I was restless.
There were only six days left until the big day.
Miho had been training harder each day but Shin drove her harder. They were now training with mock knives and even through the protective gears Miho was getting bruised left and right. As invincible as she looked in the previous week, I realized that throwing weapons to the equation changed the whole ga. Even a slight mistake or a lucky scratch from the opponent could be fatal. When the real fight begins, those bruises will not be blue and purple but will be gaping wounds gushing out blood.
Together with her ’return’ to the killer’s ruthlessness ca growing rejections from her mind and body. No matter what she - and Shin - said, she wasn’t ready for this.
I needed to talk.
It was around midnight just ticking over to October 5th that I sneaked out of Miho’s room to head to the living room to confront Shin. Perhaps I couldn’t convince him to cancel the job. Even I knew that would be a naive hope that just can’t happen. But to , it was clear that, if we wanted to keep Miho alive, the job would have to be postponed.
As I approached the living room where I knew Shin would be enjoying his night ti reading, I heard him talking to soone on the phone. I knew better than to cross him by eaves dropping, but the words I heard made stop, lean against the wall, hold my breath, and listen in.
"Don’t worry about it. Tiger will be read on ti."
"Yeah, it’s a bit touch and go, but when was the last ti that Tiger couldn’t get the job done?"
"I know it’s a tough one and yes, there are so risks - but these are calculated risks."
"No, I wouldn’t want to lose Tiger either. It’s been our biggest asset for years. But when you want to win big, you have to bet the big chips. There’s no way around it."
The little n in my veins were no longer little n, but they were raging beasts trying to claw their way out through my skin. My hands trembled and balled up into a fist so tight that my nails dug into my palm.
Biggest asset.
That told everything I needed to know.
And as angry as I was, my heart broke for Miho.
This was the man that she trusted her life with. The man that she considered as her family. The man that she thought looked after her when everyone else in her life either died or abandoned her.
And to him, she was an ’asset’.
I wished it was a misunderstanding, but there was no mistaking it.
I thought about the ti I spent with Shin too. Little conversations here and there, the dry humor, understated banter, threats, cold harsh words, rare hints of fatherly love he showed - was all that nothing but lies?
Maybe it wasn’t.
I do believe - not just because I wanted to - there was a genuine sense of ’family’ between us. After all, we were all in this together. Supposedly.
The betrayal I felt wasn’t only on behalf of Miho, but for as well. As much as I was threatened to be in this situation, I also firmly believed that Shin, after all, had the best interest of Miho and Juho in his mind.
Perhaps it was just the way they speak in this ’business’. Maybe I was reading too much into it. I tried to rationalize.
But between seeing Miho crumble in recent days ntally and emotionally, and hearing Shin’s cold-hearted business words spoken over to so stranger on the other end of the phone - my fear and doubts solidified into sothing more tangible.
I had to do the unthinkable for the sake of Miho.
I took a deep breath before approaching the living room any further and Shin noticed - as expected of soone as sharp as him.
"Is that you, Ms. Han?"
I didn’t bother to wipe my tears as I turned the corner to enter the living room. Perhaps it would have a better dramatic effect that way anyway.
"Old man... I can’t sleep."
"Well, I can see that."
"I haven’t been able to sleep for a while now. And you see..."
I wiped my tears and clasped my hands in front of my chest.
"Well, you see... I can’t take this anymore. I’m a ss."
"Well, I can see that."
"I know we only got a few days left but... could you please bring to Dr. Yang?"
Shin raised an eyebrow, his eyes asking ’Are you serious?’, yet fortunately there was no sign of suspicion.
"I need so dication. I don’t think I can function anymore like this. And also... who knows what might happen on the day. Maybe we have no opportunity to go see Dr. Yang for a while and Miho could end up running out of her dication."
The old man looked into my eyes. Piercing.
"We are NOT going to fail. Not under any circumstances. I would call it off if I felt there was any significant risk to our operation."
But that’s not how you sounded just now.
"Please... I may have only a small role in this... but I too need to get MY work done, right? And I’ve been watching Miho. She’s been having breakdowns. EVERYDAY. She may be getting physically ready but I’m really starting to have doubts whether she can handle all this in her head."
"Ms. Han. You don’t understand. This is who she is. This is just Miho, whether you like it or not. If anything, she might fully get back to being her TRUE self with this job."
"True self? She’s hurting, old man."
"It’s not ti to get sentintal, and it’s not ti to be weak."
"I’m telling you. Either I or Miho - if not both of us - will not be in a functional state unless we get so help VERY soon. What if I ss up my part of the plan on the big day? What if Miho has a breakdown before or even DURING the operation?"
That made Shin narrow his eyes - made him think.
"But taking any calming dication could dull her senses. We can’t have that."
"Or she could lapse back into catatonia, which will also ruin everything."
The old man closed his eyes, his hands on his hips, let out a big sighs and finally approved.
"Fine. I’ll take you tomorrow. But Miho’s got to stay here. We can’t risk ANYTHING happening to her before the job."
Because she’s your biggest asset.
"Thank you."
I swiftly turned around and went back to our room, and when I found Miho sobbing in her sleep I was convinced that I was making the right choice.
The next morning, Shin drove to Dr. Yang’s clinic. He said he will wait in the car as he’s always done, but warned to not get into any ’silly accident like falling down the stairs and beco useless before the big job’.
I waited nervously in the waiting room for about fifteen minutes and took a deep breath after knocking on the door of Dr. Yang’s Room 5.
"Co in, please."
I opened the door, quickly entered, and closed the door behind .
"How are you feeling today, Ms. Han?"
I said nothing and sat on the chair across her desk.
This was my final chance.
The final chance to do sothing or not do sothing.
The choice I make here will have an irreversible consequence.
I was choosing between going through the gamble of a lifeti or seeking the path of certain peace, albeit at an unbearably great cost.
"Dr. Yang."
"Yes, Ms. Han?"
"I believe Detective Choi has been in contact with you."
The kind doctor took off her glasses, wiped them with a cloth on her desk, and put the glasses back on.
"Indeed."
"And I understand you could deliver a ssage to him for . Confidentially."
"Only with your consent, of course. However, you can tell anything you’d like today but I won’t say a word to him unless you tell that’s what you want to tell Detective Choi."
I took a deep breath. My lungs felt inflated with thick, heavy air.
I asked myself the question one last ti.
Gamble on the success or take the sacrifice and save Miho?
"Dr. Yang."
She said nothing and just slid a piece of paper across the table for , together with a pen.
"If it is difficult to say, you may write it here and fold it. I will not open it. I will simply let him pick up the note at the ti you specify."
I appreciated the offer as I made my final decision.
I leaned forward to the desk, picked up the pen, and started to write on the little piece of white paper.
"October 10th. Friday night. Club Volta."
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