Chapter 198: There Has Never Been Such a Thing as Fa
The sky gradually darkened as Jiang He returned with two fishing rods and a large goose.
The goose was still alive, its beady little eyes fixed on Xu Qing in the living room.
Xu Qing’s head filled with question marks.
“Why does it sll so bad?”
Jiang He wrinkled her nose, set the fishing rods aside, and walked over with the goose in one hand. Then, she spotted the durian in Xu Qing’s hands and the suspicious residue at the corner of his mouth. Her expression suddenly beca very complicated.
“Why are you carrying a goose? What were you doing all afternoon? Don’t tell …”
A theory had already ford in Xu Qing’s mind.
Fishing—failed—snatched soone’s goose instead.
Jiang He was a seasoned angler by now.
“I bought it…” Jiang He glanced down at the goose, then at the clock in the living room. Feeling slightly disgusted, she covered her nose and mumbled, “Next ti, I’ll co back earlier to cook.”
“It’s not late now either. I saved you sothing good…” Xu Qing pushed the half-eaten durian toward her.
Jiang He’s expression changed drastically, and she took several steps back.
Xu Qing licked his lips and explained, “This is called durian. It’s like stinky tofu—”
“Stop eating that!”
“…”
It took a great deal of effort to convince her that he wasn’t eating literal sh*t, but Xu Qing still couldn’t get Jiang He to take a bite.
He’d failed to scam a house today, but he did manage to snatch a durian from Xu Wenbin and the others. He had originally planned for Jiang He to enjoy it with him. Too bad.
Xu Qing had no choice but to finish it alone.
“You really didn’t just grab this from sowhere? Even if it’s free-range, soone still owns it. You should put it back.”
Jiang He was already boiling water, preparing to cook the goose. The poor bird had no idea what was happening, staring wide-eyed at Winter lon the cat.
“I bought it. So old lady at the market was selling it. It looked so pitiful, nobody wanted it, so I bought it.”
“What about the fish you caught?” Xu Qing was skeptical.
An angler coming ho empty-handed but carrying a goose was highly suspicious.
“I caught a few and gave them to Pingping.”
“Pingping?”
“The Yogurt Girl. I went fishing with her, and she didn’t catch a single one, so I gave her all mine,” Jiang He called from the kitchen.
“How generous of you.”
That explained why she ca back with two fishing rods. Xu Qing now believed she hadn’t stolen the goose.
If she had, she’d have been grinning ear to ear, bragging about her ‘trophy’ from hunting in the wild the mont she stepped inside.
“It was just a few. Not enough for us to eat anyway. She lives alone, so it’s just enough for one fried al.” Jiang He rolled up her sleeves and lifted the goose from the floor. 𐍂аＮŏᛒÈᶊ
“Wait, are you going to kill it?” Xu Qing asked.
“What else?” Jiang He looked at him strangely, holding up the goose by the neck. “You planning to bite it to death?”
“…Fine. I was just wondering why, if you wanted to eat goose, you didn’t just buy a roasted one.”
There was a roast goose shop just a street away, its golden, glistening birds hanging in the window, available by the half or whole.
“I was going to buy a duck at first. Then I saw this one and rembered how you got chased by a goose when you were little, crying your eyes out…”
“My mom exaggerated. I was chased, but I didn’t cry,” Xu Qing corrected her seriously.
“Well, I suddenly felt like eating goose.”
Jiang He pinched its wing and suddenly shoved it toward Xu Qing’s face, amused when he instinctively leaned back. Then, she dragged it into the kitchen.
Xu Qing followed, leaning against the doorfra to watch.
Honestly, if it were up to him, he wouldn’t even know how to handle it. He’d probably just snap its neck and then look up instructions on Baidu.
Jiang He, on the other hand, seed experienced. She placed a bowl on the counter, gripped the goose’s wing with her left hand, hooked one leg with her pinky, then used her index finger and thumb to secure its neck—all with one hand, effortlessly positioning it for slaughter.
“Need help—”
Before Xu Qing could finish, Jiang He grabbed a cleaver and made a swift cut across the goose’s throat. Blood gushed into the bowl as she pulled the head to the side.
“Help with what?” Jiang He glanced at him.
“…Nothing. Just be careful.”
Xu Qing watched as the goose struggled violently.
Poor thing…
“This is brutal.”
Shaking his head, he sighed. “Technically, I should be the one cutting while you stand at the door, clenching your fists and looking away…”
“You wanna do it?” Jiang He gestured toward the goose, blood still dripping.
“…Forget it.”
Xu Qing waved her off, admitting defeat. Jiang He was clearly leagues ahead of him when it ca to handling live poultry.
She’d probably hunted wild chickens and ducks for fun before, her darts flying like bullets.
He pulled out his phone to check Baidu and then reminded her, “Don’t throw out the blood.”
