Chapter 117
After I shouted that I had a lot of friends, there were about 3 minutes of silence. I realized, at that mont, that a wealth of friends was the stupidest thing to claim.
The three servants, who must have had much to say, closed their mouths as if they tasted sothing sour; I felt embarrassed and angry.
Eventually, I bowed my head and muttered, “After becoming a User… I couldn’t keep in contact because I was too busy.”
However, I felt a bit uncomfortable even as I said that.
Though I wasn’t in quite a comfortable environnt, as soon as I beca a user, my classmates soon repaid their alcohol debts to and called to outings. Many people also bought als to congratulate .
I honestly wondered if I could call him a ‘friend,’ but I didn’t want to admit that I was a loser. So, I swallowed the truthful words that threatened to spill out. Instead, I rambled about my honest feelings about Ki-seok as if I were justifying myself. “Also Han Ki-seok… Honestly, it’s true that I’m a pushover.”
“……”
“But that guy, he wasn’t bad every day. He treated well sotis.” As I spoke, I naturally rembered the past.
Han Ki-seok was my seatmate when I transferred into the school. When everything was unfamiliar and I felt anxious, he offered to eat lunch together and said that his ho was in the sa direction as mine and walked to and fro with .
In addition, at that ti my parents used to yell at each other that they wanted to divorce; I had to run out and escape because I had no desire to hear their marital discord–their shouting and swears–in that small house.
My parents, who both contributed to the household inco, usually ca back late at night and quarreled until dawn. So, I was used to walking the streets at night alone. Then, Han Ki-seok found sitting on a park bench.
At that ti, we weren’t even close, but Han Ki-seok called out to without passing by, asking what I was doing and leading to a convenience store. “Let’s eat so ran,” he said. Like that, I played around with him until 2 am until I could return to a tranquil house.
And the next day, I called Han Ki-seok in the middle of the night without any expectations. When I asked, ‘Do you want to hang?’ he simply responded, ‘What do you want to do?’ And, when I mumbled and couldn’t answer easily, he didn’t interrogate and still ca out candidly. Like the day before, we went to the convenience store and ate an onigiri and played gas for an hour in a PC room 1 owned by an older boy he knew.
The next day–the day after that–from then on, Han Ki-seok ca out without another word whenever I called him. He stayed with for hours until we parted at around 2 to 3 am.
It was natural to beco obsessed with soone who would, during your darkest monts, co to the playground in front of your house without a hint of dissatisfaction and stay with you until dawn. Now that I think about it, I couldn’t tell if I truly liked Han Ki-seok or whether I was too lonely to endure life without him.
However, after I started to think I wanted to date him and he noticed those feelings, it beca a problem. Han Ki-seok was always quick-witted so he had already guessed how I felt even though I hadn’t confessed. I had found out later when I happened to eavesdrop on him.
It was a real shock at the ti. There were tis when Han Ki-seok was overly harsh to , but to find out that was because he knew I liked him…
So, I blad myself a lot afterwards. I criticized myself–what a fool who made the only friend I had uncomfortable with my unwanted feelings. To be honest, later I realized that Han Ki-seok, who could have just rejected , was worse. But, back then, I had believed it was all my fault.
I couldn’t cut off relations with Han Ki-seok right after I found out that he actually disliked . I couldn’t even show my hurt in front of the other, and he was free to swing around as much as he wished whenever he called to his side.
Later, after Han Ki-seok beca a User and stopped contacting , I was able to do so self-reflection, but, simultaneously, depression settled within deeply. After recovering to so extent, I thought I should organize my interpersonal connections for my own self-esteem. At first, I swore that Han Ki-seok was trash and blocked his number, though he would have never called anyway. With vengeance, I had childishly imagined, ‘I’ll succeed and make you regret everything!’
However, none of that put at peace. As if a knife were cutting into , it was always on my mind like sothing I couldn’t let go of. Eventually, I decided to admit to myself that Han Ki-seok was once good to and he was the person I needed at that ti. It was true that I staved off my loneliness with the fulfilling warmth he exuded. I forgave him one-sidedly just to throw away this hurt.
