TL/Editor: looloo
Status: ongoing
Illustrations: posted in discord
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It happened.
A child of Yeonho and mine was in my womb.
Who could understand the joy that overwheld when I received confirmation of this fact?
I also knew.
We were still only twenty years old.
How challenging it would be if we recklessly had a child like this. How much criticism we would face from others.
Despite knowing that, I had accepted Yeonho on what I claid was a safe day.
If a child could be conceived even with that tiny, minuscule chance.
If proof of our love could co into being.
If it could create a visible attachnt that would prevent Yeonho from easily throwing his life away for another life again, as he had in his previous life. Sothing that would make him unable to carelessly risk his life.
If it could reduce that endless possibility of despair, even just a little.
Yes, if only that could happen.
I could endure any judgntal looks or hardships.
Though I felt sorry for Yeonho, who would have to endure it with .
It was purely, entirely my selfish desire.
Although it was a pregnancy born of such self-interest, I loved Sarang just as much as Yeonho did. Even though I couldn't feel any movent yet, she was already so precious and lovable.
Also, when the doctor let us hear the baby's heartbeat.
Tears stread down my face. I couldn't help it. The evidence of life inside felt so incredibly real.
I burst into sobs soon after.
This was our baby.
Sothing we couldn't see before. Sothing Yeonho surely would have seen back then too, if he had survived.
Ours, Yeonho's, mine.
A baby.
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Raei Translations
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Thankfully, although Yeonho was surprised that we were having a baby, he never once suggested getting rid of it. I was grateful that he seed to consider it without even thinking about that, worrying about our future instead.
Of course, I had expected Yeonho would be like that, but still.
"Sarang."
"Hm?"
"How about we use 'Sarang' as our baby's prenatal na?"
"If you like it, that's fine with . But isn't it a bit common?"
"I don't care if it's common or not... How should I put it. It's just so lovable. You, Yeonho, and our baby too. That's the only thing I can think of."
"Let's go with that, then."
And so we decided on 'Sarang' as our baby's prenatal na. There wasn't any special aning or significance to it. It was just that nothing else ca to mind.
It felt like my love for Yeonho had manifested in this world.
"Our Sarang, you have to stay still and not hurt Mommy, okay? Got it?"
"...Hehe... Mommy... Yeah. I'm a mom now, aren't I?"
"That's right, Sarang's mom."
"I love that... I love it so much, Sarang's dad."
Yes. We were now Sarang's mom and dad. I will give all my love.
To Yeonho, and to our Sarang.
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Raei Translations
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Together with Yeonho, we confessed to our parents about the pregnancy. While they didn't simply bla us for our reckless actions, they seed to have a lot to worry about in various ways.
What could I say here?
If there was a sinner in this situation, it was alone.
"That's enough. Don't I know our kid? When that girl says she wants to do sothing, how could you refuse?"
I couldn't make a single excuse to Mom, who was clearly saying the cause lay with , not Yeonho.
anwhile, I was relieved that even our parents were considering having the baby as a premise for their concerns. As long as they didn't tell us to get rid of the child, I could endure any criticism or punishnt. I had the confidence to bear it all.
It didn't matter that we couldn't have a wedding ceremony before Jeongwoo oppa's. Of course, I wanted to if we had the chance, but it was fine even if we didn't.
That wasn't what was important. The only thing that mattered was being together with Yeonho and Sarang.
"Then we'll just register the marriage... We'll have to move out of the room too. Actually, this works out well. Heena, you can use your old room again, and Yeonho should go back ho to focus on his college entrance exam until then."
But this, I couldn't accept.
Yeonho moving away from .
"Can't Yeonho stay with too? Or I could go with him...!"
The mont I heard Mom's words, my mind went blank. Going back ho was fine. Or even staying at Yeonho's house.
As long as Yeonho was by my side, I'd be okay anywhere.
"Lee Heena! Is this the ti to be stubborn?!"
Mom raised her voice, but I couldn't give in. This wasn't stubbornness, it was sothing that absolutely had to happen.
Yeonho, at least Yeonho, has to stay by my side!
Absolutely!
From then on, I couldn't see anything else. For the first ti in my life, I fought with Mom, raising my voice. At that mont, I didn't care that my in-laws were watching, or that Yeonho was right there.
I truly couldn't live without Yeonho by my side.
When Mom finally tried to drag away.
"No!!"
"Are you going to get up or not?! How long are you going to embarrass yourself in front of your in-laws..."
Drip, drip. My emotions were out of control. The only thing on my mind was wanting to be with Yeonho.
I know I did sothing stupid and immature, but.
Please understand.
"N-no... *sob*... I, without Yeonho... *wail*... I can't..."
I can't be without Yeonho.
Don't take Yeonho away from .
Don't make him drift away from .
"*hiccup*... I won't let go! *sob*... *waaaah*..."
Please, I'm begging you.
I don't care about anything else.
