I co ho without patience for Hexael, who was trying to manipulate my mind.
"Should I distance myself from Ayane a bit?" I wonder if this is a good idea, Hexael is slowly infecting my mind with problematic ideas and I’m falling into his tricks more and more.
Even though I try to avoid it, even though I do everything in my power, I can’t overco Hexael, who knows better than I know myself. If you know soone deeply, you can predict that person.
Hexael sohow knows exactly what I’m like and how I normally act, and he uses that to manipulate .
’I need to distract my mind, I need to distract my mind in any way possible’ I quickly think of what to do to control the bad feelings as I enter my house.
A simple house, but even it reminds of Ayane, since it was Ayane who helped buy all the furniture in this house.
’This isn’t helping’ Killing monsters didn’t even co close to helping , coming ho didn’t help either, I need so other form of distraction, no matter how small.
"...Haaa...I wish I could forget everything" I murmur, opening the fridge and grabbing a cold slice of pizza and taking a bite, since I didn’t eat anything for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.
’Tasteless...’ I continue eating the cold slice without really enjoying what I’m eating as I sit in the chair, looking at a wall clock that I chose from the things.
It’s a simple 3-hand clock that indicates seconds, minutes, and hours without directly telling the ti. I liked its simple and straightforward style, so I ended up choosing to bring it with as well.
The tick-tock helps a bit, it’s rhythmic, simple, and progressively unchanging, so by focusing on it, it helps take my mind off the bad things in my head.
What bothers the most is that when Hexael talked about killing Ayane’s boyfriend, I actually thought of it as a plausible thing to do for a mont, which showed how much I’m slowly crumbling without realizing it.
Hexael is a treacherous "snake" and his words slowly poison my mind, but it’s not like I have any way to not hear him. He takes advantage of opportune monts to spew these manipulative nonsense.
"Envy..." I never thought I was the envious type, but now it all makes sense. In fact, my being envious explains a lot about my behavior in the past and present.
The feeling of inferiority I always feel when I compare myself to her is a clear sign of the envy I feel. It’s just that I’m so bad with emotions that I never realized it was envy, I just thought it was a discomfort with sothing.
It ans that I’ve been envious of Ayane since childhood. Now, exactly when it started, I don’t know. I have no idea at what point Ayane beca the target of my love and envy, I just know it started in childhood and grew over ti.
I even hid it pretty well, but now that I’m a girl, the comparisons between us two keep coming up, and with Hexael amplifying bad feelings to the max, the envy simply increased dramatically.
Or maybe it didn’t increase, it just beca more "free". I don’t know, I have no idea if my bad feelings are so bad because Hexael amplified them, or if they’ve always been that bad.
"..." I finish eating the pizza and look at the clock’s hand moving, thinking about what to do now. The clock is no longer helping enough, I need sothing more consistent and powerful to stop thinking nonsense.
"I should support her...no matter what Hexael said, I won’t fall for these tricks." If I support her relationship, everything will be fine. There aren’t many other options to consider.
"Yes...that’s all I have to do. Who cares if I suffer from it?" Ayane and no one else will know. The only one who will know if I suffer is Hexael. Besides, it’s my decision. Suffering from my own decisions is just taking responsibility.
"That’s what I’ll do..." I pick up my phone and write a ssage to Ayane, congratulating her on her date, while saying we can talk tomorrow, but then I rember she didn’t tell about this date, so I delete the ssage that doesn’t make sense.
"Haaa...I’ll just send a different ssage then..." I try to write sothing, anything that will help start a conversation with her, but it’s hard to find any topic to talk to her about. I’m a boringly dull person with nothing interesting about myself.
"She’s online..." She seems to have seen that I tried to write sothing but didn’t send anything, so she sends a good night and asks if I want to talk, which I imdiately agree to with a ssage.
[It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it?] I send a simple and direct ssage and anxiously wait for her response.
[Yes! I had my first date with my boyfriend, do you want to hear about it? (≧▽≦)] She asks, sending a blushing smiley emoji.
[Of course, what happened?] I ask, pretending so interest when in fact I observed everything, except for the conversations, since I couldn’t hear from that distance.
[It was really fun, he knows a lot of cool and fun things, and he talked about several other countries he’s been to. There are so beautiful sceneries that I’d love to visit in the future. He also ntioned so nice places in the city where we can go on more dates (＾▽＾)] She sends a slightly longer ssage.
’...’ At this point, it’s obvious his narcissism in talking more about himself than asking questions. Ayane continues sending ssages describing the date, where it’s clear that the boyfriend practically talked more about himself than asked questions.
With each ssage, I get more irritated. I think this was a bad idea, but I need to be strong for her and myself, so I continue responding as she describes.
’At least she had fun, and that’s good.’ If she’s happy, then everything is perfect...that’s what I can tell myself.
[And you, Setsuna? I heard you’ve already been discharged from the dical ward at the magical girls’ base. Do you feel better now? Or do you need any help?] Ayane finally talks about sothing different.
[Yes, I’ve already been discharged, and after tomorrow, I’ll be back at school. I’m doing well now, and I appreciate the offer, but I don’t need any help. However, I’ll send a ssage if I need anything.] I send the ssage, preferring this topic.
[That’s great! I’m so glad you’re doing better now (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄⁄ᗝ⁄
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