on the floor seed unfamiliar. Everything today seed unfamiliar.
“No, no, no!” I grabbed my head and scread. I don’t know how much ti has passed. The mory, which I thought was a blessing, made think of the mories of the period when I had lost my mind. How many nights has it been? How crazy did I go? What the hell did I do? I felt awful.
My shaking hands were not the tremors caused by abstaining from alcohol. Not today. A chill crept through my body, and I started to scratch my arms. Blood appeared on my skin, but it didn’t hurt. My trembling hands were soaked in blood. I ran out of the mansion shouting that my mories were not true.
Clear sky without a single cloud. I could see people smiling and spending their day no differently than usual. People were the sa as usual. The day was the sa. But they didn’t look the sa to my eyes.
I knelt down and sobbed. I felt the eyes of the people on . They must think I was intoxicated this early in the morning.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…,” I mumbled and scread. No matter how much I apologized, my mories wouldn’t go away. It was true. I killed them. I killed them countless tis. They were always fine the next day. The sa day would repeat again. But I wasn’t fine.
Teras stread down my cheeks. I had lost my mind and now I was here. It was so hard to endure it. Why did I do such things? Has a devil possessed my heart? Did it want to treat them like that? I didn’t want to believe it. Because I knew I was the one who did it.
I knew it and I felt it. I trembled. People around whispered in worry. It was like they couldn’t ignore my pain. Did I even deserve them? I wrapped my arms around myself. My arms and my hands were dripping blood.
Perhaps they thought it was not a common drunk behavior. Their murmurs grew around . Dalia… Dalia… Dalia…. You don’t deserve to look at them.
I heard a scream. The tears were no longer falling from my eyes. It was blood. I had gouged out my eyes. A relief spread through my heart. I couldn’t see anything. I didn’t need to see the sa scenery, the sa people again. Everything turned into darkness.
I thought I was going to pass out because of the pain. I heard myself scream. But it would be okay. They had suffered more than . They had suffered by my hands. Even if they don’t rember, I do. I know everything and I can never forget.
It wasn’t a sin I could erase by gouging out my eyes. As long as my mory remained, I would always drown in sha and guilt. After that day, I didn’t lose my mind again.
After possessing Dalia’s body, I spent thirty dull years. The other ten being out of my mind. For the next sixty, I was weighed down by my own guilt where I longed for Kaichen to co and put an end to this since I myself was unable to. I had tried everything.
I also got into the habit of gouging my eyes out. To remind myself of the terrible things I had done. This was my punishnt, inflicted upon myself by my own volition. But every ti my body would get better, and I would have my eyes back the next day. I lived in this madness for ten years, trying to kill myself again and over again.
After countless death and madness, my mind beca devastated, but my body was the sa, frozen in the sa day. I finally realized that gouging out my eyes was helping nobody. It wasn’t even able to abate my guilt even a little. The pain and the guilt were the most brutal punishnt for , and I had to live with it. I will not forget.
* * *
I had barely fallen asleep when the nightmares were presented. I felt weak and tired. I hadn’t forgotten the mories of my ti at Acrab. I am, however, trying not to think about them as much as possible because there is nothing I can do about it. There is nothing good for to rember except the pain and the guilt.
I frowned. My pajamas were soaked in a cold sweat. Maybe I can take a warm bath to calm myself, I thought. I was really lucky that I had a bathtub. I took off my clothes and sighed.
When I grabbed the handle to open the bathroom door attached to the room, I heard the sound of the room door opening. When I turned my head in surprise, I could see Kaichen frozen at the door. Sh!t! I am dood! I let go of the bathroom door handle and covered my chest.
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