Chapter 126
Hills To Climb, Mountains To Conquer
It was a first, Sylas realized--they were cold. In fact, even hiding in a makeshift cave, as close to the fire as they could get without getting burnt... the chill still lingered. Though it made sense for him since, in the end, he simply had greater resistance to cold, it was far stranger for Agnes to feel the cold. And yet... she did.
She was clutching her knees abreast and rubbing her palms and seemingly dreaming of jumping into the flas. It was clear its been a long ti since she last experienced cold--if she ever did. Sylas dealt with it slightly better, especially since they left the cutting, bone-burning winds and hid from the elents, but she was yet to fully recover.
Sylas took a swing and looked at her; it seed that the shock was colder than the winter itself. He, similarly, was quite surprised; though true that theyd never experienced weather this cold, it was shocking that her superpowers effectively stopped working. No, they were still working--if they werent, she would have died of hypothermia hours ago. But they were weakened, that was for certain.
I think you should head back, he said suddenly, causing her to look up.
W-w-what? Why? she stuttered a question.
If it gets any worse, youll die.
You will too.
Maybe, he said. But Im willing to live with that. he cracked a smile.
N-no, Im coming.
... look at yourself, he said. You can barely move your toes. Though its clear that the weather gets worse in patterns, even at its best... its enough to immobilize you. Theres no point in you suffering like this. If I cant do it as well, well just have to look for another way.
Sylas, Im not leaving, she replied sternly, glaring at him. Stop pushing .
Oh, no, what will you do? Will you punch until youre warm? he asked with a grin.
Its an option, she grinned back. How co you arent cold, anyway?
Oh, I am.
Then how are you so calm?!
Oh, lets see, Sylas said, taking another swig. This one ti, while defending the castle, an exploding ghoul sent flying over the castle wall and into the forest. I landed awkwardly and snapped my spine, but was otherwise in an okay condition. Anyway, I spent a whole night there, eventually dying of... sothing. Cold, if I had to take a guess. Then, this other ti, I got lost in the woods while half-drunk, and eventually got so cold I thought I was burning, stripped wholly naked, and died, butt-exposed, in the snow. And this other ti--
I get it, I get it, she interrupted. You... you really are a freak.
Well, see, that just hurts, he chuckled. Im just numb to pain at this point. You aint, though. So, why the hell are you trying to be?
...
See? Its just pointless bravado.
Its you, she said, looking at him angrily.
Huh?
Its because of you.
... what?
If I want to follow you, she said. I... I know I have to change.
You--
"I know I'm a stupid, naive girl who is too old to believe the things she does," she said. "I know I'm weak, I know I'm vain, I know that the only reason you're even sticking with is that I'm the only one who can rember. I know all of those things."
...
So... I... I want to change, she added, pushing her knees further into her chest. However much and however little. Change so that I can stay by your side and watch over you. Make sure you dont lose yourself.
... wow, you really are stupid, Sylas laughed.
Hey!!
Do you really think so little of ? he asked. No, of course you do. Why wouldnt you? I think even less of myself.
What... what are you talking about?
Youre not weak, Agnes, he said. Youre not particularly strong either, but you are distinctly not weak. And I told you already, didnt I? I dont mind that hopelessly positive outlook you have on the world. If anything... its inspiring. I like the way you see things a million tis more than the way I do. What youre doing now is stupid, but youre not.
Words are hollow, she persisted. And I hate yours.
...
Youre doing the sa thing you always do, she added. You shelter . Treat like a child. Do you think that makes feel good? Warm?
...
I just want you to see as an equal.
And I do--
"No you don't!" she exclaid, her voice cracking slightly. "You... you don't see anyone as equal, Sylas. You see yourself as beneath all of us. And so... you think that the best way to protect us is to sacrifice yourself. Over and over again. Otherwise, you would have done the smart thing--sent out people from the castle who had experience making their way through rough, wind-boiling mountains. But you didn't. You didn't even think about sending others. You didnt think about using anyone, ever since that day. The only reason you let stay attached... is that I rember. And even then, despite knowing things would reset, you always keep at bay. Away. Just outside of danger.
Ah, yes, this is truly outside of danger, Sylas scoffed.
