Just as the aftermath settled, instant regret washed over . It was to a level I couldn't comprehend, one that I hadn't experienced before now.
While he cried, I wobbled deeper into the alleyway we took as a ho, escaping my guilt, escaping them.
Thoughts plagued for what I had done as my faltering steps echoed in the silence.
'What... No, I was-I'm not like this. This isn't .'
'Why did I do that?'
I was never soone who would hit my kids; I never laid my hands on them, not even once...
'It's not my fault; it's because I was tense-the hunger, those junkies-they were the ones at fault, not . Yes, I did nothing wrong. I'm a victim.'
I fell down to the ground, knees scraping against the cold.
'... Our lives weren't supposed to be like this. We don't deserve this!'
My hands reached out to my face as I covered my mouth, and after a mont, a guttural scream left my dry throat.
"FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!"
-
Eventually, I cald down, and all went back to normal.
But sothing was amiss.
, I couldn't work, I couldn't beg, I couldn't scrape for trash.
And so... seeing the state that I was in, my wife had to step up. Sell her body.
The mother of my children had to beco a prostitute.
This... it was sothing I feared more than anything.
While I wouldn't deny feeling so regret for rejecting the gang's offer, that regret always disappeared when I saw my wife smile at my arrival, welcoming ho.
At those monts, I would always thank the stars for my decision.
Yet... look at now.
I was scared for her, that was certain, but there was sothing else that I couldn't shake from my mind.
Uttering it felt like a dare beyond my ability, so I imdiately stopped dwelling on it and focused my mind on making a decision.
I would lose what was left of my already diminished dignity, but I...
I couldn't bring it upon myself to reject her.
"The kids need to eat."
Yes, that was my answer.
I failed as a man, a provider.
I failed as a husband, a father.
While I recuperated from my injuries, people ca along. She asked, begging them to take her, but none did, seeing her as nothing but bones, not desirable even for ten UC, the average price of a cup of coffee, or so I heard.
When I saw that, I almost smiled, happy that she wasn't going to be taken advantage of, yet also secretly angry that she was of no use.
But those feelings of mine didn't last for long.
A few n bought my wife for an entire night; they took turns on her in so ditch, and I was there, lying down on the ground, hungry like always, listening to her scream in pain as they let out their lust on her, using her body as they would a piece of fuckable at.
My hands, which had once covered my children's ears, now fell as I covered my own.
They began to cry, but I didn't listen; I didn't dare to. Like a coward, I turned my back on them and closed my eyes, wishing for a Reaper to take .
Cold was my body as was my heart, in these freezing slums, I lay, broken both in heart and body.
Eventually, I managed to sleep, sohow, though their small hands constantly tapped my back, seeking my attention, begging for to be their father... Yet, I remained motionless. When I woke up, it was the next day, a day I thought wouldn't arrive, and one I hoped never would.
I turned to my side and noticed my wife, lying on her back.
She looked miserable, many tis more than usual, her eyes puffy from crying, her clothes torn even more, leaving much of her body bare to see, her face bruised, and her hair muddy.
But... she was smiling as she slept.
It appeared that she bought and ate so food while I escaped the horror that was my life. The kids seed to have eaten as well.
She might've left sothing for , but I didn't dare touch whatever she bought. Even though I escaped my responsibility yesterday, I still held so semblance of...
Of...
No, nothing was left.
I ate it all.
Like an animal, I scrounged on all the bread, and it was the best mont of my life.
It was so so good.
Thirst plagued after I finished eating, but not for long as I found so half-drunk water bottle discarded on the corner of the street.
I rushed to it before anyone could.
As I drank that water, emptying the bottle in seconds, a woman walking down the street spotted and walked over while waving her hand.
She had a nutrition bar in hand, and she threw it over to , taking pity.
Then she told to visit her if I wanted more; 'Mother's Kitchen' was her restaurant's na.
I nodded repeatedly at her words, not listening a single bit, and when she left, I ate the entire thing without a single thought about my children's or wife's well-being.
It tasted incredible, divine, as if it ca from heaven itself.
Heaven... Truly, the Wheel seed to have blessed today for I have never eaten so much in
my entire life.
I basked in the aftermath, enjoying the taste of what seed to be pizza on my tongue, but
that mont didn't last long.
My sanity returned.
Realization dawned on .
Guilt had replaced any feeling of satisfaction that once bathed my entire being.
I didn't only fail them, but I've also robbed what she earned for them.
What kind of human was I? Such an ugly, ugly, being, no worse than the trash that abused my
wife.
Slowly, my feet began to step forward, one after the other, until it was a full-on sprint.
I couldn't help but run away from them. Once again.
Facing my family after what I had done would break my mind; it was a terrifying feeling.
They would wake up, expect food, but see nothing but an empty bag...
Oh, how I wished for them to die.
I prayed to whoever existed up above, I prayed for them to kill my children, my wife, and
myself.
It was all so that they wouldn't ask for a piece of bread.
Not feeding them was one thing but stealing from them? Death was better than what this
was.
But I knew that it was a luxury I couldn't afford. I had, no, I needed to get credits; no matter
how small of an amount, I needed to repay her.
So I ran to a place all knew as a death zone.
It was where the low-level gangs played.
That was the only place I could guarantee myself a few credits-a place where bodies of
beggars more desperate than I am lay dead.
Knowing death was close was terrifying, but... 'Right now, joining them doesn't sound too bad.'
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