I’m really starting to get desperate here. He is impossible to break. This past week, he has touched , teased in every way possible. But he never lets co. He always stops right before that. He really is just a giant jerk.
I guess I really need to live my life here without coming. Unless I agree to be his Queen. Honestly, I’m tempted to. Not only because my body will literally explode from sexual frustration. I’ve just been so happy here. Being around Felix feels so right and natural. I really don’t want to leave this place.
I thought that I couldn’t be his Queen just because I would eventually cause him harm. But he really doesn’t react to the sa way he used to. Even though we have been very intimate with each other, he has never shown any signs of losing control like last ti. No purple eyes. No violent acts. I an, he has choked a couple of tis, but nothing more than that.
I feel a sting of disappointnt in my chest. I must be sick for missing that. I’m not sure if it is more because I honestly loved his intense purple gaze, the anticipation in my body when all I could do was wait and see what he would do to , how he would use . Or is it because he clearly isn’t that obsessed with this ti? He doesn’t want like last ti, which stings.
That should be a good thing, great even. If I don’t affect him that way anymore, I could live with him while making him happy. So if I just beco his Queen, I could live by his side until his mana starts acting up too much, and then I would just jump down from the bell tower. This ti, making sure that he is not there to witness it. Seems simple enough.
Then, when I wake up again, I could just co back here and be his Queen all over again.
Hold on. No. That’s not what I planned. I promised that after this loop, I would go back to being devoted. I need to break the curse. I need to die, for good. That’s what I have always wanted.
I furrow my brows. For so reason, that picture of my grave in that mirror doesn’t feel so comforting anymore. I don’t want to die. I want to live my life with Felix. If I were to go stand in front of that mirror, would it show the grave again? Or would it show sothing else?
“Lorelia? Are you alright?”
I snap out of my thoughts and look at Hans, who looks rather worried.
“Sorry. Lost in thought.”
“What is it? Anything I could do to help?”
I wonder if I could sohow see that mirror again. Just out of curiosity.
“Do you happen to know what the Mirror of Desires is?”
“Sure. I helped the Crown Prince carry it into the Royal Vault just yesterday.”
“You did?”
“Yes. Why do you ask?”
“Do you know if anyone is allowed to see it? Or is it off-limits?”
He narrows his eyes at , like inspecting for a while.
“Sure, you can see it. Want to go right away?”
“Like now?”
“Why not? We are all finished with the flowers anyway.”
Should I? For so reason, I really want to know what the mirror shows . Do I really still want to die deep inside? Is my need to be with Felix just sothing temporary? I don’t think so. But I have no idea what I want the most.
“Okay, we can go.”
We start walking toward the Palace, and I follow Hans. My heart starts pounding louder when we stand in front of the door to the Vault. Hans places his hand on the door, and it opens. He leads to the sa room that Felix did that one ti. I’m lucky that Hans has access here. It’s surprising, but lucky.
I go to stand in front of the mirror, which is still covered by a white sheet. Hans grabs the edge of it and yanks it off. But all I can see is my own reflection. It looks like a normal mirror.
‘’Why isn’t it working?’’ I ask.
‘’It works with mana, just push it to the mirror, and then it works.’’
‘’But I didn’t push any mana on it the last ti.’’
‘’It doesn’t have to be the mana from the person in front of the mirror. So soone else probably did it.’’
I guess Felix did. I push my mana toward the mirror, and it starts forming a picture.
A warmth spreads through my whole body as I gaze at the picture of Felix and . I did expect it. But seeing it makes surprisingly happy.
Or should I be happy about it? Being with Felix doesn’t make break the curse. If I keep being with him, I’m being selfish, only caring about my own happiness and not others. I would let people live constantly in this sa loop without moving on, so that only I can experience happiness.
So I should feel guilty, but I don’t.
I then suddenly rember that Hans is here. How am I going to explain to him that I’m fantasizing about the Crown Prince? He doesn’t know that I have any kind of relationship with him. But as I look at Hans, he is just staring at the mirror.
Sothing flickers. It’s like I suddenly saw Felix there. I shake my head and look at Hans again. But the image flickers again. And after a while, I only see Felix standing there.
“Felix?” I ask, not really understanding the situation.
He keeps staring at the mirror.
“You really want ?” he says in a low voice, like he doesn’t believe what he sees.
Oh God. He really must think I’m a creep. We have only known each other for three weeks in this life. So he really must think I’m so creepy, crazy stalker for wanting him this much.
But why is he pretending to be Hans? He hasn’t done anything with his illusion magic to fool . Not in this life.
“Felix. Why are you pretending to be Hans?”
He turns to look at with such a bright smile that it montarily shocks .
“I honestly wasn’t planning to tell you this. But I was apparently too shocked by what the mirror showed that I lost focus on using my magic on you.”
