A/N: two Chapters incoming after an hour to celebrate 100th Chapter!
**
After a few turns aimless night drive, AiLin’s eyes were finally shut tight. The moonlight of Beijing’s night was brighter than ever. As if rejoicing for AiLin who had satisfied herself by hurting the person who had hurt her, the night of Beijing was filled with brighter sparkles than usual.
But Li ZiChen who had been watching her asleep while driving the car around the bridge over and over again only hoped that the star and moon wouldn’t shine too brightly as it would disturb AiLin’s deep slumber.
She was peacefully unaware how Li ZiChen could have gotten ho earlier; but he didn’t as he wanted to make sure that she could get her rest as her eyes seed exhausted despite her bright expression the entire night. Though he doubted that Ailin noticed this. Throughout the night, she was filled with a rush of adrenaline without knowing that sowhere along the line, her tal health was reaching a boiling point. This conclusion was sothing Li ZiChen had learned after visiting the psychiatrist a few days on her behalf.
Upon hearing a small groan from her, Li ZiChen then slowly stopped the car, making sure that she wasn’t awake in the entire process. After grabbing a black soft blanket from the back seat, he covered her in it and swooped her effortlessly into his laps. He hugged her as he had seen how her body shivering and how her eyelashes were trembling. Even in her sleep, she never allowed herself to cry and that was more painful for him who had to watch this from the sideline.
All he could do was to ease the physical coldness she was suffering right now.
Thus he covered her in his arms, making sure that the warmth of his body could be radiated over her own, wishing that she didn’t have to be cold alone.
He began to drive again, though this ti slower while hugging her chilled body on his hips. She seed comfortable as deep down she wanted the warmth of other person’s body heat, but she couldn’t trust the people around her enough to want their warmth. He doubted that she trusted him enough either but that was fine, that wasn’t such a big problem. He would make her know from now on that he was soone she could trust deeply, soone who she could backstab and he wouldn’t do the sa in return.
He would be there to make her know that even if the world is against her, he would never be in another place opposite to her.
It was tough especially since he had to tear down the walls that she had built against him forcefully. He would sotis test her, placing his hand on her to see until how long would she endure his touch until she couldn’t. When she saw her frown, he would pull away, knowing when he should pull back and falter when she shows her discomfort. But when her eyes seed unbothered by his touch, he lingered his finger on long enough for him to count the timings. He does it patiently, knowing that he shouldn’t push her more than her comfort zone as what he wanted to do was to heal her, not breaking her into pieces when she’s already gluing herself as best as she could.
On his arms, AiLin felt so small, and that reminded what the psychiatrist had told him early that morning during the early therapy session. After reading through her docunt, the older woman spoke sternly, ’Though she might not seem volatile, from the docunts of her previous psychoanalysis, it seems that Miss Hua AiLin tend to act a certain way that would harm herself.’
He narrowed his eyes. Deep anger resounded in his chest like a roar.
He asked the question back to the doctor, ’Is that her way of self sabotaging herself?’
’We think of it as self sabotaging indeed but I don’t think Miss Hua had done it on purpose,’ the psychiatrist explained in greater detail, ’From what I can see, she simply think that she isn’t important enough for to be prioritized. Let’s say that she has a goal of running to a single red door, she would simply rush to it without minding that she would be running in barefoot that will cause her feet to be scratched or wounded. This is volatile. Sooner or later, she wouldn’t be able to control herself and be blinded.’
But that wasn’t the extent of his worry. As soon after that, he was faced with another shocking question from the doctor who seed more serious than before, questioning him with a solemn stature, "I also have another question Mr Li. For the past few days that you have been staying with Miss Hua, have she shown you any sign of ever wanting to..." the woman sighed as he clenched his hands together while waiting for the words that were dreading to slip from her mouth. "To give up?" She chose the softest words as she could see this was affecting him as well. That he cares deeply for AiLin and that the thought of having to face this question was simply terrible.
"No," Li ZiChen answered as the snake tattoo on his hand seed to be glimring its eyes while staring at him. The tattoo was the reminder of his sin and it always seed to be mocking him whenever he lowered his guard. More than a monto, the tattoo was a warning to himself, to warn that he should never let his guard down but almost no one knew about the tattoo’s purpose other than him. He then turned to the doctor again, "Was this ever ntioned with her previous psychiatrist?"
"Yes," answered the doctor as she pressed her eyeglasses to her nose, "Three tis. That’s the extend of her action."
Li ZiChen cracked his jaw. He didn’t even want to know what had happened and what went through her mind as she made the drastic decision. But he knew that AiLin must have made that choice because she was cornered. No one would ever willingly give up their life, especially not AiLin who always live her life so vicariously. She was never soone who would lose hope even in her darkest ti, she always tried her best to et a better point of view in her life even in tis when people would have given up.
But that girl who had always been holding on to a very thin thread of will to live her life was forced to an edge where her only choice was to— damn it. Fuck. He didn’t even want to think about it. It tore his heart like a paper machine to think that she would be so hopeless— so hopeless and so edged, pushed to the brink.
He closed his eyes, hoping he was there. It would have been better if he had killed soone and entered the prison for her sake or take over her place by taking all the allegations and confessing guilty on her sake. The only few things he could do back then was to send her a letter to which he wasn’t sure if it had helped her at all or if she had actually received them.
Anger filled his heart as he thought about it again, how these people and even if AiLin wouldn’t want to kill them, he would make sure they’re buried six feet under. He’ll make sure to gather them around, all of them, their families, their siblings, and even their pets. He will make sure that they die knowing that no one would ever miss them and how no one would ever cry for them— and make sure that their deepest fear had been achieved.
But while he plan for all of those, he had sothing even greater to take care which is AiLin herself.
As today the psychiatrist had ominously reminded him, "While it is possible that she wouldn’t make such drastic asures again and attempt, we have to keep a close eye on her. Make sure that she is answered in all her ntal needs. I fear that once soone lost their goal especially like Miss AiLin herself who seed to be living with only one sole purpose, they would choose to take the worse option again."
If this revenge ends.
Perhaps what AiLin had been waiting was also to end herself.
It was sothing he wished he didn’t even have to entertain in his mind but it was sothing that he could feel looming above them as he could see AiLin pulling another attempt when she realized that there was nothing else she could do in the world. But he would make it work. He will make sure to fill her with nothing but love to the point that she would have enough of it, that she would only live bathed in love and sleep covered in tender caresses. Enough to make her throw away all thoughts of giving up.
He would make sure of it.
Li ZiChen hugged her closer, placing a slow kiss on her forehead and he smiled when he looked at her lips, thinking about the kiss they shared that made his feet to shake a little in happiness. If only he could kiss her more and she does it so willingly, he would die happily tonight, he thought to himself.
As the night goes on, Li ZiChen simply drove for another fours hours until he walked out of the car and settled her back into her bed. He stayed for a while, staring at her sleeping stature in silence and left only when her alarm was about to ring.
anwhile AiLin woke up, feeling a sudden sense of loss as there was no longer warmth in her hand that she had felt tightly wrapping her to sleep before.
She rubbed her eyes while staring at her own hands, "Why is it so warm?"
Reviews
All reviews (0)