Traditional Chinese dicine says goose blood is neutral in nature, salty, and non-toxic. It benefits the heart, liver, and stomach, detoxifies, softens masses, improves circulation, boosts energy, and even helps prevent cancer.
“You’re the brutal one,” Jiang He muttered under her breath.
Once enough blood had been drained, she called Xu Qing over to pour hot water into a tub. Then, she dunked the goose in to loosen its feathers.
Plucking a goose wasn’t like plucking a chicken—it was much bigger. They wouldn’t be able to eat it all in one sitting. Jiang He only used half, cutting it into chunks and blanching them. Then, following an online recipe, she heated oil, caralized so sugar, and added ginger, pepper, star anise, cooking wine, and other seasonings…
The fragrant aroma of braised goose filled the kitchen.
Freshly slaughtered poultry had a different texture from frozen at. The flavors absorbed better. Even Xu Qing, who had earlier called the process brutal, now had tears streaming from his mouth instead of his eyes.
“This is your first ti making this?”
“Cooking is all the sa—control the heat and seasonings…”
Jiang He began sharing her cooking insights, but Xu Qing was already slurping up a piece of goose, spitting out a clean bone.
“Good, right?” Jiang He grinned.
“Mmm, delicious!”
Xu Qing sighed in satisfaction. Even if Jiang He ended up turning into a chubby woman one day, with cooking skills like this, it would still be worth it.
“How much was it?”
“Seventeen per jin. This one was over six jin, but she gave a discount and charged for exactly six. I paid a hundred.”
“Not bad, pretty reasonable.”
Jiang He wasn’t stingy when it ca to food. She might hesitate to buy expensive hand cream, but when it ca to at, poultry, and seafood, she wouldn’t think twice.
To her, the most important thing in life was eating—filling the belly with as many delicious things as possible. Skincare? That was at the bottom of the list. If not for Xu Qing’s obsession with kneading her hands, it wouldn’t even rank fourth or fifth.
Lost in thought, Jiang He picked out a goose foot and placed it in Xu Qing’s bowl.
“You like feet, right? Here, eat up.”
“…?”
Xu Qing felt utterly speechless.
The two of them devoured half the goose, leaving only a pile of bones. Even Winter lon got a small taste—just a tiny bit, since it wasn’t good for pets to eat too much salty food, but an occasional bite wouldn’t hurt.
Just then, Jiang He’s phone buzzed. The caller ID showed "Pingping"—previously "Gong Ping," but now upgraded to a cutesy double-syllable nickna…
That old lady must have taught her.
Xu Qing was not happy because he saw that his contact na had been saved as "Qing Qing."
"It looks like they coated it in flour. Next ti, we should try eating it this way too." Jiang He tapped on the photo she had received, zooming in with her fingers. It was a plate of small fish, fried to a golden crisp.
In the past, she'd been misled by Xu Qing and always used these little fish for soup. She had never tried frying them before.
"What’s with the ‘Qing Qing’ thing?" Xu Qing asked.
"That’s you."
"I know that. But don’t you think… it sounds kind of girly?"
"You look like a girl?" Jiang He asked in mock surprise, scanning him up and down.
"I'm talking about the na! Don’t play dumb."
"Qing Qing—doesn’t it sound nice?"
"Give your phone."
Xu Qing beckoned with his hand. Taking the phone, he rapidly typed away and changed the contact na.
Husband.
Jiang He took back her phone, stared at it silently.
"There. That’s better." Xu Qing stretched lazily, picked up Winter lon, and plopped onto the couch. He was just about to finish weaving the last section of the basket. Just a little more, and this craft project would be done.
Jiang He looked down at her phone, tapping away. She stole a glance at Xu Qing, then quickly looked back down.
So… he was her husband now?
Her heart pounded. Those two words carried a strange kind of power—an indescribable feeling.
"Actually, ‘Husband’ looks kinda weird on WeChat. Co here, I’ll change it aga—"
Before Xu Qing could finish, Jiang He bolted for her room, thud thud thud.
"…?"
When she ca back out, she no longer had her phone in hand. She spread her palms and said calmly, "Battery died." Then, she sat down at the computer and started playing a ga.
"…As long as you're happy."
Xu Qing sighed and gave up on changing it again, focusing instead on helping Jiang He finish the basket.
Now that they lived together, the basket wasn’t just for Jiang He. He could use it to store his power bank, bus card, and other small things. Keeping it on the windowsill ant he could just grab whatever he needed, and if he didn’t need anything, he could just leave it in the basket—no more digging around last minute.
"A woman was robbed at knifepoint… during the arrest… thankfully, a helpful citizen intervened…"
"My grandpa’s grandpa’s grandpa, way back in the day, was Xu Chu."
"This is called Tiger Madman Fist."
"First train the waist, power starts from the ground, flows through the legs, reaches the shoulders, elbows, and wrists."
