I had a restless sleep that night, my weary soul struggling in a grey-toned dream until the morning sun shone through the window onto my face, waking up exhausted.
I sat on the bed for a long ti, suddenly rembering that I no longer needed to go to the office. So, I lay back down, not wanting to get up, nor willing to fall asleep again.
It was almost noon when I finally left the bed. After a simple wash, I imdiately opened the 58 City website and posted a house rental ad. My plan was to sublet this room, pay back the money I owed to Mi Cai, and then leave Suzhou.
After posting the rental ad, I went to a snack shop downstairs and had a bowl of noodle soup for breakfast and lunch. Then, life fell into a dull routine.
I sat in the closed room for a long ti, unable to bear it any longer, I took my guitar and left the cage-like room. I ca to the city moat again, wanting to sing a few songs to the blue sky, white clouds, and clear water to comfort my tired soul, and then quietly wait for dusk.
I sang one song after another, sotis feeling sad, sotis elated. Finally, I put the guitar aside, lay on the lawn, and once again stared blankly at the sky where the white clouds drifted by under the slanting sunlight.
I naively thought that the city in the sky would be hidden behind the white clouds. So, I gazed and waited, but until the sunlight beca soft and the wind of dusk blew, I did not see that crystal-clear city. I felt even more lost, this loss contained the heaviness of reality and the disillusionnt of fantasy, so it was pain upon pain!
After a long ti, I sat up from the lawn, lit a cigarette out of habit, and sat quietly in the dusk, not waiting for dawn, because in this city, I would no longer have a dawn.
The wind beca colder with the setting sun, which sobered up and inevitably reminded of everything that had happened in this city. All these things were like a sharp blade, leaving countless deep and shallow wounds on my body, and I could only watch helplessly as these wounds bled... Now the blood was almost drained, in order to survive, I had to flee this city and return to a city where there was no love, but there was family. Perhaps with the warmth of family, those wounds would slowly heal.
My phone, which had been quiet all day, finally rang again. I knew it was Le Yao calling because we had agreed to go to Arlin Restaurant for bamboo chicken tonight.
After answering the call, Le Yao said with a sigh of relief, "I've finished filming for today, Zhao Yang, where shall we et?"
"Let's just et at Arlin Restaurant."
Le Yao thought for a mont and said, "I'll go to your place, and then we'll go together."
"Why bother? Just go directly. Besides, I don't live in the sa place anymore."
Le Yao sounded surprised, "When did you move out?"
"Just these few days." After a mont of silence, I finally gritted my teeth and said to Le Yao, "There's sothing I need to tell you... I quit my job yesterday, and I'll be going back to Xuzhou in a few days."
Le Yao was stunned for a mont, then asked excitedly, "Why did you quit? Last ti you said there was a chance for promotion!"
I apologized to Le Yao, "It's my personal issue, we'll talk about it when we et."
Le Yao's mood obviously dropped, and after a long silence, she said, "Alright, then let's et directly at Arlin Restaurant."
I responded, then hung up the phone with Le Yao. I looked at the river surface covered by shadows, picked up my guitar case, and walked towards the river bank.
...
When I arrived at Arlin Restaurant by taxi, Le Yao had already arrived and was waiting for at the entrance.
The autumn wind at night was blowing "whoosh" along the street. Le Yao's hands were tucked into her jacket pockets, and her white scarf fluttered in the wind, making her look even more frail. This powerless frailty made feel a great sense of guilt.
I walked up to Le Yao, she looked at with a complex expression. I knew she was resentful about my sudden resignation. I clearly rembered that the last ti we t, we had agreed to strive to be masters of life together, but I seed to be regressing, becoming a slave to life...
I didn't want the atmosphere to be too depressing, so I forced a smile and said, "Let's go, let's eat."
"Can I say I'm already full of anger?" Le Yao said to with a straight face.
Le Yao's words made feel depressed, but I still smiled, pulling her into the restaurant and saying, "Even if you're angry, don't disgrace your foodie reputation! Besides, would you like to see gloat while eating alone? That's not a good deal for you... So don't punish yourself for my mistakes, okay?"
By the ti I finished speaking, I had already dragged Le Yao into the restaurant, but her mood was still low. I took the nu from the waiter and started ordering with a bit of frustration.
A mont later, the dishes were served. I poured myself a glass of white wine, but Le Yao didn't accompany to drink so white wine as we had agreed before. She only asked for a cup of hot water, not even wanting any kind of juice.
I drained the not-so-large glass of wine in one gulp, smacking my lips and comnting on the strong taste of the wine, but Le Yao remained silent, which made even more anxious.
I picked a piece of chicken from the bamboo tube and put it into Le Yao's bowl, smiling, "Try it, see if the chef's skills have improved."
"I told you I'm full of anger!" Le Yao angrily picked up the chicken from her bowl and threw it into mine.
"Well, you can't just drink plain water, if you drink too much, your pretty little face will definitely be swollen when you wake up tomorrow, which will affect your performance."
Le Yao ignored my joke, looked at seriously and asked, "Tell , why did you quit?"I poured myself another glass of liquor, downing it in one gulp, feeling the high-proof alcohol churning in my stomach. After a long mont of helplessness, I said to Le Yao, "Life is full of choices. This is a cruel choice for . I don't want to make it, but I have to. Don't dig too deep into it. Even after resigning, I won't have it easy..." I put on a smile and continued, "I'm about to leave Suzhou soon, and we'll have fewer chances to et. So let's not make the atmosphere so heavy. Let's eat and drink happily, okay?"
Le Yao looked at , her expression gradually softening. She said helplessly, "Zhao Yang, you remind of a song by Shao Yi Bei, 'Mr. Denial'."
"Who is Shao Yi Bei?"
"Don't pretend. Last ti we went to the Shenzhen Music Festival with Robben and listened to her concert. Have you forgotten so soon?"
I grinned and said, "I just love to pretend!"
"Jerk!" Le Yao couldn't help but laugh and scold . She then took back the piece of chicken from my bowl that I had originally given her and started eating.
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