Su Mu had been silent for a long ti, so long that Fu Shinian slowly turned around from the window to look at her, to see her expression of shock and disbelief. Fu Shinian wasn’t smiling. He just took a step forward, crouched in front of her, and gazed intently at her, allowing her to see his eyes and expression, then he repeated what he had just said:
"If I could do all these, would you still insist on divorcing?"
When Su Mu’s hand was gently covered by his, she instinctively wanted to pull back as if burnt but was firmly grasped by Fu Shinian:
"Answer ."
Like every other ti before, he confined himself to his small domain, waiting for an answer. Su Mu wanted to escape, more than ever, but the result was the sa as always—she couldn’t escape.
"Let go first."
Fu Shinian laughed softly as he looked at her: "Not running away?"
Seen through by him, Su Mu felt sowhat angrily embarrassed, yet she nodded in agreent: "I won’t run."
Fu Shinian smiled faintly, released her, and stood up. He watched Su Mu almost imdiately rise from the wicker chair and quickly walk to the position in front of the French window and couldn’t help laughing:
"Are you that afraid of ?"
"It’s not fear." Su Mu said, still not daring to look at him: "I just can’t believe it."
"Can’t believe I would say these things?"
It seed Su Mu gathered a great deal of courage before she finally turned to et Fu Shinian’s gaze:
"Yes, I can’t believe it. You’re not that kind of person."
"What kind of person am I in your eyes? Authoritative, unable to discern right from wrong, never repentant despite knowing my faults, and rely acting according to my feelings?" He stepped closer to her: "Su Mu, if you think that, then you still don’t understand . Living with for two years, yet you don’t know what kind of person I am. Can you say that you have no regrets about this marriage?"
Su Mu shook her head, her mind so confused she couldn’t say a word. Fu Shinian’s utterly transformative remarks had disrupted all her rhythms. It felt as if soone she thought she knew very well was standing in front of her, yet she couldn’t recall his na.
Fu Shinian didn’t want to divorce, Su Mu could understand that. After all, there were reasons concerning Grandmother, but even so, he didn’t have to say such words to her.
Su Mu looked at Fu Shinian:
"Why? Why would you say what you just did, why change? Why not divorce? I understand you want to maintain this marriage for Grandmother’s sake and emotional well-being, but don’t you feel that such compromises are deaning?"
"Compromises?" Fu Shinian looked at her puzzledly: "You think what I said just now was all for Grandmother? Not divorcing, just because I’m afraid Grandmother would worry?"
"What else then? Are there any other reasons? Because of compromises, there inevitably are grievances, and with grievances, no amount of compromise is anything but forbearance. Regardless, an outbreak between us is inevitable, and we can’t forever maintain what we thought was stable," Su Mu was slightly frantic: "Fu Shinian, I know Grandmother is very important to you, but you are equally important to her. If you discuss the divorce properly with her, she will understand."
Even if Fu Shinian could endure, Su Mu felt she could no longer suffer.
Fu Shinian was silent for a few seconds, and only when Su Mu looked up at him, did he slowly begin to speak:
"Apart from the excuse of grandma, have you ever considered other possibilities?"
"Other possibilities?" Su Mu chuckled dismissively, "Could it be that you like , so you don’t want to divorce?"
"Why couldn’t it be?"
Su Mu was utterly stunned.
If the words that Fu Shinian said before made Su Mu feel alienated, then at this mont, those few seemingly light words felt like a depth charge in her heart. She even forgot to dodge, just staring at Fu Shinian on the instinctive strength until he approached, until he raised his hand to gently stroke her face, until Su Mu realized sothing, but by then, he had quickly pressed her against the floor-to-ceiling window.
He looked at her, his gaze intense:
"How could you have so little confidence in yourself? Two years have passed, yet you still think it’s impossible for to like you?"
Su Mu wanted to push him away, but his strength was imnse, like an impenetrable wall. Annoyed, she glared at him, but he simply hooked his lips into a smile and, in the next second, leaned down to kiss her.
At that mont, it seed as if the whole world had quieted; the frequency of the twinkling starry lights overhead matched the rhythm of Su Mu’s heartbeat.
Even though they had done things more intimate than kissing, even though it was just a peck without any lust, Su Mu felt her heart pounding louder than ever, even to the point of stiffness beyond comprehension.
When Fu Shinian’s lips left hers, Su Mu ca to her senses and slowly lowered her head. Fu Shinian smiled faintly, gently enveloping her in his arms. Hearing his heartbeat, Su Mu finally felt sowhat balanced — after all, she wasn’t the only one with a racing heart.
"Su Mu," he whispered, "I think, I do like you."
Because he liked her, he couldn’t accept that her heart harbored another person. Because he liked her, he wanted a child belonging to just the two of them. Because he liked her, he got angry and fud. Because he liked her, he wouldn’t divorce her.
Su Mu stood rigidly in Fu Shinian’s embrace. She felt like she was trekking through the vast desert at that mont, her physical and willpower having reached their limits, looking up at the sky where the sun seed to mock her declaration of surrender; then the next second, you see an oasis.
Fu Shinian’s words were undoubtedly that oasis. Su Mu should have felt happy, but she couldn’t ignore that the entire desert was also his doing.
She regained her composure, cald herself, and stepped out of Fu Shinian’s embrace. She looked at him for a few seconds, then averted her gaze, turning to look out at the dark night outside, wrapping her arms around herself tightly.
Fu Shinian thought she was cold and was about to ask her to go back inside when she suddenly spoke:
"How do you think I should respond to your affection? Accept it? Have you ever considered any possibility other than acceptance?"
Fu Shinian slightly furrowed his brows.
Su Mu didn’t turn back to look at him, but his reflection and all his expressions were clearly mirrored in the windowpane. Su Mu smiled faintly. True, for soone of Fu Shinian’s status to like soone, many would deem it a coveted affair. Who could really resist such a confession?
This affection, sothing Su Mu had longed for many years, from the mont she fell for him, she wondered if there would be a day when the person she loved would love her back.
After 7 years, the person she liked finally reciprocated her feelings. She had lived to see this day.
But she was already completely exhausted, both ntally and physically.
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