"All martial arts, no matter how they change, follow the sa fundantal principles."
Hearing the choppy -like audio, Xu Qing frowned. This wasn't the sa video as before. "What are you watching?"
"You made the front page." Jiang He didn’t even turn around, watching with great interest.
"Front page?"
Xu Qing set down his things and leaned over to check.
Holy sh*t. A brand-new edit.
Even GIFs from the news had been spliced in—his Twin Peaks Strike the Ears move was in there too.
"It’s not exactly divine martial arts, just Tiger Madman Fist."
"You must combine waist and stance when training."
"Standing punishnt? Doesn't exist."
Jiang He: "Too weak."
"If I say east, she wouldn’t dare go west."
"This is called… the Family Hierarchy."
"Wife, give a kiss."
Jiang He: "Get lost!"
"Arguing? We just fight directly."
"First train the waist, power starts from the ground, flows through the legs, reaches the shoulders, elbows, and wrists."
…The f***?
Xu Qing didn't know whether to be impressed by how accurately it was edited or to be annoyed.
There he was, pulling off Twin Peaks Strike the Ears, getting "punished" to stand still—looking like a proper martial arts master—only for Jiang He to call him "too weak" with a deadpan face.
"How did this even get on the front page?" Xu Qing clicked around with the mouse.
"It was already there when I opened the app."
Jiang He was thoroughly enjoying herself. "It’s funny. You look so strong outside, but when you get ho, you’re just weak."
"It’s not ‘look like’—that’s exactly how it is."
"…"
"It’s over. My lifelong reputation is ruined." Xu Qing ruffled his hair. His phone started blowing up with notifications. He glanced at the screen.
Wang Zijun: "HAHAHAHAHA!"
Wang Zijun: "Video share."
In another group chat, over 99 ssages had already flooded in—most of them were just screenshots of him "being too weak." Qin Hao was ho bored and had sent the most ssages.
"Looks like we…" Xu Qing clicked on Jiang He’s profile. The view count on her old livestream recordings had skyrocketed. "...we might’ve gone viral."
"Who?" Jiang He asked.
"Okay… fine. I might’ve gone viral." Xu Qing checked his main account. His video on making chainmail had also gained a ton of views.
Local martial artist. Tiger Madman Fist. Likes ssing with armor. A good Samaritan. Helps fight cri while out for a stroll.
This was his new public image.
Luck was called luck because you never knew when it would strike—or in what form.
"This is a good thing, right?" Jiang He guessed. It didn’t seem like there was any downside. More views ant more exposure, which ant Xu Qing would be more famous.
"I guess…" Xu Qing scratched his head. "For now, yeah, it’s a good thing."
A martial arts master who takes down ard criminals outside but gets completely bossed around at ho.
That was the narrative this edit was pushing, and clearly, the internet was eating it up.
"But, I’m a little worried…"
Bzzz—Bzzz—Bzzz—
His phone vibrated non-stop.
Xu Qing spread his hands. "There it is. That’s what I was worried about."
"What the hell is this ‘Tiger Madman Fist’?!"
As soon as he answered the call, Xu Wenbin got straight to the point.
"It’s just a joke. I told you earlier—I’ve been practicing a bit. If I hadn’t, I would’ve ended up in the hospital like Haozi that day."
"Then what’s the deal with you two?! I thought you were making videos, but she’s doing so—so kind of… what was it…"
Xu Wenbin struggled to recall the long list of technical jargon Jiang He had ntioned before.
Xu Qing: "Using a very large-scale integrated circuit microprocessor system to connect to a modem, which links to a server, enabling high-speed information exchange with other network users."
He rattled it off like a stand-up routine.
Xu Wenbin's head hurt. "Don’t give that tech babble. What the hell is it?"
"Aiya, we’re just bored at ho, playing gas and stuff. And then I, uh… you know how it is."
"Know my ass!"
"Basically, we play gas, practice martial arts, make armor, and earn a bit of pocket money. That video was fake, just taken out of context. No way I actually get bullied—"
"Who cares if you get bullied?! That’s not the point! I’m asking about this whole… whatever-the-hell-you’re doing!"
Xu Qing motioned for Jiang He to keep playing, then sat down to explain properly.
"Dad, I might actually be blowing up. Just wait till I make a few million, and you’ll be the father of a rich man…" His tone suddenly turned smug.
"Don’t give that crap! You’re doing… what, streaming?"
"Yep." Seeing that he couldn’t dodge the question anymore, Xu Qing admitted it cleanly.
"Still trying to deny—wait, what did you just say?"
"We’re livestreaming martial arts and armor-making."
"…Oh."
Xu Wenbin paused for a few seconds.
"…Yeah, okay then."
"Yep, that’s right."
"…Alright."
"…Alright."
A brief silence. Then—
"Okay, I’m hanging up now."
…???
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