Sir Moo-Rlboro Mike found Sir Cut-n-Run on a busy rchant street, shaking down a few rich young masters for so protection fees.
"Like I already told you three, I built this road. Since you’re standing on it, you are required to pay protection fees."
The three arrogant young masters, with a troublemaker attitude, said to Sir Cut-n-Run,
"You did not build this road, old man, and we don’t have to give you shit."
*Whip*
*Snap*
"Ahh!"
The man who talked back to Sir Cut-n-Run found himself slapped in the face by Backstab’s three-foot-long blond beard. Sohow, the beard could extend past three feet to slap people in the face. This ignorant young master had never seen such a violent beard before.
Looking at this giant muscular old man, who had an eight-foot long claymore sword on his back, the young master said without a shred of fear,
"You bastard, don’t make call the guards on you. Those won are rciless to anyone who dares to cause trouble in this city."
Then, to the shock of these three losers, Sir Cut-n-Run pulled out a badge from within his beard and said,
"Cry tears of gold crowns, losers, because I’m Sir Cut-n-Run of the Grimsever Tax and Inspection Collection Departnt at your service."
The badge showed the coat of arms of the Grimsever family: a death knight holding a sword in his hands. The three n looked dumbfounded at this badge, then began to sweat bullets. The leader of the three said,
"Oh, you’re Sir Cut-n-Run. I’ve heard so much about you. Of course, this road is yours. In fact, I was present the day you built it. Here, take these fifty gold crowns from each of us, so that we can use this road without fear of being robbed by so tax-collecting scoundrels."
Sir Cut-n-Run smiled and accepted the one hundred and fifty gold crowns. Then, he waved the three n away. They fled in panic, not wanting to be beheaded by the scary female guards of Valoria.
None of them noticed Sir Moo-Rlboro, who quietly helped himself to their wallets as they passed by him.
After all, a cow has to be able to support his chewing habit.
After the three young masters arrived at the other end of the road, they could be heard screaming,
"No, who robbed us?" x3
Of course, by this ti, Sir Cut-n-Run and Sir Moo-Rlboro were long gone on their next assignnt, squeezing a few bloody crowns from a few rchants who liked to overextend their ambitions and take a shot at assassinating Fate.
In a newly purchased estate in the redeveloped noble quarter that the Blood Maidens robbed clean, three wise n were sitting around a table made of imitation rosewood, sipping from genuine imitation gold chalices. The youngest of the three n, who went by the na of Dunce Garfunky, and his two uncles, Ninny and Laish Garfunky, comnted with Dunce saying,
"Uncle Ninny and Laish, I’m very pleased with the ho we purchased. I can’t believe that this ho ca fully furnished with so many gold and silver items, not to ntion all of this expensive wood furniture. We got a real steal from those ho realtors that like to dress in red. But on to the real matter at hand. I have had no word from the assassins that we sent after Fate Grimsever. So it is safe to assu that they failed in their attempts. But we can’t let this discourage us. We have been assured by the nobles that serve Fate that once he is removed, they will na our family as the exclusive trading partners of The Southern Hampshire Plains once Prince Nimrod Bloodsworn takes over this incredibly wealthy territory. Now that I will be going to school at Bloomspire Academy, we have plenty of ti to work on taking Fate’s life. The latest intelligence I have received from our rchant spies says that Fate plans to attend classes at Bloomspire Academy."
Ninny and Laish nodded their heads in agreent with Dunce. But then Ninny said to his brother and nephew,
"What do we do about the Vizar family led by Luna Vizar? They have shown favoritism towards Fate’s subordinates Amara Sterling and Ruby Valentine. Our intelligence suggests there is a connection between them and Luna. That rchant family is very mysterious, and their power runs deep in Hildegard."
Dunce shook his head, saying to Ninny,
"Uncle Ninny, there is no need to worry. There is no way that Luna Vizar would bother coming to Valoria. That woman has not been seen in years, ever since she insulted Sultan Gaylord Nickumpoop the Sultan of Hildegard calling him a fat tub of lard."
Ninny looked at his nephew Dunce and said,
"Dunce, you need to get close with Prince Nimrod Bloodsworn and get him to warm up to our ideas about a business monopoly with the kingdom of Westridge and our family. As such, we have acquired a large sum of the local currency for you to use in order to flatter the prince. We went to a mysterious local money exchanger that liked to dress in red and exchanged gold ingots for the money. That woman was quite mysterious. I wanted to acquire her for my harem of wives and simply take her money for myself. But then the city guard showed up as if by so miracle. Dunce, you know your uncle is generally not afraid of people. But those won wearing that dark blood-red armor that reeked of the failure of testosterone soaked n are not won we should provoke. I’m telling you this now, don’t casually hit on won in this city or abduct them, or you will end up with your head on a pike like those others that we saw on pikes at the gates of entry into Valoria."
When Dunce heard this, his eyes grew wide like saucers as he said to his uncle,
"Uncle Ninny, how could Duke Fate Grimsever ever allow won to have such power in his city? He even lets his maid Ruby Valentine completely run the administrative affairs of his territory. What kind of tis are we living in where a woman can handle a man’s money? Amara Sterling is even worse. How can Fate allow himself to be guarded by a woman like that? This is so dishonorable. Even the saintess of The Church Of Divine Promises has to humble herself before the n in charge of the church, or they will replace her. I don’t know if you two have noticed, but the majority of military and financial positions in this territory are currently being managed by won. It makes think that Fate is simply a simp who lets himself be controlled by his desires."
At this point, the silent Laish spoke up for the first ti,
"Dunce, you need to keep those opinions to yourself. We are no longer in the rchant nation of Hildegard, where n hold most of the power, with the sole exception being Luna Vizar and her rchant consortium. Here in the kingdom of Westridge, you will get yourself killed talking like that, even if others agree with you. In this city, no one would dare to publicly agree with you, especially the poor and holess. Fate goes out of his way to spend countless amounts of money on these vagabonds; to them, he is a damn hero. As for the nobles, the current sentint is open rebellion when the ti cos for the eting of the lords. The nobles are very displeased with Fate’s treatnt of the poor and tax breaks for the commoners. He is eroding their authority by doing this. So keep your damn mouth shut. After this all blows over and Fate is dealt with, we can make our move on the attractive won that seem to be in abundance in this city."
At this point, the three n could hear a faint noise coming from outside their luxurious mansion.
*Pull*
"Ha ha, Sir Moo-Rlboro, you old bastard, now this is the way to make an entrance."
Then a second similar noise was heard.
*Pull*
"Mooo, Sir Cut-n-Run, who are you calling old, you buck-toothed bastard?"
Then a terrifying noise that all hoowners fear hearing coming from their roof was heard.
*Boom*
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