The old grandma with a wooden bucket strapped on her shoulders stood worriedly while looking at her. There were a bunch of umbrellas inside the old grandma’s bucket, clear that she had been selling it for the rainy days since it would be useful. She had also pulled a large bag, using it to sell the boxed food.
At first, Ailin didn’t reacted. She felt trapped in a body, as if she was looking from inside a theater what her body was experiencing. All she could do was stare at the grandmother who seed so worried after studying her face.
But what’s wrong? The way the grandma look at her feel as if she was looking at how there was blood on her face.
Without a single word, AiLin felt the grandma’s tug of a hand as she brought her to the nearest bus station. The grandma seated her and AiLin didn’t refuse it, knowing that the woman didn’t an any ill will.
"You must be hungry?" The grandma asked and she shook her head. "Thirsty? Even if you’re not hungry you should eat a little. It’s cold so eating would keep your temperature warm," the grandma opened the plastic box, placing a chopstick in her hand, brushing gently on the top of her palms.
AiLin didn’t move her chopsticks but looked at the grandma while doing so, the grandma helped her take a bite out of a food and spoke, "Where is that young man? Are you in a fight with him?"
Curious, even though her body can’t move she finally could speak after a bite of the food in her mouth, "Which young man?"
"That one, aiya, so you two don’t know each other? I thought you do. We have t before haven’t we young miss?" The grandma started, rubbing her back.
AiLin nodded to hear her say with her fragile voice, "I knew sothing was off when I looked at you from afar, ah I don’t an that you look violent, it’s just that you seem lonely.."
"Lonely?"
Her? But how could there ever be a ti for her to ever feel lonely?
The grandmother must have mistaken this. After all, she wasn’t a lonely person, she was only focused on her revenge that she never thought of herself as a lonely person.
"Loneliness is a frightening illness," said the grandma thoughtfully. "There was once a friend of mine back in my village. I don’t think people would understand what I an when I say loneliness is deadly, but it is the truth. She was once a bright girl but after losing everyone close to her, she beca extrely lonely and the brightness she had disappeared. She always looked as if she was hoping that one day she won’t wake up, that maybe sothing could stop moving inside her and seeing that I- I was defeated. I had hope I was more capable to nurse her back then but I wasn’t and I regret it ever since."
AiLin could see the sadness in the elderly woman’s eyes, knowing that she really felt guilty for not being able to be on her friend’s side back then.
She couldn’t help but answer, "It’s not your fault." and the grandma broke into a smile though her eyes were filled with imnse sadness.
"I hope that is the case," the grandma muttered, "I hope she forgives but then years after she had ca to find a man whom she loves dearly. They were amazing to each other, kind and gentle, that’s her husband and with his help, she was able to get back on her feet until.. he left."
AiLin blinked, her heart that had been gloomy turned queasy. All of a sudden, she thought of Li ZiChen and a sudden dread filled her even worse than the fear of dying or leaving the world.
"She then," the grandma hung her words. It didn’t need to be completed for the listener to know the demise waiting at the end of the story.
"Why did he leave?"
"No, he didn’t leave, but she thought he left," answered the grandma, "It was a grandiose misunderstanding. His parents didn’t agree in their relationship and even though they fit like a puzzle, there are things that they couldn’t control in that relationship. Then all of a sudden the family held a sudden marriage between him and soone from a wealthier village. By the ti she ca, she saw him dressed in red and thought he abandoned her."
AiLin’s eyes shook. She could imagine being in the position of the woman and suddenly the ground beneath her felt as if it had caved in. The horrifying idea that she would be watching Li ZiChen smiling with a beautiful, better, young girl than her seed to have struck a nerve, perhaps the fear she had haunting her but had never seen properly.
"A tragedy," said the grandma, "I was there but I wasn’t there to comfort her. But young lady, I believe that you coming here was for to say this story to you."
Her heart trembled from the grandma’s words. She realized now what had made her suddenly bolted out of the night club.
She had seen Li ZiChen with i Hua before, she wasn’t soone who would hide her abortion either as it was sothing she was unwilling to do, sothing that she had no power to control back then.
But why was she so fearful when Li ZiChen heard about it from i Hua?
Because, deep down she doesn’t want her flaw cause his hatred toward her. No, not hatred. Li ZiChen is too kind. He would be understanding, he would try to help her and love her, but she didn’t want to have his love which was born out of guilt.
It wasn’t that she want to hide her past, after all he knew how she had killed a person as well.
But it’s because she wished he didn’t have to know, so that he wouldn’t be disappointed and leave her.
"So... I am lonely," muttered AiLin in a realization.
No, she wasn’t only scared of seeing his disgust, she feared that he would be leaving her side, to decide that she wasn’t good enough for him and leave her... all alone, again, alone.
She didn’t want to be alone, not after all the warmth he had shared to her.
"Aiya," the grandma sighed, patting her back as if she was truly feeling AiLin’s pain in her own heart. "Let remind you of this, there are many, many, many people out there who appreciates your presence, young miss. They love your smile, they love your presence, and maybe there is soone out there whose life’s purpose is you. World is small, dear, that’s why everything bad that happens to you feel like the end of the world, but it’s not. Our eyes could only see a part of the real world. There is a young man who had asked to offer you an umbrella the first ti we t, I know you don’t know about it, but at least I think you have to know that there are people out there who wouldn’t want to see your back rest with sadness."
AiLin felt wetness across her cheeks, she couldn’t stop it, her throat dry and it stung but she couldn’t do anything about the sadness in her heart. The words that the grandma said seed to have comforted her, to assure her.
Noticing a key word from the grandma’s words, her eyes flickered, "The young man you ntion."
"Yes! I thought you knew him and had fought that’s why you look this sad, but I guess it’s wrong which is odd as he seem to be very familiar with you. He even told that the umbrella is more necessary than his presence."
Blinking, those words sohow struck a chord, "How does he look like? Do you rember it?"
If her suspicions are correct... that man is..
"Unfortunately I couldn’t see his face. It’s a sha but oh!" The grandma clapped her hand when she recalled sothing important, "His hand! On the left side, there’s a snake tattoo. I rember seeing it because he kept rubbing his wrists and when I asked him if he needed a dicine because how painful it look for him, he said he didn’t need it. He said that when it rains, he would often feel an itch in an old wound. He looks a bit scary honestly, but he didn’t feel like he was a bad person or had any bad intention against you."
Snake tattoo... an itch in an old wound.
Suddenly a sharp pain stung her head. AiLin leaned forward, frowning as she endured the pain that struck her.
Crescent shaped wounds on Li ZiChen’s hands that he had hid with the tattoo, the slashed old wounds.
Why does it feel so important?
What was she missing from her mories?
Was this the reason why Li ZiChen is always beside her?
But why couldn’t she rember it? Dr i told her that bad mories are the ones she had subconsciously hid.
In flashes of her stinging headache, fractures mories flashed before her eyes. She rembered once how soone had pushed her- yes the day when she conceived her baby- she rembered the hands that had pushed her down- those strong hands pinning her down and his tears that fell on her cheeks.
She also rembered how she had held on the wrist, tightly clawing the man deep enough until it scarred.
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