He starts walking toward , and I just keep staring at him.
“Don’t be too mad at . But I wasn’t pretending to be Hans.”
“Yes, you were.”
“No, I wasn’t. I’m not pretending to be Hans. I am Hans. I have always been Hans. Or more specifically, Hans doesn’t exist in the first place.”
“What?” I ask in disbelief.
That can’t be right. I have known Hans for so long, even before I got here. Before Felix even t this ti. I even knew him in my last life.
“I’m him, just like I was Father Owen and Max.”
My eyes widen with shock. How can he know about them? He shouldn’t know anything that happened last ti. No one ever does.
“How do you know about them?” I whisper in disbelief.
He just tilts his head and smiles at warmly while tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
“I like my love ssy and my mories unforgettable.”
“You... rember?”
“Yes.”
Is it really possible? No one has ever rembered anything. Never. Not once.
“How long?”
“I rembered all in that day when you t Hans in Lintel the first ti. I just had to see you.”
“So were you Hans in our past life too?”
“Yes. I know I should have confessed already then that I was him. But he was my plan B. I intentionally told you that he was from Lintel. He was my backup plan in case I wouldn’t succeed in keeping you at the Palace. I could use him to go see you in Lintel if needed. I always had a bad feeling that you would leave , so I needed that backup. And I’m glad I did, since he was the perfect person to talk to you during all this ti.”
“So all this ti, I have been talking to you?”
He nods. I'm not sure whether I should be mad about the fact that he deceived again. And this is even worse than what he did with Father Owen. But I'm not mad, not really. Sohow knowing that he has been there for all this ti makes ... a little happy. Knowing that he has been by my side for so long sohow comforts . Of course, I also feel a little bitter about it. That he lied to again. But it doesn't matter right now. I'm still struggling to understand this whole situation.
“But I still don’t understand. What about when you were at war? I saw Hans in the stables.”
“It was just another spell of mine. I put a few of them in place in case you sought Hans during my absence.”
Wait.
If he rembers all that, does that an he rembers all the pain I caused? Does he rember when I jumped? My heart suddenly hurts from the guilt. I did it to make him happy. I did it only because I knew he wouldn’t rember anything. Oh God. I really am the worst. I made him experience sothing like that without being able to make him forget.
My tears start to fall. I feel so guilty.
“Lo? What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry, Felix. I’m so sorry for what I did,” I speak through my sobbing. “I just didn’t want to cause you misery. I wanted you to forget everything. I wanted you to be happy and forget everything. But I failed. I’m so sorry. I never thought you could rember. No one ever does.”
He cups my cheeks and pulls closer.
“Don’t worry about it. I understand why you did all that. There is no need to feel bad because of it. I’m alright. And I told you that I’m only happy with you. With the curse or without it. I love you, Lo. I will always love you, no matter what happens.”
I can’t stop crying. I’m not even sure why I am crying at this point.
“Please, Lo. Let’s solve this together. During all this ti, I have given all my ti to train my magic. I’m much more in control than last ti. Give a chance to try to deal with it. I wanted to prove that I can control it and then co to you. But I was more than happy when you didn’t deliver that letter. Please give us a chance to deal with your curse together. If we can’t manage to do that this ti, we can try again as many tis as it takes to find the answer.”
“But your life would be so much easier without . If you just forget everything and were with soone else.”
“I’d much rather be haunted by your mory than be healed by anyone else.”
I just stare at him through my tear-soaked eyes as he kneels before while holding my hand.
“Lo. Please marry . Be my Queen. Let be by your side through all of this. Let help you figure this out. I don’t want you to suffer alone anymore. I love you. And I will always love you, no matter how many tis we die.”
Am I really allowed to say yes? After everything I have done? Is it really okay to share my burden with soone? To not be alone? I feel my tears flowing even more. But this ti, I think it’s because I’m happy.
I throw myself at Felix and kiss him, wrapping my hands around his neck.
“I love you too, Felix. So much.”
He pins against the floor.
''Say it again.''
''I love you, Felix,'' I say against his lips.
His right hand starts to travel over my body, lighting it up. I sink my fingers into his hair while our lips devour each other, both of us pouring all our love and pent-up need into each other. My tears slowly stop as my ache for his touch takes control.
He withdraws from the kiss and smirks at .
“So is that a yes?”
I pull him back closer, making our lips brush together, and I smile teasingly at him.
“Only if you fuck and make co.”
His eyes slowly darken, and my pussy clenches with excitent as I see the purple slowly creeping in. Oh God, how much I have missed his purple eyes.
His hand creeps to my throat, squeezing it lightly, making grind myself against him needily.
“I would do anything for you, pretty flower. I’m a gentleman, after all.”
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