Chapter 585: Missed Monts
I very nearly had sothing to say, very nearly eting her surprise gesture with words, but not of gratitude. Having these tickets in my hand, feeling the residual warmth from when she still held them in hers... the last thing I could be feeling now was gratitude.
It took a mont to find the words, and just when I thought I finally did find them... Amanda found hers first.
“Okay, listen, look...” Amanda spun her entire body towards , pushing a finger to my mouth with wide unblinking eyes pleading for to hear her out. “Do not dare give them back to , do not dare say you don’t want them. I know you’re feeling bad, I know you’ll probably feel like the worst boyfriend in the universe taking them from . But please believe , like really, really believe , when I tell you I want you to have them.”
There was a pause, and I pounced for it, wriggling my lips free from her binds, “Amanda, I can’t just take them and – ”
“Yes, you can! Listen to , just take them, I want you to take them,” Before I could even react, Amanda’s speedy hands swiped the tickets from my grip, stuffing them deep, deep down my coat pocket. “You go with Ash. you make her happy, you make her one wish co true, alright? Easy-peasy.”
“And what about you?” I demanded before she could interrupt again. “Asking to take them is the sa thing as asking to just forget about you.”
“No, you won’t. You won’t forget about , you can never,” She said, confident, half-amused, half-exasperated. “That’s the one single drawback to this. Even if I tell you to, you won’t forget. The entire ti, I’ll be on your mind. And sadly, try as I might, I can’t stop you from thinking without violating so human rights act. Just do a favor, try not to be too obvious about it, won’t you? Or else Ash will get suspicious.”
.....
Oh, how I hated this... this tug of war on all sides, I could almost physically feel myself being pulled in all kinds of directions by vastly diffrent emotional fronts. But nothing was more a kick to the heart than having Amanda assuring that it’s okay. No, this wasn’t okay. So why was she trying so hard to make it out to be that way?
“Anyway, I think it’s my cue to abruptly change the subject now...” Amanda said, rising to her feet, clicking close, and powering down the camcorder by her side. “Because I think we’re just about done here now.”
Then there she went, quickly striding off out of the room, making the choice for to stay or go. I followed after her, and with every step she took that I made right after, it felt more as if I was chasing her down than actually just trailing her... and in a way, I guess I was in a sort of pursuit, made even more arduous by the things in my pocket weighing down like anchors.
This wasn’t over yet.
“Just like that?” I muttered, faint whispered words turned to magnified echoes in the empty halls of the fourth floor. “You really have nothing more to say about this?”
And just as well, my ears caught the quiet sigh she blew out right after.
“I really don’t, no,” She flatly answered. “But I know you do, and I know you have a lot, but I’m telling you, you don’t have to. If I was at all reluctant, if I really didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t have done it.”
“Because you’re you, Amanda,” I said, nearly slipping following after through a sharp corner. “If soone’s struggling, distress, you wouldn’t hesitate, especially if it’s soone like ... you’ll do anything to help, even if it’s at your own expense.”
“Oh, gee, and I wonder where I must have picked that up from?” She said, throwing back a dry glance. “Must be quite the bad influence, should probably cut ties, huh?”
“You should be upset,” I said, every word bouncing down in ti to the hard concrete steps to the third floor. “You set up a date and ti, you put in so much effort, and here I am daydreaming about sothing else instead.”
“Is that how you saw it?” She chuckled at that, while also simultaneously picking up her pace, “Wow, that’s so mad arrogance.”
“You’re not even a little annoyed at ?” I asked, striding quicker to match her speed. “You’re really this willing to let this whole thing slide?”
“Livestearms are a thing, for your information. Not like I’ll be missing it out on anything anyway.”
“That’s beside the point,” I groaned. “It’s not just the tickets. It’s , it’s you – tis like this, it feels as if you’re too generous for your own good.”
“So you just want upset then, is that it? You want mad? If that’s what it takes to convince you, then I think I can do that, umm, let’s see...” She briefly paused, making a clear show out of clearing her throat before expelling a disgruntled breath. “Ah, you! You sleazy pig! You’re seriously just the worst! I got all dressed up, got everything all planned out. I was so, so looking forward to today! But you can’t even be bothered to pay attention to just for a single day, just for a few hours? Ah, I’m so frustrated!”
Mocking, taunting, the usual ploys she’d deploy to try and diffuse the tension. She was using it again, with a hint of a smile in her tone... but for so reason, it wasn’t working as effectively this ti.
“Argh, I really don’t get it! Why? Why is it like this? Am I really that boring of a companion? That vapid, that I can’t even keep your attention? Even after trying so hard, even after wanting so bad,” She continued on, and at a certain point, I wasn’t at all sure which side of her was the facade anymore. “Is it , after all? Am I just not that good enough for you compared to everyone else? Is that it? Is it? Had to resort to letting you talk about other girls just to retain your interest?! And them, you can go on and on about! They don’t even have to try, they already have your attention But ? I can barely just hold you over! Am I that bad? Am I really that – ?”
