"So, let's start with a normal introduction," Otae says, narrowing her eyes with a smile. "I'll go first. My na is Tae Shimura; I'm 18 years old. My family runs a historic dojo, and I have a 16-year-old brother. I usually enjoy cooking, especially dishes involving eggs. My ideal partner should have a stable job, and it would be nice if they had assets of about 10 billion yen or so. Regarding looks, soone too handso might not be good because they could attract other won, so average is fine, but they must be honest! Their eyes should only see ! And also…"
As Otae chatter about her ideal partner's criteria, Kawaki's face twitches uncontrollably.
[This woman...is sothing else...] Kawaki thinks with a full head of black lines, [Who gave her this confidence? How can she say such things with that expression? A woman so self-centered should be thankful to get married at all! Those conditions? Please, stop already!]
"...Now it's Kawaki's turn."
"Hehe... well, Miss Otae probably knows my conditions," Kawaki says, awkwardly pulling at the corner of his mouth, "They are far from Miss Otae's, so I think wasting our ti is unnecessary. Let's just..."
"Yes, indeed, Miss Otae!" Kondo's voice suddenly cos from under the table, "There's no need to waste ti dating such a man! He's just a useless ga otaku! By the way, Miss Otae, except for not having ten billion in assets, the rest of what you described fits ! Am I that important in your heart?!"
Looking at Kondo, who pops his head from under the table, wearing a black suit, and talks to himself, everyone falls silent.
"Having a pet should count for sothing, right, Kouka?" Umibouzu suggests to Kouka, "Girls who keep pets are usually very loving; I think this girl should be observed."
"Papi, that's just a gorilla stalker-aru," Kagura corrects without expression, "Just a stalker who looks no different from a gorilla."
"Get lost, you stalker gorilla!" Otae suddenly stands up and stomps fiercely on Kondo's face.
"Miss Otae, it's not like that!" Kondo hastily defends.
"You ruined my performance!"
Saying so, Otae grabs the now bruised and swollen Kondo and throws him out the window, followed by the sound of shattering glass as Kondo flies onto the main road outside.
But that's not the end of it. Otae jumps out after him and punches Kondo with her fists.
"While it's not as good as your uppercut, I think so dostic violence is necessary," Umibouzu speaks again, "A family without so form of dostic violence isn't a normal family, Kouka; I think this girl is suitable."
[Are you kidding ?!] Kawaki curses in his mind, then slams the red button on the table.
"Next contestant, please co in," Kagura calls out to the door.
…
Watching Kyubei sit across from him in a pink yukata, her hair tied in twin tails, and wearing a pink eye patch, Kawaki's eyes twitch again.
"This girl looks pretty good, too," Umibouzu self-assuredly comnts.
"Uh, my young master is in your judges' hands..." Holding a cara, Tojo secretly stuffs sothing into Kagura and Umibouzu's hands, "My young master's conditions are quite favorable, and even a few minor flaws can be completely overlooked. I'm also concerned that the female lead for this work hasn't been settled yet. I've never seen a woman more suitable to be the female lead than my young master."
"Cough, cough!" Umibouzu discreetly pockets the money Tojo handed over, "We are very fair. Don't think giving us this kind of thing will score you extra points; it's useless. But speaking of which, this girl has the looks and conditions to be a female lead."
"Yes, Mommy, Kyu-chan is a very nice girl-aru," Kagura adds while pocketing the money forced on her by Tojo with a matter-of-fact expression, "Also, Mommy, you might not know, but little uncle had so stories with a woman called 'Kyu' before-aru."
[Enough with you guys, damn it! What is this? Can you bribe judges now?!] Kawaki thinks frantically, [What are you guys even here for?!]
"Um... Kawaki-dono," Kyubei finally speaks after a long silence, "Can the matchmaking begin now?"
"Yes, it's over, goodbye." Saying that Kawaki presses the red button in front of him without hesitation.
"How... how can this be!" Kyubei exclaims in shock, "I... haven't even said anything yet!"
"Ah, no need to say anything," Kawaki replies with narrowed eyes and an expressionless face, "Rather, I knew what you would say just by sitting here, so there's no need to force yourself. Besides, bribing judges is not allowed, even if you have the substance and are allowed to advance. If it's dug up by the dia later, it would beco trouble. Considering it could affect the company's reputation and your personal developnt, it's better just to eliminate you now."
"I see!" Kyubei nods in understanding, "I didn't expect Kawaki-dono to be so thoughtful, indeed, letting advance under these circumstances; if it were dug up by the dia later, it would beco trouble."
"It's good you understand..." Kawaki replies expressionlessly, "Well, pick up your souvenir at the door, and please leave quickly."
"I understand," Kyubei nods, "But before leaving, there's sothing else I want to know about the woman nad 'Kyu' that Kagura ntioned, to be honest..."
"Hey, were you hired by those gossip readers?"
…
After the fourth contestant enters, Kawaki can no longer contain himself and stands up to yell loudly.
"Hey! Enough is enough!" Kawaki points at Gedoumaru and Kuzunoha, holding a quilt across from him, "Why are these guys even participating in a matchmaking session?! I don't understand! These two aren't even human! And why are they a pair?! What do you take for?!"
"Kawaki-sama, I'm ready anyti!" Gedoumaru shouts excitedly, "I've recently cramd up on this and that about humans! Don't be shy! Even here is fine!"
