Chapter 19: Nothing Special
After all that, English class went on rather uneventfully. The only thing different from normal was that Dennis was even more unenthusiastic than before. In gym class, Rae began teaching us the basics of most of the wooden weapons, then got us to train by using them.
From there, she would walk around and correct anyone's posture that was incorrect. Rae was giving us advice and pressing certain parts of our body to force the muscle into the correct position.
It turns out she was surprisingly knowledgeable about this kind of stuff.
And in a flash, class was finished. As I was walking out of the gym, Raisa appeared next to .
"Hey! Now you'll be visiting my manor, right?"
I gave a casual nod.
"I guess so. I'll just inform my butler."
Nathan flashed a smirk, while he was holding his chin with a hand in the position of a finger gun. I bet he thought he looked so slick.
Upon reaching the entrance of the school, I did exactly what I had said, informing the butler that I would be going to Raisa's manor. With that, I walked over to her carriage. Yet, before I could make it all the way there, soone grabbed onto my arm.
"What are you doing? The carriage is over here."
I looked over my shoulder to see Jess. She was gripping my arm rather tightly, cutting off the blood flow. It honestly made a little bit nervous.
"I was invited to soone else's manor, so I accepted their invitation."
Jess tilted her head to the side and glared at . I distinctly felt chills down my spine. Damn, did she think I was going to cause trouble just like Jas?
I an, that's not the most far-fetched thought considering Bryson was kind of an asshole, but still, it kinda hurts to be judged like that!
Though, right as I was searching for a way out of this scenario, Jess gradually let go of my arm. Even her expression returned to her neutral frown.
"Be ho by night."
I scratched the side of my head and nodded.
"Alright."
From there, Raisa grabbed onto my arm and dragged along.
"Co on! Let's go already!"
She brought into her own carriage, which was actually a bit larger than ours. Though, considering that it was only and her sitting down right now, it seed she normally used it by herself.
That ant it was normally just way too spacious, but I didn't harp on that fact.
Raisa smiled at and clapped a few tis.
"I'm quite excited! In truth, I believed that you were planning on declining my invitation altogether, but I'm pleasantly surprised that was not the case."
I couldn't help but feel the imdiate contrast between the atmosphere while in my own carriage and the one here. Raisa tilted her head to the side and shyly looked at .
"Do you mind if I sit next to you?"
I blinked a few tis. We were currently sitting on opposite ends, but it still wasn't that far away because while the room inside the carriage was big, it was still only a room inside a carriage. The request was kinda weird, but I decided not to reject it.
"...If you really want to, but not too close."
With that, Raisa excitedly got off and sat next to . Thankfully, she did respect my personal space and didn't get too close. From there, she still had her smile but began whispering to .
"I wanted to talk more about what you had said earlier."
I raised an eyebrow and turned to her, feeling the sudden change of tone in her voice.
"What exactly are you talking about?"
She took a deep breath with one hand on her heart. It looked like it took a lot of courage for her to say her next words.
"That we can't trust those in our own kingdom."
I leaned back in my seat, contemplating it for a few monts. That was sothing I implied I guess, but I feel like it's taking it too far to jump to conclusions like that.
Or is that just sothing that nobles do?
I closed my eyes and tried to recall the na Raisa from the ga. Having played all the routes multiple tis, I was able to recall lists of nas one after another, slowly filtering through them. However, nothing ca up.
I guess she wasn't all that important of a character to the story.
Now the question was, should I even tell her in the first place? If she gets unnecessarily involved in the story, it could screw our predictions even further than they've already been ssed up.
While I was pondering over it, Raisa tilted her head to the side with a small pout. She seed to be a little upset.
"Is it sothing you can't tell ?"
I tapped my chin a few tis before turning to her.
"It's nothing like that. I'm more so wondering whether or not it is even worth it to tell you in the first place."
Raisa blinked several tis, recoiling back slightly. She took a few minutes to process what I was saying before letting out a chuckle.
"You were rather blunt about that."
I shrugged my shoulders.
"I see no reason to lie about it."
Raisa clicked her tongue and crossed her arms.
"At least you could sugarcoat it."
I scratched the side of my head before supporting my head with my fist. She watched curiously, as though my actions were sohow worth looking at. I then responded flatly.