I caught up close enough to be able to reach out and pull her to a dead stop, my grip tight on her wrist in fear she’d try to pull free. Her eyes widened, freezing, slowly turning back around, slightly startled.
“Hey, hey, relax, I’m not being serious,” She told , reverting back to a softer, gentler voice. “I didn’t an any of it, and hey, you asked for it! I was just playing around...”
“Uh-huh,” I said, nodding, staring, our distances shortening. “Or maybe I’m just not the only one who was seeing it that way...”
There’s that smile forming again, that chuckle resounding again, and that disbelieving stare... always so springy. “Why can’t you accept that I’m really fine with it? I feel for you, I want to help you, and so I did. Why can’t we just leave it at that? Why can’t you just say thank you and move on?”
“Do you want to just thank you? Do you want to just move on?” I asked her. “The next ti, the ti after... do you want to just keep thanking you every single ti too?”
Then one by one, the beam in her smile, the kindness in her stare, and the joy in her voice – they all instantly froze. In my grip, I felt her hand curl into a fist, “That’s not what I’m telling you to do...”
“Tell , then, because I still haven’t a single clue,” I asked, edging closer. “What are you telling to do?”
It seems even Amanda was unsure herself. Ten seconds went by, and a full minute it beca before I heard anything else coming from her narrowed lips.
“Do you know why I bought the tickets in the first place?” She suddenly asked . “It wasn’t just an excuse for another date, another event to try and get you all to myself. Well, it was that, but it was also – I... I bought them because I wanted sothing special for myself... a kind of special mory... a special mont, just and you, you know?”
“A special mont?”
Amanda nodded once, a fleeting smile faltering. “I never have one of my own... I don’t think. Just a ti, just a mont, when it’s , you, and nobody else. With Ash, Irene, it just kinda happened, didn’t it? Nobody forced it to happen, and I don’t want to force it either. Maybe I’m being greedy, or perhaps I’m just a glut for affection... but I’ve been wanting one for so long now... been trying for one, one of these days perhaps... sohow out of sheer luck, that it’ll finally be my turn soon.”
Her cheeks were a bit flushed. It was understandable – sothing so frivolous, so ridiculous as this having to confess it would make anybody grimace. Yet, hearing her say it in the way she said it... it didn’t sound too ridiculous.
“A typical relationship, you don’t usually have to try and cut in line, you know? Get your ti in the spotlight...” She muttered. “But I didn’t mind it, if that’s what it took to be with you – so be it. So that’s what those tickets were for, you see? cutting in line. A one-way ticket hopefully to that special mont with you.”
“And you’re giving it away...” I said.
“Because I realize, as special and morable as it’ll be for ...” She lowered her head, letting out a little breath of acceptance. “For Ash, it’ll be a thousand tis more morable and special... so what is it exactly that I’m telling you to do, you ask? It’s simple, share it with her, that special mont, because clearly, it’s her mont now... not mine. ”
I must have pulled so kind of face, for imdiately after, Amanda softened hers, forming again that gentle assuring look, intertwining our hands together, burying my fingers in the warmth of her mittens.
“Co now, we’re all adults here, aren’t we? We all learned how to share, didn’t we? I’m fine. It’s you here that’s the one struggling,” She remarked, her eyes observing my expression. “Not easy the harem life, is it? You win so, you lose so... and in this case... I suppose this has to be my loss, then, huh?”
“I’m sorry...” I told her, and imdiately she went and burst into full-blown laughter.
“Why the hell are you saying sorry for, you dummy?” She asked, after many failed attempts at containing her amusent. “There’s always next ti, right? There are still plenty of chances to have sothing special. It’s just a matter of ti. For now, why don’t you really say what you have to say in the first place?”
Our breaths were in-sync, and every motion of our bodies was too... shifting in closer to her, I could feel her breathing getting faster. When she blinked, I followed along. When she jutted her lips forward, I leaned mine closer. And when she closed her eyes, I shut mine right after.
Once more our breaths were in-sync, and beyond that, they were as one... still mirroring each other’s every action. She clenched my hands, I gripped back. Her light moans harmonious with my heavy groans. Her lips pressed hard against ... and I pressed back even harder.
Then we broke apart, with a gasp, with a shudder, holding her close still, I muttered, “Thank you.”
Amanda smiled, her lips faintly gleaming with drool. She raised a sleeve to her face, rubbing away... and when she dropped it back dpwm again, I realized then she had also rubbed away her smile.
“It’s funny...” She spoke softly, batting once at , her gaze long and staring distant. “I never realized you’ve beco this good of a kisser. It’s like you’re so used to it already, and anwhile, I barely even knew what I was doing... you must have had plenty of practice in-between, haven’t you? Unlike ...”
It’s not as if she was even looking for an answer, she didn’t look at as if she wanted one. She was wondering, musing... and I just happened to be there to listen in on her thoughts.
Her true thoughts.
“It makes wonder, actually...” Another look on her face, another long stare almost dimly obscured by her bangs, and another amused chuckle... a weak one at that. “Just how many special monts have you had already?”
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