The day was a strange ss. So many things happened after everything Setsuna said. First, after we got ho, I tried calling every magical girl I knew.
In the end, no one answered, and when I searched online for news about deaths, it was there—reporting on the deaths that had occurred in the building. The reason wasn’t stated, probably because no one knows, and they didn’t even detail who died there, so I still hold hope that there are magical girls alive out there.
It was sad, but aside from Ophelia and a few other girls, I didn’t really know anyone. Although I feel insensitive for thinking so little of them, the truth is my mind is just completely full of other thoughts.
So my focus shifted to Setsuna, who is "Dying." She said she’s dying, and I deduced it’s probably an illness, though I don’t even know if magical girls can die from diseases. I knew far too little about being a magical girl.
But thinking rationally, I could only feel useless for not noticing and for not having the ability to cure her, which makes think how weak I still am, even after awakening an angel’s power.
I spent hours and hours agonizing over Setsuna’s final request. I understood that she wants to give her first ti, which should be a special occasion, but in this situation, it’s painful to have to make this choice.
I never expected my first ti would be this soon, and I expected even less that it would be under these circumstances.
So here I am, stuck at this crossroads, where everything seems to be falling apart, which made run to my room and spend the rest of my ti there pacing in circles while I tried to decide what to do.
And now I don’t know if I can give Setsuna an answer tonight, which just makes feel more pressured since she only said she’s dying but didn’t explain anything, so I don’t know how much ti I have.
...
...
...
I look at the door to Ayane’s room, where she’s isolated herself to think about her choice. I can hear the sound of her footsteps, showing just how anxious she is about the decision.
’Maybe it wasn’t the best option...but I think it’ll do...’ I didn’t exactly lie to Ayane. I am "dying." I’m ceasing to be myself, which is why I decided I at least want to fulfill this one wish.
In the end, I chose to fortify Ayane beyond the power I have. I’m going to make her stronger than , strong enough to truly kill if I step too far out of line with her.
That’s why I asked her if she could kill soone important to her if that person turned into a monster. I was talking about myself. I don’t know if I can trust her to do it.
But all I can do now is hope she can really stop , because it’s getting harder every day to focus on what’s in front of . The power of Number 0 inside is growing.
And soon, I think my jealousy is going to explode, and that’s not good, because I’m developing this unpleasant desire to destroy things.
’But there’s still Hexael... I need to get rid of him sohow... I don’t want her getting in the way...’ I sit down at the table. I know Ayane will agree to have sex with because I know her like the back of my hand... and because I can see the future.
She’s the type of person who would do anything for the sake of those she loves. She’ll fulfill her dying girlfriend’s last wish, even if it’s a bit of a heavy thing to ask of her.
But since I’m really disappearing and ceasing to be who I am, I believe I at least have the right to indulge my desires for the first ti in my life, to set aside the responsibility, goals, and plans and just lose myself in sothing aningful.
All of this started when I found out everything Ayane had suffered. In other tilines, she’s been raped by all sorts of monsters. My jealousy really can’t accept that.
If she’s already been deflowered by every kind of monster, then at least in this current tiline, I want to be the one to do it. I also want to give my virginity to her... although I don’t have a hyn anymore because I used vibrators on myself, I’m still a virgin.
’Even my desires are so dirty now...’ I’ve already eliminated 90% of the monsters on the planet, and now I have so much of Number 0’s power that I can create [Collapse Zones]. They’re fixed points on the earth where ti collapses and everything inside is destroyed.
Whether because ti accelerated like crazy until destruction, or because it reversed too quickly. And I can make these appear anywhere on the planet. Combining that with my amplified future vision, I can kill monsters from a distance.
And even the strongest monsters on the planet can’t handle a power that manipulates ti. Of course, using this accelerates how fast my mind is decaying.
However, I know that being intimate with Ayane will reduce my jealousy, because I know she can’t possibly be cheating on while we’re together. That’s realistically impossible, even for her.
So, asking Ayane for sex isn’t just about pleasure and jealousy; it’s also partly because I really need a ntal rest.
Because the more power I have, the more images appear in my mind, and the more realistic they beco. On top of that, the mories of Number 0 are starting to flood my fragile human mind.
Added to that, I don’t even know what’s happening to my body anymore, but it seems different in many ways. My eyes, for example, have clearly stopped being normal, since if I focus, I can see the movent of bacteria, literally seeing the microscopic realm.
anwhile, my little test with the knife doesn’t work anymore. Even when I try to cut myself on purpose, my skin has beco so resistant that knives break, and even my hunting knife, which is a magical girl weapon, has difficulty.
But now all I can do is wait for Ayane to co and accept my request. It gives a strange satisfaction to see her so anxious about this choice, only to end up choosing anyway in the end.
It’s kind of sweet... I really... I wish we could have had a normal relationship, but I ruined everything by being the ss that I am now. If only Number 0 had never existed, things would have been better for both and her.
Although I probably wouldn’t exist without Number 0... but not existing might have been for the best for an aberration like , who’s full of envy, obsession, and jealousy.
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