"I guess I could've. But I don't really like it when people sugarcoat things."
Raisa continued to look at , all the while hardly blinking. On top of that, her body was hardly moving. Honestly, it was kinda creeping out a little, making think that maybe she suddenly turned into a doll. If it wasn't for the fact I could just barely make out the fact that she was breathing, I would've pushed her away.
Eventually, she muttered in a sad voice.
"But that's what nobles do best..."
It appeared that Raisa was recalling so mories that made her sad. I wouldn't know what those were, but I'm sure she needed a bit of ti to shake it off. It took her a minute or so, but she was able to break out of her stupor.
She looked at like I was an enigma when I was really just a person being blunt.
"How... can you be like this?"
My eyelid twitched. I had a feeling I understood what she was talking about, but still couldn't be sure.
"You really need to be more specific if you are asking questions."
Instead of responding, she gingerly picked up my arm by the wrist, bringing my hand closer to her face. She flipped it to look at my open palm and ever so gently pushed away my fingers with her other hand.
She mumbled under her breath, probably not wanting to hear.
"You aren't an alien..."
Raisa then spoke to gently but did it all the while staring at my hand.
"How are you able to act like that? When nobles are all expected to be so formal and rigid. Are you not afraid of looking barbaric or unrefined?"
I felt cold sweat on my back.
The reason why I wasn't acting like a noble wasn't that I wasn't afraid of those things, but rather because I literally had no idea how to! But... I can't say that!
While my mind was in chaos, Raisa continued.
"There are so many rumors about you, that they've reached everyone's ears already. All of them are so wrong, but you don't even try to dispel them. Before anyone has even seen you, they look at you as though you are a piece of trash even though you haven't done anything."
The corner of my lip twitched.
A piece of trash? My reputation is that bad?
...Gah. This girl looks like she's going through puberty or sothing, but to enter the school in the first place you have to be eighteen. Isn't she a little too old for this?
Ah, whatever.
I tapped on her shoulder, prompting her to look up at . While looking directly into her eyes, I decided to give her words of encouragent.
"The reason I can act like this despite the way that people look at and all of the rumors is simply that I don't care about how other people view ."
Raisa looked confused. I cleared my throat and raised a finger, trying not to lose her.
"I don't view my own character by what others think of . After all, at the end of the day, you will be the one that understands yourself the best. That doesn't an you understand yourself perfectly or anything, and others can sotis see things about yourself that you don't."
I shrugged my shoulders.
"But at the end of the day, the best person to make that kind of judgnt is you."
Raisa smiled bitterly and looked back down at my palm. Her grip tightened ever so slightly, but it was more so her tensing her muscles rather than holding on to tighter.
"You make it sound so easy. I've heard to just ignore it, but it still hurts, you know?"
I chuckled and tapped my forehead.
"Yeah, it isn't all that easy to ignore. But that's where you have to learn to be proud of yourself."
Raisa frowned like she was disgusted.
"I don't like nobles that are too proud of themselves."
I waved my hand dismissively.
"This is different. Just because you are proud of yourself doesn't an you have to flaunt it. Your pride isn't for others to see, but for you."
Then, I put a fist over my heart.
"I know what I've been through. I know what I've overco. And I am proud of that. No matter what happens, nothing will change what happened and I am here right now with my head up. Perhaps in the future, my mories of it will disappear, or I will no longer be able to hold my head up high, but I know that it is true now."
Raisa furrowed her brows.
"But... I don't have any big achievents."
I raised an eyebrow.
"That's because you are defining achievents by what other people see them as. Maybe at the ti, I thought what I'd been through was special, or sohow worse than others. But I understand that there are many others that have been through the sa things that I have, or even worse."
My face gradually relaxed as I talked. Though I couldn't see my eyes, I could tell they were beginning to dull.
"For others, it might've been incredibly easy. They may not think that it's anything big. Even if they were to fully understand, there are so that may wonder what the difficult part even was."
The corner of my lip turned up slightly.
"But it was hard for . And at the end of the day, I know that. Sure, I may have not gone about it in the most beautiful way, but what I do know is that I'm still here, breathing and awake."
Raisa shivered when she looked at . My expression must've been a little scary.
"...I-It seems like you truly went through sothing terrifying."
I shook my head.
"No, it's nothing special."
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