When I see the Palace from the carriage window, my heart rate rises once again. Soon I’m going to see him. I know that the first eting is going to be short, and then I have to wait until later in the Selection, when the etings between Felix and the candidates begin. Maybe I could manage to get a glimpse of him sowhere, like in the training grounds, perhaps.
I’m escorted to my room, which is the sa room as previously. When I step inside, it feels good and familiar. Soon after, Milna cos in.
“Lovely to et you, Lady Lorelia. My na is Milna. I’m going to be your personal maid during your visit at the Palace.”
I’m so happy that they gave the sa maid as last ti. It makes feel more comfortable.
“The pleasure is all mine, Milna. I trust myself in your care.”
“I’ll do my best, my lady. First, you have so ti to settle in comfortably. Soon there is going to be the first eting among you candidates. Lessons will start tomorrow. I will help you unpack.”
We unpack my things, and then I’m left alone to wait for the first eting. I step out onto the balcony to gaze over the garden. My heart races just from the thought that Felix is sowhere here. I hope I can keep my mind in check around him. I can’t let it race or show my affection toward him too much. I’m not sure how easily he will sense my emotions in a room full of won.
After the eting, I could go out into the garden like last ti.
Should I visit the church in the morning too? Or would it feel just too empty without Felix? I’ll think about it later. Right now, I need to focus on not getting Felix’s attention. I need to act like the others, not avoid him like last ti.
My excitent only rises when Milna escorts to the eting room. I barely listen to Count Trive talking, since I already know what he is going to say. All I can think about is that soon Felix will walk through that door.
“That’s all the information for today. If you do have any questions, you can always ask your maid. If they don’t know the answer, they will relay the ssage to . But before we let you settle down in your rooms, you have the honor of eting the Crown Prince. After today, you will only see him later in the Selection, when the etings between him and the candidates begin.”
I think I stop breathing as I stare at the door, waiting for him. When the door finally opens, I feel like I can really breathe for the first ti since I died.
Felix steps into the room wearing the sa attire as last ti. He looks perfect. His blond hair shines under the light, his ocean-blue eyes glisten, and his smile is as blinding as ever. I do my best to calm my racing heart and not let my thoughts spiral out of control.
“An absolute pleasure to see you all here. I’m Felix Barham. I do hope you enjoy your stay at the Palace. I appreciate your desire to be here as one of the candidates. Your efforts will not go unnoticed.”
His voice alone lts my heart. Oh God, how much I have missed him. I just want to run to him and hug him, to say I’m sorry for the misery and pain I caused him. But I know I can’t. He doesn’t rember , and he doesn’t rember the harm I caused him, which is a good thing.
This ti, I don’t look at the floor. I keep my eyes on him. I don’t think I could avert my gaze even if I wanted to; he is too captivating. I feel like I need to morize every inch of him while I can. I promised that in the next loop, I won’t co here, so I need to watch him while I still can.
Suddenly, his eyes lock onto mine, and my heart stops beating for a mont. He smiles his charming smile, and I feel my cheeks flush. I’m apparently still so weak. We stare at each other for a short while. It probably lasts only a few seconds, but it feels like a small eternity. For a mont, there is only us in the room.
When the candidates begin introducing themselves, he moves his gaze away from , and I let out a heavy exhale.
I fiddle with my fingers nervously while waiting for my turn. I’m wearing a red dress today, and I feel a little insecure about it. I an, I like it, but I’m so used to wearing white that it feels strange on . Will Felix think I look odd? He has only ever seen in white, after all.
What am I thinking? This Felix has never seen before, so he doesn’t know I usually wear only white.
I focus on him, watching as he politely greets every girl in the room. This ti, Count Trive doesn’t forget . I hope that ans I’ve succeeded in blending in with the others.
My heart beats loudly in my chest as I step forward to stand in front of Felix. Just his gaze makes my entire skin tingle. I take hold of the hem of my dress and bow gracefully.
“Greetings to the little sun of the Empire. My na is Lorelia Helesantra. It is an honor to et you in person, Your Highness.”
It feels strange to call him “Your Highness” when I had already grown used to calling him by his na.
I straighten up and startle when he speaks to .
“Lorelia, huh? Why haven’t I seen you before?”
I look at him, honestly surprised that he still asks that, even though I acted so differently this ti. But maybe his question is just curiosity, since I’m probably the only unfamiliar face here. I give a slightly longer answer so he won’t think I’m blunt and get excited.
“I haven’t really joined high society. I spend most of my ti in the temple, serving God.”
Looking directly into his eyes while we talk is driving crazy. I can’t help but let my gaze drift down to his lips, thinking about how they felt against mine.
“The temple?” he asks, smirking.
“My father is the High Priest in the Grand Temple, so the temple is my second ho.”
“Well, that certainly explains it. Knowing that makes regret not visiting the Grand Temple more often.”
I gulp. Sohow his words comfort , knowing he clearly doesn’t rember . Like confirmation that the pain I caused is truly gone. He really is free from . But I can’t help the bitter sting in my chest, because I’m not free of him. I’m not sure if I ever will be.
“The Crown Prince is a busy man, so I think we should let him return to his duties.”
