Chapter 3: Convenient mories and a New Reality
Waking up felt absolutely terrible.
In all my life, I've never had such a sickening, unpleasant awakening.
I check my phone—yep, it wasn't a dream.
Yesterday, I was mocked by Satsuki, who I'd been dating for so long, as she broke up with , and my best friend had to help out.
I head from my room on the second floor down to the kitchen on the first floor.
Mother: "Kousuke! You look pale! Stay ho from school today!"
Sho, my best friend, must have said sothing to her. I'm grateful, though.
I don't have the energy to explain anything right now.
Stay in your room and rest! I'll bring food up to you!
As I lie down on the bed in my room, Mom brings so food.
...Isn't this a bit much for breakfast?
And it's all my favorite stuff, too.
Sigh, I can't help but let out a breath.
Even Dad is clearly worried, asking how I'm feeling.
I've made my family worry about .
I spend the whole morning lounging around in my room, wallowing in my thoughts.
I leave the house while Mom is out at her part-ti job.
It's just past noon on a Tuesday, and there's no one around.
I start walking, trying not to look at the middle school in front of my house.
I don't have a destination in mind.
Walking wherever my mood takes , I end up at the elentary school.
If I keep going, I'll reach the west area.
That's where Satsuki's house is, and the riverside park we sotis walked through together.
...I don't want to go to the west area...
It doesn't look great for a high schooler to be wandering around in the middle of the day, but I feel like walking.
I walk along the periter of the elentary school.
I can picture myself as a kid, along with Sho and another close friend, running around together.
There's a kindergarten next to the elentary school.
I walk down the path between the elentary school and the kindergarten, heading toward the candy store before going ho.
Even while walking, all I can think about is Satsuki's face, face, face.
As I space out,
"Kousuke-kun! Kousuke-kuuun!"
It's Hikaru-kun, Sho's much younger brother. Nicknad Hii-chan!
I chat with him a bit through the kindergarten fence.
"Hii-chan! You started kindergarten, right?"
"Yup! I'm in the Tulip class!"
He was just a baby not long ago...
I've always doted on Sho's little sister and brother, giving them snacks whenever I see them, so they're both attached to . They're adorable.
I say bye to Hii-chan and head ho at a leisurely pace.
At the intersection in the evening, I see a vision of Satsuki's back as she walks away.
At the busy evening intersection, I stand frozen as people pass by.
After such a decisive breakup, there's no way to fix things...
I thought to myself, this is what Satsuki wanted!
Even if I threw my true feelings, my real emotions at her, I know it wouldn't change anything.
I have to move on from these mories.
I understand that in my head.
It's painful, but I have to carry these beautiful mories with and keep moving forward.
I understand that in my head.
I loved you so much that all we ever did was kiss.
Did I treasure you too much, maybe?
Standing at this intersection forever won't do any good.
I head ho.
As I get closer to ho, naturally, the middle school next door cos into view.
"...Tch."
Passing by the middle school, a sound like a stifled scream escapes my lips.
Hot tears well up for no reason.
mories play back like a beautiful album I made myself, filled with fun tis.
I rember this happening, us fighting over that, panicking back then.
The mories are beautiful, sweet, and precious.
Every ti I recall them, my chest aches with a sharp pain. It hurts.
I once told my best friend,
"The view from my room's window is right on the middle school. If I have lots of good mories, I'll feel happy every ti I open the window, but if I have painful ones, I won't even want to open it."
I ant it as a way to say, let's make middle school life fun and full of good mories, but... it turned out to be true.
I don't want the younger students to see like this.
I escape back to my room.
It's my fault.
It's Satsuki's fault.
I hate the guy who stole her from .
These three thoughts clash and mix together, creating a ss of colors in my mind.
Because I ssed up, Satsuki was taken from .
That guy who stole her is the bad one, and Satsuki was deceived.
Satsuki changed, and that's why she was taken.
These thoughts spin around and around, but I can't reach a conclusion.
Before I know it, it's night.
If my family sees like this, they'll worry.
I force myself to look normal, eat dinner, and go to bed early.
All I can think about are awful things. I wake up from a tough dream.
After spending an even longer night than yesterday, when it all happened, I head to high school.
It's about a 20-minute trip from the nearest station.
When Satsuki and I first started high school, we'd et at the station and go together.
By May, she'd co up with all sorts of excuses, and we stopped going together.
Even so, I can still see a vision of us from the good old days, laughing together.
Mornings when we laughed waiting for the train, heading out on a date but standing a bit apart so no one would notice, only to end up closer and closer. The first day we held hands on the way to school.
The mories are sweet, gentle. And cruel.
But, of all tis, Satsuki is right there on the platform.
Back when I wanted so badly to go to school together, I never ran into her like this.
And yet, on the very day I don't want to see her face, there she is...
I freeze, unable to move on the spot.
Satsuki turns her head, and our eyes et.
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