We just stood there on the sidewalk, phones pressed to our ears, listening to each other’s quiet breathing. I lowered my phone first, and she did the sa a second later.
"You were following ," she said. It wasn’t a question.
"You ran off," I replied. "I was trying to find you to apologize."
The first thing that hit , clear as anything, was this wave of relief. ’She didn’t hear them.’ She had been walking behind , which ant she couldn’t have heard what Tyler and Ronnie said.
She didn’t hear them talk about her like that. The thought that she was safe from their disgusting words was the only good thing that had happened in the last hour. The rage I felt was still there, but now it was different. It was quiet, and it was all about her.
"What are you doing back here?" I asked.
"I... I forgot my textbook," she said, her voice small. "I ca back for it."
We were just standing there, an awkward, silent island in the middle of the sidewalk. I knew I couldn’t have this conversation here. Not after everything.
"Look," I said, my voice coming out more firm than I expected. "Can we... can we go sowhere? I’ll buy you a coffee or sothing. I just... I need to say sothing, and I can’t do it here."
She just looked at for a second, her expression was hard to read. I was pretty sure she was going to say no, to tell to leave her alone again. But she just gave this tiny, almost invisible nod.
I knew a small café a few blocks away. It was quiet, the kind of place no one from our school would ever go to. We walked in silence. I was hyper-aware of every scrape my shoe made on the ground, every person who glanced at us as we passed. My mind was a ss. What they said about her, what I’d done in class, what i saw on the roof. It was all tangled up, and I had no idea how to start unraveling it.
We found a small table in the back corner. I ordered two coffees because I didn’t know what else to do, and the woman behind the counter brought them over. Nina just stared into her cup, her fingers wrapped around the warm mug. She wasn’t looking at . She was still mad. I didn’t bla her.
I sat there, my own coffee getting cold, trying to figure out how to start. I kept trying to find the perfect words, the right combination that would fix everything. I was treating it like so kind of math problem, like if I just found the right formula, the answer would be okay.
’This is so stupid,’ I thought, finally looking at her. ’You’re just making it worse.’
I took a breath. And then I just started talking.
"I’m sorry," I said, the words feeling small and stupid but they were all I had. "For this morning. In class. Sorry for ignoring you. That was a shitty thing to do."
She didn’t look up, but I saw her fingers tighten around her mug.
"It wasn’t about you," I continued, my voice quiet. "I wasn’t embarrassed of you, or trying to play gas, or any of that stuff you said in your text. It’s... . I’m the one who’s screwed up."
I stopped and looked down at my own hands. ’Just say it, you idiot. Just tell her.’
"I’m scared of people looking at ," I said, and the words felt like they were being pulled out of one by one. "When everyone in the class turns and stares... I just shut down. It feels like... like I’m thirteen again."
She looked up at , confused. "Thirteen?"
I took a breath. This was it. I was either going to tell her the real reason or this was never going to work.
"In middle school," I started, my voice quiet. "I was pretty much the sa as I am now. Quiet, kept to myself. I ate lunch alone, I read manga during breaks. I didn’t have any friends. I didn’t think I needed any. It was just easier that way."
I looked at my coffee cup, tracing the rim with my finger. "Then this new kid transferred in, about halfway through 7th grade. His na was AJ. He sat next to in science class. One day, he saw drawing a character from this ani I was watching, and he didn’t make fun of . He just asked what show it was from."
A small smile found its way onto my face without even noticing. "We started talking after that. It turned out he was into all the sa stuff I was. Sa gas, sa shows. For the first ti, I had soone to talk to about all the nerdy shit I liked. We started hanging out every day. We’d go to each other’s houses after school and just play video gas for hours. He was my best friend. My only friend, really."
I stopped, the mory feeling so clear it was like it happened yesterday. "It was the first ti in my life I didn’t feel like a complete weirdo for liking the things I liked. It was the first ti I didn’t feel alone."
I looked up at her. She was just listening, her full attention on . It made it easier to keep going.
"Then, at the end of 8th grade, his dad got a job in another city. They were moving that sumr. It sucked, but we promised we’d stay in touch. We had our phones, we could still play online together. I really believed it would be okay."
The good feeling from the mory started to fade. "For the first few weeks, it was fine. We texted all the ti, just like normal. But then... it started to slow down. I’d text him about a new ga, and it would take him a day to reply. The replies got shorter, too. Went from full sentences to just ’cool’ or ’lol’."
"I kept trying," I said, my voice getting a little thicker. "I figured he was just busy with his new school, making new friends. I’d ask him if he wanted to play sothing on the weekend, and he’d say he couldn’t, that he had plans. It happened a few tis. Then a few more. Eventually, I just stopped asking."
"I sent him a ssage on his birthday that year. Just ’Happy Birthday, man.’ He never even opened it. I checked. It just said ’Delivered’."
I looked down at my hands. They were clenched into fists on the table. I didn’t even realize I’d done it.
"And that was it. He was gone. I just got... erased. Like I never mattered. And I decided right then that I was never going to let that happen again. It’s easier to be alone than to have soone you care about just... decide you’re not worth their ti anymore and disappear."
I finally looked at her. Her expression was completely soft, and she was looking at like she was seeing sothing entirely new.
"This morning," I said, my voice barely a whisper. "When we were walking, and everyone was staring and whispering... it just all ca back. I felt that sa panic. I felt like any second, you were going to look at , and look at everyone else, and realize... you were making a mistake. That you were the popular girl and I was just so loner nobody, and you’d just... disappear too."
"So I shut down," I finished, feeling completely drained. "I ignored you because I was a coward. I was afraid that if you saw what it was like to be around , with everyone watching, you’d leave. And I figured it would hurt less if I just pushed you away first. It was stupid, and it was selfish, and I’m so, so sorry, Nina."
The café was quiet. I had said everything. All of it. I just sat there, waiting for her to say sothing, to tell I was an idiot, to get up and leave.
But she didn’t.
A single tear rolled down her cheek. Then another. She didn’t make a sound, just sat there as silent tears stread down her face. She wasn’t sobbing or making a scene. She was just... crying. For .
She reached her hand across the table, not to touch , but just... offering it.
"Kofi," she said, her voice choked with emotion. "You’re such a dumbass."
And even though she was crying, and her voice was a ss, there was a small, watery smile on her face. "But... thank you. For telling ."
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