I return to the line, unsure whether I feel happier or sadder. I keep staring at him, and his eyes lock onto mine once more before he exits, just like last ti.
I hope it doesn’t an that I caught his attention too much.
I return to my room, and after dinner, I ask Milna to take to the garden. She shows around, and I pretend that I don’t know anything. Then I rember that last ti, when we first visited the greenhouse, Felix ca there. He said he was passing by, saw the greenhouse door open, and wanted to see who was inside.
I can’t do that now. Maybe that eting was the turning point, the mont I caught his attention, since I was trying to flee from him back then.
But maybe I could still see him. If he walks past the greenhouse, I could stay nearby and watch him from afar.
I ask Milna if I could be alone for a while, and she agrees and leaves . I head toward the greenhouse and position myself a bit farther away, standing behind a large tree. I’m sure I can spot him from here without him noticing . It’s getting quite late, and the sun is setting, so I’m safe in the dim light.
As I wait, I realize how pathetic I am. I rember hearing other candidates say last ti that they tried to get a glimpse of Felix, sneaking into the training grounds, and such. And now I’m doing the sa.
Oh please forgive , God. I really am weak and pathetic. But I promise, I will get better.
Ti drags on as I peek out from behind the tree and wait. Then suddenly, a voice behind scares the living daylights out of .
“You hiding from soone?”
“Holy crap!” I yell as I jump what feels like six feet into the air, stumble, and land flat on my backside.
I hear a familiar chuckle. “Sorry, my bad. I didn’t an to scare you. Will you forgive ?”
I look up and see Felix, extending his hand toward . My chest tightens at the sight of him.
Crap. This is not how it was supposed to go. How did he notice ? Did he sense my thoughts or sothing? But I can manage this, just don’t be blunt.
I take his hand, let him pull up, and straighten my dress.
“There is nothing to apologize for, Your Highness. I was simply too absent-minded to notice your presence. I apologize that you had to witness my unladylike behavior.”
He smirks in a way that makes my stomach twist into knots. I hate how he can affect with such small gestures.
“No need to apologize. It was rather amusing to watch.”
What a jerk, enjoying others’ misfortune. I bite my tongue to avoid scolding him.
“So, why are you lurking behind a tree?”
Crap. I need to lie. Let’s hope he doesn’t sense it.
“I was just thinking about visiting the greenhouse.”
“But decided to watch it from behind a tree? Are you afraid there are ghosts in there or sothing?” he says, amused.
He clearly enjoys this situation. Jerk. I do my best to keep my smile in place.
“Of course not. I just wasn’t sure if we were allowed to go there. So I thought I would observe for a while to see if another candidate would go in.”
“Of course you’re allowed to go. I doubt you’ll see anyone else, though. It’s rare for anyone to visit the greenhouse. People usually prefer the garden. Co on, I’ll show you.”
He starts walking toward the greenhouse, and I just stand there, too shocked to move.
I can’t go with him. The risk of him becoming interested in is too high. But if I refuse, he might think I’m avoiding him, and that could also draw his attention.
Crap, crap, crap. What should I do?
He stops when he notices I’m not following.
“You coming? Or do you prefer spying on from behind the tree?”
Should I? I want to. I really want to go with him. Will I regret it if I do, or if I don’t?
Before I can decide, my body moves on its own and walks toward him. Deciding for . He smiles warmly when I do, and my chest tightens even more. He opens the door for , and I step inside.
I take a deep breath, enjoying the scent of countless flowers mingling in the air.
“So, am I right to presu that you like flowers?”
“I do. Very much.”
“Feel free to visit anyti. Our gardener who was in charge of the greenhouse, unfortunately broke his arm, so we have a staff mber from the stables covering for him while he recovers. If you ever need anything, I’m sure he’ll be happy to help.”
I smile, already knowing all of this. I walk toward the roses nearby, the ones we planted together last ti. I hope I get to plant them again this ti, even without him. I gently brush my fingers over the petals. He cos to stand beside .
“Are roses your favorite flower?”
“No.”
“Then what is?”
“Azuregleam,” I say, smiling as I recall the mory of him telling about it.
“Azuregleam? I’ve never heard of it. Why do you like it?”
“It’s from another country, which is probably why you don’t know it. And I love its color.”
Because its light blue shade reminds of your ocean-blue eyes, glistening under the sunlight.
“Lady Lorelia, your bath is ready.”
I turn around to see Milna standing by the door. She visibly startles when she notices Felix beside .
“Good evening, Your Highness. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“Of course not,” I say quickly. “His Highness was kind enough to show the greenhouse.”
I turn to Felix and bow. “Thank you, Your Highness, for accompanying . I will take my leave now. I hope God blesses your day.”
He tilts his head and smiles.
“The pleasure was all mine, Lady Lorelia. I hope you enjoy your stay at the Palace.”
I leave the greenhouse, my heart pounding in my chest. We didn’t even talk much, yet I feel so alive. Like I’ve been living in darkness all this ti and finally found the light.
I’m happy.
But I’m also sad, knowing that after the Selection, I’ll have to return to that darkness. Knowing I will never see the light again.
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