Mostly monotony. The next few hours, doing nothing but nothing. I know I tend to mostly exaggerate things all the way out of proportion, making mountains out of molehills… but know that this ti it is with heartfelt earnestness when I say I was truly utterly bored out of my fucking mind.
I needed to be doing sothing, and I wanted it to be sothing that wasn't nothing.
But it was like the whole world was standing in opposition. It was a fight to the death just trying to stand up again, my body obviously did not approve of my daring escape attempt last ti - now if I tried again, I'll be sent spastic slamming to the floor as shockwaves of pain rendered immobile like so kind of electric shock collar had been placed all over .
First ti in my life I wanted to be proactive, and life itself was wagging its finger at for it. Seriously you just can't win, man.
I even tried to reason with my nurse here. I proposed that she could be my eyes and ears, go up there for and see what's what - no good, Amanda just wouldn't budge, anything that didn't have anything to do with my road to recovery was strictly kept up high on the top shelf where my short stubby little hands couldn't reach for it.
Nope, instead, I got constant reminders to drink plenty of water, and so fruit or a snack every thirty minutes, always imdiately followed by the sa three questions over and over.
Doctor Irene's guidelines, apparently.
-How are you feeling?
-Are you sleepy?
-You don't have to keep staring out the window, you know?
I don't have to, that doesn't an I didn't want to. I'm going strong on my fourth hour in watching the gooey black still not dissipate from the building right across, don't stop now.
Amanda kept that worried-anxious look every ti she found in her sights, and seeing as she's practically my overseer, that tends to happen quite a bit.
"You know, you kinda scare ," She muttered suddenly out of the blue. "In a strange sort of roundabout way."
It was an intriguing little remark, certainly intriguing enough to have breaking my four-hour streak to briefly turn her way.
"How do you figure?"
She gave this discomforting chuckle. "The fact that I have to explain it to you kinda already affirms my point."
"Again," I said, combo-ing my stare with a frown. "How do you figure?"
"Do you hear yourself at all when Irene is telling about all the risks and repercussions when it ca to doing what you did?"
I tried to think back, then realized it was pointless. "Bit too focused on paying attention to those risks and repercussions to even listen to myself talk."
'Well, I listened," She said. 'Want to know what I heard? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She essentially had just read out your death sentence… and you just sat there and listen, maybe nodding your head once or twice, but never any more than that."
Gave myself a few monts there, taking it all in with so slow blinks - but nope, I'm still not getting it.
"My silence… scares you?"
Amanda dropped her head, her gaze turning excruciatingly dull. "Your indifference scares , dummy."
"Indifference?"
"All this ti I'm with you, I've never heard you once scream to the heavens 'why ?' it's a little… I don't know… weird."
"What other choice do I have, Amanda?" I asked, feeling my lips curve to the most confused smirk ever. "It's either I do it, or bye-bye earth, right?"
"Exactly," She threw an arm up. "You don't have a choice. But the thing is you never once complained that you never had a choice."
"Complaining's just a waste of breath."
"Yeah, and I agree, wholeheartedly," A sigh. "But Ash, Irene even, they still wasted it anyway - wha - I'm wasting it anyway. We all worry what you do to yourself… you keep pushing that line… aren't you worried that it's going to break?"
"Amanda, from the start we all knew the risk of this plan. We all knew I could die, we accepted that - "
"We all knew, yes," She interrupted, her voice going soft. "But with the exception of you, it feels like we're the only ones that would have cared."
I shook my head. "I don't wanna die."
"But I ask… if that's what it took, what then?"
It was an easy question, I thought. No doubts, no hesitation. So why couldn't I answer it? It's a no, right? I want to say 'I wouldn't', didn't I? Then, say it. Co on, say it.
I couldn't say it.
"Yeah," Amanda nodded, whispered in the silence that persisted. "That's what scares ."
There wasn't much talk after that. According to her, I shouldn't even be anyway. What I needed was to rest, down another cup of water, bite a chunk out of another apple.