Just let stay by Yeonho's side.
"I said... *sob*... I want to be... with Yeonho..."
That's all I need.
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Raei Translations
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Looking back after I cald down, I couldn't lift my face from embarrassnt. I couldn't believe it. Of course, all those emotions and feelings were genuine, but still.
To think I'd cry like a child, throw a tantrum, and fight with Mom in front of my in-laws and Yeonho.
I wanted to hide in a mouse hole if there was one. The doctor had said I'd have mood swings, but to think it would happen at a ti like this.
Mother-in-law understood, saying it was because I was pregnant, but I was just ashad.
But even so.
I was happy that I could still stay with Yeonho from now on. I was grateful to Yeonho, who said he'd co to first, for my sake.
He looked so cool when he hugged tightly and told Mom firmly that he would stay by my side.
"I'm sorry..."
"No, it's okay. You just got anxious again, right?"
"Yeah... I feel like I absolutely can't be without you now..."
"Don't worry. I told you, didn't I? I'll always be by your side."
"I'll believe you... Thank you for coming with . I love you."
"I love you too. Let's go to sleep early tonight. I'll hold you until you fall asleep."
Thank you for smiling kindly at my apology and saying you'll hold until I fall asleep.
I love you.
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Raei Translations
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After cleaning out the studio apartnt, we returned to my house and started living together in my room. Just the fact that he was by my side allowed to feel at ease, and whenever we were apart even for a mont, my anxiety would surge.
It felt as if Sarang was whispering to . Telling never to be apart from Daddy.
Don't worry, Sarang.
Mommy will be with Daddy forever.
And once again, days overflowing with happiness began.
"Daddy's saying weird things, right, Sarang?"
"No, as if Sarang would ans-"
"Sarang says she prefers 'honey' or 'darling'!"
"Haha..."
Though we had only registered our marriage without a ceremony, we were already no different from a married couple. Now, I often called Yeonho "honey" instead of his na.
Actually, it didn't matter what I called him, but his reactions were so cute when I did that I found myself doing it more unconsciously.
"Mmm~ Chu!"
"...Heena, again today?"
Also, at night, now I could shalessly accept him inside as much as I wanted, so I clung to Yeonho every single day.
"Mom seems to have noticed... Shouldn't we restrain ourselves a bit?"
"Chu, chu! Mm~ Mom's known every ti we did it anyway?"
I inford him that it was already pointless to worry. While Yeonho was studying, I had already talked with Mom many tis.
About how gentle and affectionate he was at night. How good it felt when he whispered countless "I love you"s and touched softly.
Especially now that I was pregnant, it made so happy how he treated like a treasure, being extra careful out of concern for my body. Of course, I also liked it when he played with like a toy.
I had shared my thoughts on those joyous and overwhelming monts with Mom more tis than I could count now.
"Let's do it from behind. Okay?"
And I entrusted my body to him, who was already eyeing my chest while trying to subtly back out. For days on end.
So we could do it as much as we wanted before it beca difficult.
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Raei Translations
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Yeonho's retaking of the college entrance exam was progressing smoothly. His own determination was strong, and since I was by his side all day, I helped him study while putting everything else on the back burner.
And I'm not just saying this because he's my husband, but Yeonho really was the type who could succeed if he tried. It's certainly not easy for grades to steadily improve like this no matter how hard one studies.
I was a bit worried that he was pushing himself too hard and focusing only on studying, but seeing him endure and work even harder for and Sarang, I couldn't help but cheer him on.
After months of hard work like that.
Yeonho was able to finish his retake with the best scores he'd ever achieved. To the point where it seed silly that I had oppa drive us by car on the day of the exam, just in case sothing happened - as if it were the most natural thing, nothing went wrong.
As soon as the exam was over, Yeonho kept his promise and never left my side, taking care of .
I was so grateful for that, which made act even more spoiled. Of course, it was partly because my anxiety symptoms and mood swings were getting worse as my belly grew larger and I could feel Sarang growing day by day.
But it wasn't just that.
"Yeonho, wake up..."
"Mm, yeah...? Is sothing wrong?"
"No... I want you to hold ..."
"*yawn*~ Okay."
When I woke up at night, it's true that I wanted him to hold . But I didn't necessarily have to wake Yeonho up.
However, seeing him listen to all my words and requests, staying only by my side.
The way he followed around like a puppy and indulged my whims.
It felt so good. It made so happy.
"I want to eat strawberries."
"Yeah? Should I go buy so?"
"No. Stay here with ."
"Don't go?"
"But I want strawberries..."
"Wait a bit. I'll summon so strawberries."
I wasn't usually so moody that I'd make such unreasonable demands, but I did act unreasonably.
In the end, oppa was the one who suffered, so I felt a bit sorry towards him.
"When you go to orientation, you'll drink with other girls and stuff, right...?"
"I'm not going. Your due date is around that ti, so there's no way I'd go."