It is, she said. I never felt cold in my life, Sylas. I never felt hot either. I never felt pained. I never felt anything in particular until I started following you around. You think a life sheltered by the will of gods is a fun one? You look at pain and see horror because of what it had done to you, she added quickly before he could reply. I look at pain... and I see everything that I missed, Sylas. All that growth that wouldnt have made seem like a child to you. And yet... when I try to grow, you wont let .
"You're tall enough already if you ask ."
Dont. Just... dont.
"... you're right. I don't get it," he said, taking another swig. "And you're right... I would trade everything to have lived your life, Agnes. If soone who's very experienced in pain tells you that it's best if you just walk away, why are you butting your head forward as though you know better? This is why I call you a kid. Because only kids are like that. Their parents tell them 'no, don't drink booze and do other bad stuff; I did it and it was awful' and they say 'well, you made your mistakes, and now I have to make the very sa mistakes too'. That's why people never truly learn from history. We just keep making the sa mistakes we've made since the dawn of civilization. Nobody listens and everyone thinks themselves cleverer than those who ca before."
...
Theres this romance of pain everyones obsessed with, Sylas persisted. My first heartbreak was beautiful, the day my parents died gutted but helped grow as a person, I had to suffer to learn... its... its moronic. Theres absolutely no beauty in pain. Theres nothing to relish there. Its pure hell. Its a disease. But we treat it like a drug. Hell, Im the sa. Its beyond hypocritical of to even lecture you. But because I know I'm a hypocrite, I can tell you with full certainty... don't be stupid. When it's ti to walk into the fire, let go. You... stay behind and wait for when I co back. What's the point in you following into flas? If only one need suffer, let one suffer."
I disagree, a tear fell down her cheek and she wiped it. The sa way you feel toward wanting your experiences... I feel toward you wanting mine. Having all your needs and desires fulfilled just because you exist... no amount of nightmares make up for that, Sylas. Want to know the real truth as to why there are so few prophets living? Because most beco apathetic toward reality. They beco walking husks in search of anything. They join armies, strange cults, movents, anything for a chance at an outco thats not predetermined. And they die. Because they can barely walk on their own two feet, let alone swing a sword around. Apathy... nothingness... thats far worse than feeling pain.
...
I dont know why I rember our past when nobody else does, she continued. But Ive lived more in the few years weve spent together than all my years prior. And I only have fragnted mories of our experiences. Bits and pieces. Chunks. And yet... they made feel more alive than anything Ive lived out before. Maybe I am childish. Maybe I am a kid refusing to listen to the wisdom of those who ca before . But maybe, just maybe, theres a reason that always happens, Sylas. Theres a reason why kids do the exact sa mistakes their parents did, ti and again. Maybe we need to do them, to beco the adults that we do. If I had experienced heartbreak, if I had experienced loss, discomfort, struggle... maybe, just maybe, you wouldnt see as a kid.
... maybe, Sylas mumbled, taking the last sip of wine. Well. If youre gonna co along, co here, then.
Huh?
Were gonna warm up faster together, he explained. And can abuse the brief window when the weather gets better.
O-oh, she mumbled, though still kept looking at him strangely.
Look, I swear up and down I wont do anything strange! he promised. I may be an animal, but Im not that kind of an animal!
No, I know that, she said, sighing and crawling over, sitting in front of him and easily nestling her back into his front. Im just happy youre relying on .
Yeah, no, this is mostly for your benefit. Ive ward up like two hours ago.
... you couldnt let have even that? she glared back at him.
No, he grinned back. You said it yourself. Cant treat you like a kid no more. From here on out, youll have to earn your victories properly.
"I think that's just an excuse," she grinned as well. "I think you're finally realizing just how great my body is and it's impossible for you to keep treating as a kid!"
No, no, Ive always known that, he said. Ive stripped you with my eyes the mont I laid them on you.
...
I just made you feel extrely awkward, didnt I?
... n-no.
Pfft.
Shut up!
Fine, fine, he chuckled. Warm up, now, he said as she suddenly grabbed both his arms and pulled them around her knees, nestling further.
Its--its gonna be quicker this way.
Aye, it will, he smiled faintly. Aye, it will.
Reviews
All reviews (0)