Doctor's orders.
anwhile, my eyes veered back to that open window, to that building sared in inky black, ever on the lookout for the very mont it started to recede, disappear, go away - just anything besides staying where it was.
I needed sothing to happen, just show anything. All I ever got was perpetual nothing.
Soon the sky was casting a bright orange again. It's morning, it's six… and the only thing new was that my view of the Blight just got a bit brighter.
Wait and see…
Well, I waited, alright. I definitely saw. Where is -
"Still staring?"
Amanda was peeking her eyes from the corner of the doorway. Recently returning probably with another brimming cup and I don't know, let guess… apple?
"Thirty minutes went by fast," I comnted. "At least make it an orange or sothing."
"Nope! No orange," She sounded jovial. "I got sothing even better than that." She sounded cheeky.
Sothing did happen. Sothing good.
I opened my mouth at once, and seeing how quick I caught on - I don't know how or why Amanda's imdiate response to that was to suddenly chuck sothing at without any heads up.
Yeah, the guy still recovering, senses dulled and battered, probably would only run away from a bomb five minutes after it exploded? Hurl a brick at him going lightspeed, it'll go great.
Thank God, I caught it anyway… who knew a ribcage would be such a good montum-stopper? Aha! Trick question! It isn't.
Fucking ow.
"Sorry, sorry!" Amanda sped up, trying, failing to hide a smile, all the while flailing her arms. "I got too worked up. I forgot! Ah - here!"
My nurse just broke her Hippocratic Oath and still her expression persisted looking so damn giddy. Just what the hell does she have in store -
"My phone!" The surprise I felt imdiately subsided any pain whatsoever. "I forgot you still had it. Why didn't you give it to earlier?"
Amanda raised it to my eyes with both hands, held out horizontally and with the brightness level at its lowest.
"Doctor's orders," She piped up, her wide smile still lurking behind the phone. "No bright lights, that's what she said. That ans no phone, you'd just throw up - and I didn't tell you beforehand cause I didn't want to deal with the headache of you asking for it over and over."
Fair enough. It's still blurry and blinding anyway dim as it was…. Yeah, no bright lights alright.
"What are you showing ?" I asked, feeling the tears welling from my squinting eyes. "All I see are words, hearts - a lot of arrows too."
"A live stream!" She yelled. She didn't have to yell. "London! Happening right now! Rember London?"
When she said that, I went harsh lights be damned and widen my eyes as much as possible because I definitely rembered London.
It was the city she showed on her phone when this entire fiasco first started. I can still rember that chilling video, how the Blightfall battered against the windowpane… how it ended with it overlooking a bustling, panicking city drowning in a downpour of scarlet red.
This stream… this ti… there was another downpour happening. Only this ti, the rain was no longer red.
My speaker was blaring the bewildered cheers and yelps from the confused strear, so shook he can't even keep his hand steady, he just kept whirling the cara round and round trying to capture everything all at once.
The roads returned back to their asphalt black. Awnings, balconies, every structure I manage to spot in the chaos, the red sludge coating every inch was curling into itself… like the pouring rain was dissolving it all away.
Strear-man kept running up and down the sidewalk, his boots splashing and splattering, his shaky cara capturing the shock and awe on the many bystanders staring up into the sky.
This was what I wanted to see. This was the sothing that I wanted to happen.
And it was finally happening.
"London isn't the only one either," bead Amanda, swishing and flicking her finger on the display.
Russia was thundering. Japan was storming. Australia was pouring.
Everywhere was raining.
It was happening.
"I told you, didn't I?" She placed the phone, wearing a rather haughty look on her face. "You see, you did it. You actually did it."
Any other ti I'd responded back with sothing witty and clever. Any other ti, I'm sure. Not this ti…
In the distance, sowhere above the open window, blew in a hefty breeze, and up there sowhere… the skies began to rumble too.
Definitely not this ti.
"Yeah…" I muttered back, staring out the window where the first few droplets started to pour. "I actually did."
Rain again.
Just rain.
Hallelujah.
Reviews
All reviews (0)