"My body is ready anyti, Kawaki-sama! Please don't be shy! Just like the crazy things you used to do to Kyu-sama!" Kuzunoha's nostrils puff out two excited streams of air.
"Get lost!!"
"What's going on with these two? Kagura-chan?" Umibouzu asks Kagura, who is beside Kouka.
"Ah, they are shinigami, like demons and such-aru," Kagura explains, "The woman nad 'Kyu' ntioned before seems to be a thousand-year-old demon who beca a deity in Takamagahara because of so incidents with little uncle-are."
"Kawaki-sama! It's alright even here! Co on!" Gedoumaru suddenly spreads the quilt.
"Threeso is no problem at all! I can accept it! Hurry up!" Kuzunoha, who is already lying in the quilt, shouts excitedly.
"Shut it!!" Shouting, Kawaki rolls up the two shikigami in the quilt and throws them out the window.
They turn into shooting stars and disappear.
…
Watching the person across the table digging his nose with his little finger and dressed in won's clothes, Kawaki's face turns utterly black.
"Nice to et you; my na is Pa..."
"Nice to et you!" Kawaki imdiately presses Gintoki's head onto the table, breaking a whole section, and roars with glaring eyes: "Why are even n dressing up as won to participate in matchmaking?!"
"If it weren't for the ¥10,000 subsidy for participating in this matchmaking, do you think I would attend this disgusting otaku matchmaking session?!" Gintoki raises his head, grumbling angrily.
"Hey, what's going on?" Kawaki asks Kagura, "What does the subsidy an? Why do they get a subsidy for matchmaking with ?"
"After all, little uncle is a useless 30-year-old who only plays gas and doesn't have a job, a classic hobody. Without a subsidy, finding a woman willing to matchmake with you would be tough-aru," Kagura casually explains.
"Hey, why do you make sound so terrible? It doesn't sound cool at all! It sounds completely useless! I'm the protagonist!"
"I wish little uncle you had so self-awareness-aru..."
…
Looking at Katsura across from him, dressed in won's clothes and his chest puffed up, Kawaki is genuinely on the verge of a complete breakdown.
"Please pick up the sword with once more..."
Before Katsura can finish, Kawaki roars and kicks him out the window.
"Before that, you should pick up your sword! Soone who throws away the sword between their legs has no right to say such things!!"
…
"Hey, is that enough? Aren't you even changing costus this ti?" Kawaki holds his forehead, utterly despondent, "Give a break, you people..."
"Um, boss," sitting across from Kawaki, dressed in the Shinsengumi uniform, Sogo raises his hand, "I'm not here to participate in that boring matchmaking session; I just wanted to ask if Kondo-san has been here."
Kawaki: …
…
"Long ti no see~."
Seeing Saigon before him, Kawaki silently turns and starts vomiting after two seconds.
"Nice to et you, I am Mademoiselle Saigou. As you can see, I'm a single mother and also a woman who keeps her love for Kawaki hidden in her heart…"
Before Saigou can finish, Kawaki wipes his mouth and unhesitatingly presses the red button on the table.
"What a heartless man..." Saigou covers his face, ready to cry, "To press that ruthless button before soone finishes speaking, it really gets excited!"
"Why are you getting excited?! Disgusting! Get lost!!" Saying this, Kawaki delivers an uppercut, sending Saigou crashing into the ceiling.
"I think this could work..." Watching Saigou hang from the ceiling, Umibouzu nods, "A single mother with a child, and this level of dostic violence, seems unexpectedly suitable."
"Hey, baldy, do you want to die?" Kawaki coldly asks.
Half an hour later, the entire restaurant's ceiling is filled with hanging mbers from a transvestite club.
…
"Kawaki-sama, long ti no see."
Looking at the person sitting across from him, Kawaki is unexpectedly moved, lifting his head to choke back tears.
"I don't know why, but after going through those people, seeing Tama moved ."
"Kagura-chan, this isn't a human, right?" Umibouzu asks Kagura.
"Ah, it's a robot-aru," Kagura nods, "But it seems to have a super friendship with little uncle-aru. Gintoki also said that Tama is a woman's little uncle kept on the side-aru."
"Tama, please, talk with more; just hold on until today ends," Kawaki pleads, "I can't take it anymore... sob..."
"Kawaki-sama, please cheer up," Tama consoles, "I ca to cheer for Kawaki-sama."
"That doesn't matter anymore," Kawaki murmurs despondently, "Just sit here until it gets dark; let this day end; I... don't want to participate in this kind of matchmaking anymore..."
"Kawaki-chan, don't think about dragging this out; Sister has already said it; I'll keep an eye on you," Kouka's light words co.
"Ah! God! Save !" Kawaki cries out to the heavens in despair.
…
After a whole day of matchmaking, Kawaki is utterly exhausted.
"Is it enough now, Sister?" Kawaki, lying despondently on the table, speaks to Kouka, "Indeed, these things can't be forced; it's the age of free love now."
Looking at the remaining stack of data sheets in her hand, Kouka glances out at the dimly lit street outside, finally nods lightly, and stands up.
"Let's end it for today. Kagura, inform the remaining girls to line up here at 8 p.m. tomorrow."
"Are we continuing?!" Kawaki is entirely not okay, "Hey, spare , I can't do it; why must it be matchmaking? I don't need that; at year's end, everyone else is busy, and participating in this kind of activity is also troubling for others..."
Kawaki rambles on, but Kouka doesn't listen to a word; a hand pinching a kiseru, she turns and heads towards the door.
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