Shu Hui’s gaze traversed layers of ti, becoming dim. "Your dad was one of the first from his village to go out and work, at that ti in Xu Pingzhang’s building materials factory. He did well there and was eager to learn, gradually becoming a minor leader. His inco was quite good, so he brought other villagers out, including your dad’s younger brother, your uncle. At that ti, the city was changing rapidly, with a huge demand for building materials. Xu Pingzhang’s company was making a lot of money, and the living standards for everyone kept improving. That’s when I t your dad. He was passionate, loyal, and ambitious. Although he wasn’t highly educated, he was a fast learner and treated well. A year later, I married him, and then..."
A glimr of hidden pain flashed in Shu Hui’s eyes. "Then you ca along, and when you were four, a big incident happened. Your uncle was the first to be diagnosed with dust disease. After that, those who had followed your dad from the village were diagnosed one after another..."
Dust disease...
How could it be dust disease again...
The experiences in Dust Lung Village reappeared for Tu Hengsha, and those gray and despairing faces flickered through her mind like slides.
"All those people followed your dad out. He was always loyal and stood up as the village representative to demand Xu Pingzhang take responsibility. But Xu Pingzhang and Shang Qingi were no pushovers, they tried by all ans to evade responsibility. Your dad, although ambitious, was from the countryside and didn’t understand business tricks. He was honest and straightforward, and Xu Pingzhang, appreciating him, considered him a close friend, overlooking many details. Later, they found problems with labor contracts, delaying arbitration. But the illness couldn’t wait. Though life had improved over the years, everyone had spent their money building hos back in the village. To treat the illness, those savings were just a drop in the bucket. Your dad felt guilty that he brought them out and dealt with the company, thinking those folks were deceived by him. He felt remorseful, using his own money for treatnt. It started with your uncle, then for everyone else, while continuing to entangle with Xu Pingzhang’s company. Xu Pingzhang and Shang Qingi either shirked responsibility or delayed, secretly finding ways to escape the situation. How could your dad’s money be enough for so many people’s treatnt? It ran out quickly. Your dad wanted to sell the house. I disagreed, and we argued, but eventually, the house was sold, and the money sent back. But what was the use? The one in the worst condition soon died, with others critically ill, nearing death’s door. When the bad news ca, your dad was furious. I learned later that he went to confront that couple with a knife. He originally ant to threaten them, but words escalated into a quarrel. Shang Qingi was always sharp-tongued, and your dad, who had a fiery temper, was enraged, drawing the knife, and in the scuffle with Xu Pingzhang, accidentally stabbed him fatally..."
The story ended, and the air felt stagnant as Tu Hengsha took a long ti to digest those words. Xu Pingzhang, Shang Qingi, father, those three terms rotated in her mind. She sat in a daze, as if trapped in an endless cycle from childhood, with her mind blocked, repeatedly asking, "Mom, do you say, are they good people or bad guys? Are they... good people or bad guys?"
"Little Sha..." Shu Hui held her daughter in her arms. "Whether they are good or bad, Mom knows there’s a balance in your heart. Over the years, the Xu Family hated your dad. I too certainly hated the people of the Xu Family, but haven’t I also hated your dad? Such impulsiveness, solving problems in such a foolish way. In the end, not only was the problem unresolved, but he also got himself involved, making us suffer so much hardship, especially you, living such days at such a young age..."
Hate?
What was hate?
What was the use of hate?
Who should she hate?
Tu Hengsha felt only emptiness in her mind, her whole body numb from the outside in, her heart numb too. In an instant, there seed to be no sensation of either love or hate...
She nestled in Shu Hui’s embrace, closed her eyes, and softly said, "I don’t want to see him anymore... I don’t want to feel ashad before him." Not wanting to constantly remind him she was the daughter of his father’s killer...
Shu Hui stroked her hair, "Mom has said, always put yourself first, do what makes you happy. You don’t need to aggrieve yourself for anyone. If you don’t want to see him, then don’t. If one day you do want to see him, Mom won’t oppose it."
"No more, never again..." She moved her lips silently.
The early autumn wind, blowing for a long ti, was sowhat cool. Shu Hui touched her face. "I have another class later. Let take you ho to rest first."
"No need, I’ll go back myself." She didn’t want to go to the newspaper office, at least, not just yet.
But how could Shu Hui feel assured? She still sent her ho and comforted her before going to class.
Shu Hui ca back at noon. When she returned, the door was closed. She opened it, called "Little Sha," but no one responded. She went to Tu Hengsha’s room and saw it was also empty. She panicked, searched every corner, but didn’t find any trace of her daughter until finally, she found a note on the dining table that read: Mom, I want to go out for a couple of days. Don’t worry about . I’m okay.
"This child!" Shu Hui sighed with the note in hand. How could she not worry?
Tu Hengsha didn’t know where she wanted to go, instinctively wanting to hide, to avoid everyone in the world.
She sent Chen Qi a ssage asking for leave, then turned off her phone, wandered aimlessly on the streets without knowing how long she’d walked until she stepped on sothing sharp, piercingly painful, realizing her legs were already weary and aching.
Unable to remove her shoes to check her soles, guessing it was a blister, she stood looking around and saw the train station not far away.
With a sudden thought, she wanted to see her old ho, that place always existing in the dialogues between her and her mom.
Since she’d been sending money back every month, she had the detailed address.
She imdiately bought a ticket for the nearest train, arrived at the closest county to her old ho by evening, checked the map and asked the locals, there was over a hundred kiloters from the county to the village.
She wasn’t in a hurry, stayed overnight in the county, and left on a shuttle bus the next morning.
The image of Jin County’s Dust Lung Village was deeply etched in her mind, full of sorrow, utterly hopeless. She thought her old ho was the sa, but when she got off the bus, walked to the village, she saw the crops growing vigorously, rows of small buildings, though not new, were tidy and quite orderly. The occasional n and won she t were full of vitality.
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