“….That’s what happened.” But, when I tried to speak these words into reality, there were too many emotions that were hard to explain. The story ca out as rambling; it was a bit hard to understand.
However, it was hard to stand the annoying looks the servants were adopting. In the end, I asked in an impatient tone, “What’s with those pitying looks?”
Then, Jung Garam replied in an impudent tone, as if he was waiting for a chance to speak, “I was just feeling sorry for the Choi Lee-kyung who believed that the other was a friend even though he was being robbed of a lot of money.”
“It wasn’t that I believed it, it’s just……Haah. It’s fine. Really.”
To be honest, I didn’t think anyone would understand no matter how eloquently I spoke. In particular, these Red Lotus guys, who’ve lost their lives due to Bae Jaemin’s betrayal, probably wouldn’t understand how I don’t hate him or actively search for revenge. In that context, their frustrated faces were understandable.
“You can’t hate him just because he was kind to you just a few tis…”
“……”
“Han Ki-seok is simply just a nasty guy. He may have been nice a few tis, but his affection was fickle. You shouldn’t have to hesitate to cut him out. I’ve seen a lot of bullies like him.” Following Jung Garam, Kim Olim also made her statents. She shook her head–it seed as if she was thinking of my feelings.
Unexpectedly, Kim Olim didn’t criticize and said, “Well, it seems like you don’t really need my advice if you haven’t contacted him yet.”
Then, she reached out and stroked my head–a rare gesture from her. Is this her version of consolation? I couldn’t avoid it, so I stared at her a bit awkwardly……
“……Don’t pretend to be cute. A full grown adult shouldn’t have that expression…it’s too much.” She said, rapidly taking her hand off when our eyes t.
When did I act cute though?? I was bewildered, but I couldn’t even complain because Kim Olim had such a serious expression.
Seo Dawon, who watched over us, smiled and opened his mouth, trying to clean up the situation. “If you’re done eating, shall we go back to what we were discussing yesterday?”
* * *
Afterwards, the table was quickly cleaned, and the traitor’s profiles were placed on top. Among them, there were so faces I knew–a few I saw through the [Vengeful Ghost’s mories] and a few I saw with Bae Jaemin, and there were so faces I didn’t recognize.
Those who worked in the Red Lotus guild or those the guild mbers personally knew were marked in red. Most impressively, Koo Kyungman’s profile was greyed out. Was that because he’s already been dealt with? Anyways, I shook my head, trying to shake away the mories of when I last saw him.
Following Koo Kyungman was the person nad [Park Hoseok]. When I saw his brutal impression exuded by the photo, I had thought I had seen him sowhere.
It turned out that Park Hoseok was one of the party mbers accompanying Bae Jaemin at the departnt store. So I knew that his face was familiar, but… It wasn’t that I knew this face well, but I felt like we’ve talked about Park Hoseok before, sohow.
However, I didn’t have much ti to dig into this contradiction. The servants were busily engrossed in plotting out traps to catch the traitors, sharing data and the speculations that they had been investigating…The strange feeling felt insignificant, so I started paying attention to what they were saying without further lingering thoughts.
“In Park Hoseok’s profile, we should pay attention to his career path. After [Red Lotus’s] execution, he moved to [Red Dragon] and is now an executive of [Ha Hae]. And, strangely enough, the fact that he’s the owner of [Gae Bolg] is not publicly well-known information.”
TL: Short update while I’m in between classes. I hope you’ve enjoyed the back-to-back 3 chapters! I’ll probably have a more erratic schedule after this (for example, next update will be in 2-3 days) Because I’ve started a new sester of grad school already and am teaching the introductory class of my departnt >.< 30 baby undergrads!!
In so ways, this chapter was both relaxing and hard to translate because it was so easy to relate to Lee-kyung. I can’t help but feel that ultimately deciding that Ki-seok was “soone who was once good to ” and that “he needed him at the ti” before forgiving both himself and the other was an emotionally mature thing to do.
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