(The early part of this chapter is from the perspective of Caral Snail, temporarily switching to first-person)
I am always pondering.
When I was young, before I earned the na 'Jiaozi Niu,' I was already thinking about one thing.
Why am I always expected to achieve great things but can never accomplish anything?
The elders would always boast about , praise , think of as a genius. They would pray to nonexistent deities for blessings, hoping I would study hard, change my class, and fulfill their dreams.
To this end, they would give their all, offering all their love, all their nourishnt.
Sotis it was a box of almond dew, sotis a pen, sotis a set of "One Hundred Thousand Whys," and even ga consoles and tablets.
Back then, I didn't know that this sort of privileged treatnt was called 'hope.'
I once thought this kind of privilege, like that of a crown prince, would continue forever.
But when I attended an unremarkable school and beca an unremarkable person, I no longer enjoyed these privileges.
The reason is simple: I crushed their expectations, and those childhood candies and nutritious treats ultimately beca wasted investnts.
Perhaps it was from then that I beca afraid to respond to anyone's passionate expectations. I hid my personality, actively avoided others' attention, ceased interacting with people, and imrsed myself in my own world.
Sports beca a good way to relieve stress. I chose armored combat from traditional martial arts; only when adrenaline surged during the clash of swords and armor, when sweat and shouts flooded my sensory nerves like molten lava coursing through my veins and spreading through my limbs and bones—could I feel at ease.
Originally, everything should have ended there.
Live, wield the sword, live, wield the sword.
Wield the sword in reality, wield the sword in the ga.
Facing powerful opponents, fighting repeatedly, losing, losing, losing, losing, winning, losing, winning, winning, losing—until winning beca the main the, trampling everyone underfoot.
One day, I suddenly found those past privileges returned to .
By the ti I snapped out of it, I had already beco the national runner-up.
Love and being loved require credentials.
Those relatives and partners who once distanced themselves now gathered around again, either seeking my help or hoping to borrow my strength.
I reckon no one can stay rational amidst such cheers.
Everyone is equal, so gaining recognition from others is a difficult task. It must be because you did sothing aningful to many people that they would praise, appreciate, and love you.
From that mont, I gradually lost myself as well.
I forgot who supported all the way to my present status, forgot the one who treated consistently regardless of my circumstances, I simply wanted to win, wanted more praise and admiration.
Until one day, the tower collapsed.
I watched as Ziluo Star was ravaged by the descending artillery fire, players frolicking under Li Aozi's guidance began an industrialized massacre.
… I realized I was rely an executioner.
No matter how much ti passes, I can never forget those who were kind and sincere to but died because of .
They welcod warmly, and I responded to them with annihilation.
This betrayal, repaying kindness with enmity, is the nightmare of my life.
I began to question my actions, question the righteousness of the ga, even question my own existence.
Nonetheless, I still couldn't abandon the ga because I couldn't forsake my yearning for fa.
I thirsted for vanity.
Professional players surrounded , I donned the national flag to compete in events, audiences showered with rewards and cheers.
Yet amidst all the cheers, I still heard from those supportive fans a faint and piercing voice:
'Tsk, still couldn't win the championship.'
No matter how it is, the privilege returned.
I received love and gradually understood the aning of loving others.
When I felt I could finally let go of everything, Fate hit with a heavy blow.
She died.
I watched helplessly as she was crushed, shattered, annihilated by descending darkness, even her real-life existence wasn't spared.
From that mont, I suddenly realized: I had never escaped the shadows of the past.
Now, they have returned.
I loathe Secret, and loathe my powerless self even more.
In every stage of my life, I was valued by others.
Xia Yubing always stood by my side, yet I couldn't respond to her feelings for .
Li Aozi valued , he was the first to give equipnt and Arcane Energy, yet I repaid him with betrayal.
The fans supported in competitions, but I fell in front of Long Yuqiong.
Cumin Powder, we trekked together from Azure Star across the Cosmic, crossed star seas and wars, but I couldn't even hear her confession.
True General also trusted so much, yet I couldn't even complete the basic task.
Every ti, every ti, every ti every ti every ti every ti every ti every ti every ti!
Why do you all trust so much every ti?!
History has countless tis told I can't achieve anything!
Does soone as incompetent as have any aning in continuing to exist?
As I thought this, a cold breath slowly wafted in the air.
'You are aningless; it's better to offer your re existence to the Void; at least you can erase your embarrassing history.'
… Yes.
I can't find any reason to oppose.
Without the system, I'm utterly powerless, I'm only a burden to others; actually, I've always been like this, I absolutely can't et others' expectations.
Everyone has been so gentle, everyone has treated well, the entire world is so beautiful, why does everyone bless, praise, and help like this.
I am entirely undeserving of all of this.
Perhaps sensing the intense emotions surging within , the cold breath extended its hand to , gently pulling , the earth cracked, bursting into psychedelic brilliance.
And I, being led by it, walked towards the distant end.
A large hand extended from 'The Gate,' the will of Void whispered to in my ear:
'It is the executioner of the Void, it will judge your past words, deeds, and history, listen to your confession, and decide your ultimate fate.'
Executioner, huh? That's quite okay.
I am no longer qualified to live as a human.
Those who loved have been disappointed by repeatedly, and those I love no longer exist in this world.
Let be completely erased from here, leaving not a single trace of failure.
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