"..." I fly restlessly on my flying sword, Shizune is silent the whole ti, she barely moves her body even though she’s being carried by , I wish I could hear her calling Yeom, apologizing or even speaking sothing annoyed.
But she just remains in total silence as if she’s in mourning for having lost sothing important, this makes question if she would be like this if I died.
Honestly, I wanted to kill Shizune, after defeating the leader of the orthodox sect, my plan was to kill Shizune, I was full of anger and hatred for Shizune and her betrayal, but when I found her I couldn’t.
I just watched her indecisively, I wanted to hurt her, kill her for being with another, but I love her too much for that and I couldn’t kill her even though I wanted to, I gave up.
Even now, I don’t feel like I can really hurt her, I want to hurt her, but I can’t, any punishnt seems too much to give her, I think in the end I’m softening and I’ll only be able to lock her in the room as if she were a spoiled child.
Seeing her sad over another person annoys , but even so there’s nothing I can do, I don’t control her feelings and I don’t want to, I think I was too insecure.
I should have revealed to everyone that I love her, but I feared that she would beco a too big target, since that way she would be my most obvious weakness, I never told anyone how much I love her to avoid problems.
I also prevented her from increasing her cultivation so that sects like the orthodox sect would never have her as a target, since they have stupid rules about not hurting ordinary people and so I know they would never do anything to her.
"..." The silence is unpleasant, she barely reacts and if I didn’t know she was alive I would think I’m carrying a corpse on my back.
I just accelerate to get to the sect soon, lingering here won’t do any good because I know she won’t be talking to .
"Hey, Shizune..." I try to talk to her as we fly through the mountains super fast, now I’m calming down more and having ti to think without letting anger dictate my decisions.
"..." Shizune remains silent.
"I won’t do anything to your friend" I say what I think she would like to hear, this makes her move a little, it seems that was weighing on her mind.
I know I’m being soft here by just leaving it like this, but I really can’t stand seeing her so sad, I feel like her sadness affects too, as if we share the feeling.
"Really?" She just asks doubtfully, it hurts , does she think I’m so kind of monster who would do harm to her just because? She did sothing wrong and I threatened her, but if the mont cos I don’t know if I would have the courage to do it.
"Yes, I won’t ss with your ’dead friend’" I can even be jealous, but I won’t ss with soone who’s no longer here to try to take Shizune away from .
Also, Shizune herself killed her, so there must be reasons for that, and I won’t try to find out and maintain her privacy.
"You...aren’t angry?" Shizune asks cautiously, as if anything wrong and I would kill her, this really hurts much more than Shizune imagines.
’...Why does she seem to be so afraid of ...’ This is unpleasant, I love her so why is she afraid of ? Am I really that scary?
"I’m angry, very angry, but I don’t want to hurt you" I choked her, but only because I lost control, I don’t want to hurt the only person I love, it’s just that I feel these impulses generated by jealousy.
Everything involving Shizune always leaves annoyingly emotional and I can barely control myself if they ss with her.
"...So why did you threaten ?" She questions as if that would make rethink what I said, but there’s not much for to think about.
"It’s because I love you, and if I didn’t threaten you I felt like I would do sothing irreparably stupid" I tell her the most honest answer I can.
"...Could you please stop and let’s talk about sothing?" Shizune speaks, seeming to feel a little better, I decide to give her a chance to hear what she has to say, I stop in a clearing in the forest, the rain is reducing a bit so there shouldn’t be any problems.
I also feel calr than at the beginning now that we’ve had so ti flying and I could rethink everything that happened, I should have been clearer in our relationship.
"..." As soon as I land on the ground, I put her on the ground, she gets up and looks at seriously.
"Yeom...can you promise to listen to the end? Regardless of the anger you feel, listen to everything without interruption" Shizune speaks without much hope, as if she thinks I won’t keep this simple promise.
"Yes, I promise to listen to you until the end" I agree with her, I’m able to listen to sothing without doing anything regardless of what it is.
"Yeom, I really don’t love you..." As she starts, I already see that it will be terrible, I feel like my heart broke just with this beginning, and I also feel like I want to kill her for not loving even after all this.
I took care of her, gave her love, gave her status and protected her from everything with my utmost, so why doesn’t she love even after all this? I feel like I can very well make her disappear here and now, but I decide with great willpower to listen to what she has to say.
"..." She was silent for a mont as if she had expected to do sothing, but I don’t do anything, keeping our promise.
"But even if I don’t love you, I can learn, if you promise to be patient, be less jealous and try to understand my side, just as you have feelings, I do too" She starts talking.
"All I ask is for a normal love, I can promise to be only with you, but I want you to trust , I want you to believe in and really have confidence in the love I try to offer" She speaks seriously and with an honest tone.
"We can start by telling everyone that we’ll be together, we can really make this work, but we both have to trust each other, I’ll entrust my life to you, so I want you to give a vote of confidence"
"Can you do that? Can you try to wait until I love you as much as you love , can you patiently teach to love you not with coercion or violence as before, but with trust"
"If you can’t even do that, then you can kill here, because know that I’ll never be able to truly love soone who puts my life at risk, soone I can’t even trust if tomorrow you won’t kill "
Shizune closes her eyes as if expecting her death, I remain silent looking at her and processing the request.
Nothing guarantees that it’s true, nothing guarantees that she won’t break her promises, because spoken promises are not really reliable and she didn’t even promise by the heavens that she would do it.
But, I love her too much not to accept a request that seems so sincere, if she wants to improve so that she can have confidence in , I can try.
I can try anything she wants if she also tries to improve, tries to be what I want her to be naturally, if she is faithful to I think I can deal with the jealousy.
"Okay, I’ll try to change if you decide to be only with ...I an, I’ll change for the better if we really have a relationship" I say, changing the sentence not to sound like I’ll keep her away from everyone.
Shizune sighs, she could make promise by the heavens, but she doesn’t, as if it were a proof of her newly discovered trust in , even if it’s little.
She cos to and hugs , without a kiss, without intrusive touch, just a simple hug.
"I’ll tell you in a week if you’re doing a good job" Shizune murmurs only that as she steps away from , she doesn’t say anything else, but she seems a little calr.
I hold her and get on the sword, starting to fly again, I just realized what a difficult promise I made, it ans stop isolating her from others, no more threats or hurting her.
It ans always living in uncertainty about whether or not she’s betraying , but I’m willing to give her this chance, I’ll show Shizune that I can change, I’ve lived this way for a long ti and it can be difficult.
But if it’s for her, I can change everything that’s bad in , I decide to change direction, no longer going to the sect, but going to a small secret village that is under my command.
"Shizune, just promise you won’t betray , I couldn’t hold back if you did that"
"I promise, just don’t doubt everything I do, if you want I can even talk about how my day was"
"No need, your word is all I need, you can try to rest, we’ll go to a secret village that’s under my care" I start trying to be honest, telling her where we’re going.
There’s no reason to hide the truth from her, because I know well what she ant by her request and promise.
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