I didnt know how much Lucia was carrying on her shoulders at the ti. But I recalled the event every ti I held her as she curled up in my arms later on.
Lucia is just a small elf-girl. Shes not a Valkyrie who was trained from a young age like Nier. The training she went through with the imperial guards was much less demanding than the training the Valkyries received. Shes also just an elf. Female elves lack the strength and stamina of male elves by a long margin.
However, Lucia carried on her back as she struggled forwards. I couldnt walk at all. I basically felt the sa way I felt if I were thrown into water. What was worse was I lost conscious, woke up, lost conscious, and woke up again. My condition got worse and worse. While my mana wasnt flowing, it was no different to a bowl of water with a hole. What does that an? It ans that the remainder of the water will seep out of that small hole.
The mana dissolving agent in my chest created such a hole, and slowly lted away my mana bit by bit. My body would then automatically replenish its mana, only to be dissolved once again. We were outside. I wasnt able to eat much since I was weak. As a matter of fact, I struggled to stay awake. The feeling of mana being produced in my body beca less and less frequent. When I ran out of mana, I lost conscious.
More recently, I was losing conscious for longer periods of ti.
Lucia had no other option. She had to search for a white deer king, search for food and search for a place to stay at night. She had to do all of that while carrying with her. Lucia couldnt detect the breathing of that assassin, and consequently couldnt leave behind alone sowhere.
Because I couldnt chew, Lucia chewed berries herself first, then mixed it in with water before feeding it to mouth to mouth. Our first kiss wasnt shared under such nice conditions like last ti, but instead in a burdenso manner. I couldnt recover on a diet of just berries, but Lucia couldnt hunt while carrying either. Lucia collected all the berries she gathered. She didnt eat a single berry. When I awoke every now and then, I spotted her eating grass.
Yes, she ripped out grass from the ground and shoved it into her mouth just like an animal, chewed it and finally swallowed it.
Lucia mustve suffered a lot. I sotis awoke every now and then at night. I could feel her tightly holding as she quietly sobbed. She had to carry an unconscious person around and resolutely forge forwards following the tracks of the white deer king. I actually really wanted her to put down and search for the white deer king on her own, but she never left . Shes just a girl and yet she carried such a burdenso responsibility.
She had no right to be afraid, and no right to cry, for if she cried, then the two of us wouldve starved to death.
I really wanted to say that it wasnt her fault. However, the fact is, she failed to protect as my bodyguard. I felt really sorry for her and really wanted to help. I even wanted her to just put down and leave on her own, but I couldnt speak. And even if I hypothetically couldve spoken, theres no way she wouldve done that.
Take a short rest, your highness. Eat a bit of food.
Lucia put down and vigilantly checked our surroundings before taking out a few berries. I took a look. The berries were evidently rotten already. The forest isnt a berry-garden, so its not like there were berries everywhere. It was actually tough to find berries. The berries we ate were red in colour and like solanum nigrum that we used to eat when we were young, except slightly larger. You can spot this sort of stuff on plains, but not in forests. These were ones that Lucia found before. We had them with us for two days already.
Lucia hesitated for a mont before tossing away the two remaining berries and looked at with concern. I really wanted to let her know that I didnt need to eat, but I couldnt speak. I was just conscious. Lucia let out a heavy sigh and sat down in a dispirited manner. She reached her hands up to rest her face on and whimpered. Her petite physique shivered before my eyes and yet I couldnt pull her into my embrace.
I couldnt even send her a word of comfort.
A second later, Lucia wiped her tears and stood up. She put on her back again and continued forwards. We never advanced fast to begin with and now we were moving even slower. I regretted it sowhat. If we had been moving faster the last few days, this might not have happened. But who can accurately predict the future? Nobody but my mom could, and evidently, even she cant predict the future without anything to go off.
As Lucia walked, she checked out the shrubs by the side of our path, fearing that shed miss a bunch of berries. My conscious slowly started to disappear once again. I went limp on Lucias back. The last thought I had before I passed out was that if I survived, Id never betray Lucia no matter what.
If Lucia ever ends up in a similar predicant, I will carry her on my back too.
When I woke up again, my back was against a cold stone wall. I couldnt move my body so I could only look at my legs. My head drooped down as I leaned against the stone wall. It was pouring outside. There was a small fire by my side. The scent of at slowly filled my nose which invigorated sowhat.
It appeared that Lucia found a small rock cave. It was dark and wet, and even water was flowing inwards due to the shape of the cave, but it was a place we could rest. It was better than sleeping on grass since I was extrely weak. My temperature had dropped significantly. Lucia hugged tightly every night to help brace the coldest early mornings.
Lucia lightly walked up to my side, squat down, bit my lip, and passed the chewed at and water into my mouth before erecting her posture.
I felt like I was a large funnel, allowing the at juice to freely find its way into my mouth. It sucks that this world doesnt have IVs. I wouldnt have to suffer so much if there were.
She repeated the process a few more tis before wiping the corners of my mouth, touching my face and weeping as she said: Sorry. Sorry, your highness. I I I cant I cant I cant bring you along as I try to perform tasks. If I bring you with youll die before we find a white deer king. Youre already too weakened. I cant. I Its all my fault. Its all my fault. I no longer ask that I can marry you. I just hope that you survive. Everything is fine as long as you survive. Your highness, Ill prepare so good food for you for the next few days and then Ill go and hunt a white deer king on my own. Trust . You must trust . I will definitely successfully kill a white deer king and return. I will definitely save you. I wont run away. You must trust !!
Lucia choked on her tears and couldnt speak properly, yet I had no ans of consoling her. I had no ans of saying the one sentence she wanted to hear most, I trust you. It wasnt because I didnt want to say it, but rather because I couldnt. I wanted to say it thousands of tis, tens of thousands of tis, but I couldnt say it even once. Lucias eyes were red and swollen. She had bloodshot eyes. She did her best for my sake, yet I had no way of hugging her.
I trust you.
I wont bla you even if you run away.
Lucia sobbed softly as she knelt before . She then cried out loud as she hugged my arm tightly and curled up against . All I could do was stare blankly at the stone wall in front of . My chest and wound were on fire, but I had no way of giving my thanks to my love
And telling her I loved her.
I previously had no regrets in life, and even felt death was a form of glory. Now, however, the thought of death agonises so much I want to cry. I dont want to leave Lucia, I cant bear to part with everything here. I found everything I once lacked here.
I dont want to die.
But I desperately wish for Lucia to live more.
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