"Like... girls calling you oppa while pouring you drinks... and you enjoying drinking that..."
"They're the sa age as , why would they call oppa."
"Then you might end up lying down next to each other when drunk, getting close, and... *hiccup*..."
"I said I'm not going! Calm down!"
"Waaah..."
"Heena, I'm right here! I'm not going anywhere! I'll stay by your side!"
But this anxiety was genuine. Yeonho is too handso, kind, and gentle.
He'll surely be popular among the girls in his year. In places where my eyes can't reach, with girls I don't know, with the cute type of girl he likes.
Imagining him smiling brightly at them like he does to made my heart feel like it was being torn apart. Even when he was working at the cafe, I got upset just seeing him smile at custors.
I was already anxious about the first sester he would spend alone without .
I wanted to lock him up at ho, college be damned.
Besides that.
"Nooo!! Don't gooo!!"
"Let's just take a quick walk~ It'll only take about 30 minutes to go around the neighborhood?"
"I'm going too!!"
"Oh geez... I'm sorry, son-in-law."
"It's alright. Heena, co here. I'll hold you."
"You won't leave behind...?"
"Where would I go? Co on, I'll hold you."
"Okay..."
I absolutely couldn't tolerate being separated from him.
He could do anything else, but leaving behind was absolutely not allowed.
He has to stay by my side.
A husband can't leave his wife behind.
The pager Yeonho got for this reason was truly a token of love itself. No matter what he was doing, whenever I pressed it, he would fly to my side.
Thank you. For always putting up with my tantrums.
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Raei Translations
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After months of relying on Yeonho's gentleness and acting spoiled like that, I was admitted to the hospital early as the due date approached.
The constant contractions were a bit tough, but it wasn't to the point where I needed to be hospitalized so early. Still, they were doing it out of concern for , so I followed without complaint.
Of course, Yeonho ca with and took care of at the hospital too.
A few days later.
As I had sensed, the contractions started in the early morning. Crying and screaming from pain incomparable to anything before, I called for Yeonho.
"*sob*... Ye-Yeonho... Are you there?"
"Yeah, I'm right here. I'm holding your hand tightly, see?"
"Stay, stay with ..."
"I'm not going anywhere. Never."
"Ugh...!!"
I heard his voice in my ear. That was enough. The pain didn't lessen, but as long as Yeonho was by my side, I could endure it.
His strong grip crushing my hand, as if he was anxious too.
"Later, let's revisit all the places we went on dates with Sarang. The three of us together."
"Or we could take Heeseong hyung and Yoonjung noona too, since they're pitiful."
"Sotis it seems like they want to see Sarang even more than we do. Right?"
"Going on another hot spring trip would be nice too. But I wonder if it'd be too hot for Sarang?"
"I'll be by your side. I'll stay by your side forever."
"Just a little more, just hang in there a little longer, Heena."
"I love you."
With his gentle voice whispering in my ear.
With his words looking towards our future as three.
Even though it hurt like hell.
I could still bear it.
This level of pain was nothing. Though I was screaming from the pain, it wasn't sothing I couldn't endure if Yeonho was there with .
I had experienced even greater physical pain, and emotional pain too.
Finally.
"Waah!!"
When I started to hear the baby's cry.
Though my body was in terrible shape, I wanted to see Yeonho's face more than anyone else's.
"Our... Sarang, she ca out well...?"
"Yeah... They say she's very healthy. How about you? Are you in pain anywhere?"
"I'm okay... *sob*, Sarang... I want to see our Sarang..."
And after confirming once again that Yeonho was beside , I asked for our baby.
"She's so, so beautiful... *hiccup*... Sarang, you're so beautiful... She looks just like you, Yeonho..."
"She looks more like you than ."
"*sob*... No way..."
"I'm telling you she does."
Our baby, Sarang, who the nurse showed , was truly angelic. I could tell at a glance that she was mine and Yeonho's child.
Though she was wrinkly and tiny, I could still see the resemblance to Yeonho.
And when Sarang was placed on my belly, feeling the warmth and heartbeat through my stomach.
Tears flowed, I was moved, and I could once again deeply realize that this was the baby I had given birth to.
Even though I was disoriented and extrely dizzy from crying and screaming so much, I clearly recognized one thing.
We were now no longer two, but.
A family of three.
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Raei Translations
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I was sorry to everyone for my selfish anxiety, stubbornness, and irresponsible actions that I couldn't have imagined before.
To our families who have to support us, to Sarang who ca to us too early because of her foolish mother. To Yeonho, who has to take this troubleso woman with him for life.
It feels like I've only been causing you trouble lately, instead of taking care of you.
But I'll try my best from now on.
As your wife, as Sarang's mother.
I'll really do my very best.
I'm sorry.
And thank you.
I'll love you until I die.
Please stay by my side.
I love you, Yeonho.
And welco, Sarang.
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