Chapter 170: Leaving
As they danced, Mia listened to the words of the song, wondering if Neil was noticing them too, or if he, like most n, rely listened to the music and ignored lyrics. "Pretty song," she said because she desperately wanted him to hear the words as if they ca from her.
"Beautiful lyrics," Neil agreed, trying to steady himself, to tell himself that whatever he was feeling would soon fade when he was away from her. He gazed at her face, and the words of the song seed to pierce his heart in a way he couldn’t control.
*I never really knew what love is, but whatever it is, I feel it in your kiss*
*You waltzed in like sobody planned it all, I feel right where I belong, My knees are weak, My heart is strong*
*So gim your word, And I’ll give you all I’ve got, no we don’t have much, but it sure feels like a lot*
*So, take my heart and take my hand*
Neil was actually relieved when the song ended and the voice faded, but another song began to play and Mia chose that mont to lift her cheek from his chest and look up at him, and as he looked into her eyes and heard the lyrics of the song, he felt his chest tighten.
*Nobody loves
like you do, In your presence, every color shines anew. You’re the missing piece, the lody to my rhy, In the dance of life, you’re the perfect ti.*
*Like a canvas waiting for the painter’s brush, I was incomplete, in need of a loving touch. You brought rhythm to my silence, a lyric to my song, In your embrace, I finally belong... Because of you.*
*Nobody loves
like you do, In your embrace, every dream feels true. You’re the anchor in the storm, the light in the night, With you by my side, everything feels right.*
*In a world of uncertainty, you’re my constant, my guide, With you, my love, I’ll always abide. In your arms, I’ve found my ho, With you, my love, I’ll never roam.*
When the song ca to an end, Mia drew in a shaky breath, and he realized she was trying to pull out of the music’s spell by picking up their conversation about their mutual favorites.
"What’s your favorite thing to do, Neil?"
Neil tipped her chin up and gazed into the depth of her large shiny eyes. "My favorite thing," he said in an aching, husky voice he barely recognized as his own, "is making love to you all day."
Her brown eyes darkened and sparkled with a love she wasn’t trying to conceal from him anymore.
"What’s your favorite food?" she asked shakily, trying her best not to tear up.
In response to her question, Neil bent his head and took her lips in a soft kiss. "You are." He whispered.
And in that mont, he realized that sending her out of his life tomorrow was going to be harder than it had been to watch his parents burn in fla, and harder than when he heard the prison gates clanging shut behind him five years ago. Without realizing what he was doing, he tightened his arms around her, buried his face in her hair, and squeezed his eyes closed to stop the burning he was feeling in his eyes and throat.
Mia’s hand touched his face, her fingers spreading over his rigid jaw, and her voice was shattered as she asked, "You-you’re planning to send
away tomorrow, aren’t you?"
"Yes."
Mia heard the absolute finality in the word, and she was so used to him that she knew it was going to be futile to argue when he’d already made up his mind on sending her away, but she did it anyway. "I don’t want to go, I want to stay with you!"
He lifted his head, and even though his voice was still soft, it was steadier and more resolute when he spoke. "Don’t make it harder than it already is, Mia. You don’t belong with , go back ho."
"I don’t want to, I want__"
"Shh," he silenced her with a demanding kiss that tore away any words of protest from her mouth. "Don’t make it hard on , go ho." He whispered, kissing and nibbling her lips as if he couldn’t have enough. "But for now, I want you in my bed, I want to feel your warmth envelope ."
Mia wondered silently how it could possibly be any harder if she protests, but she swallowed back that futile protest and did as he asked for the ti being. She went to bed with him and tried to smile when he asked.
After he had brought them both to a shattering climax, she turned in his arms and whispered desperately, "I love you, Neil. I love—" His fingertips covered her lips, silencing the words when she tried to say them again, the look in his gray eyes was so unusual as he said,
"Don’t."
Mia dragged her gaze from his and bent her head, staring at his tattooed chest. She wished he would say it back to her even though he didn’t an it. She wanted to hear the words from him, and hear him ask her to wait for him until he would be back, but she held back because she knew he would never say any of those words when he didn’t an it. Unable to control her hurt, she buried her head in his chest and silently cried in his arms for the love she’d lost and for the man she was about to lose again.
Neil felt the wetness of her tears on his chest, but he used every little bit of self-control he could muster to stop himself from saying the words he knew she wanted to hear. He couldn’t, he just couldn’t.
Mia Harrison deserved better than him, she belonged away from him. If she knew the sort of danger she was in by staying with him, she wouldn’t have thought twice of leaving.
He watched her shoulders shake with silent sobs and he shut his eyes close and clenched his fists so he wouldn’t touch her and give her hopes that he had feelings for her. He allowed her to cry without making any attempt to console her, while deep down, he was hurting more than any one could ever imagine.
****
The next morning, Neil woke up before Mia at dawn and packed all of her stuff into her suitcase. He even helped her pick the clothes she’d wear and made breakfast. They both ate breakfast in silence without saying a word to each until when she was about to leave.
After their breakfast, he started to heat up the frozen engines of the BMW as they stood beside the car.
"It’s not going to snow today," Neil said, glancing up at the faint pink sunrise streaking the sky as he reached around the steering wheel and put a thermos full of hot coffee on the passenger seat beside it for Mia. He looked down at her, his expression composed. "You should have clear roads all the way back to Mirage sa."
Mia understood the rules for this departure because he’d made them clear this morning when they were eating breakfast—no tears, no regrets—and she was trying desperately to seem composed as well.
"I’ll be careful."
"Don’t speed," he said. As he spoke, he reached out and pulled the buttons of her coat close and then smoothed the collar up closer to her chin like a parent taking care of a child. The simple gesture almost made her cry. "You drove too damned fast the last ti I was in your car, don’t you dare drive like that on the highway when you’ll be alone."
"I won’t." She whispered.
"Good. Try to get as far from here as possible without being recognized by anyone," he reminded her again, taking her sunglasses from her hand and sliding them onto her nose to conceal her teary eyes that were making his heart thighten with the pain he couldn’t control.
"Once you make it across the Avalora line, pull into the first rest stop you pass and leave the car in front of it. Stay out of sight for twenty minutes, then go straight to the phone booth and call...Owen or Rayne. The military and the authorities will be listening in on the conversation, so sound as nervous and confused as you can. Tell them I left you at the rest stop on the floor of the back seat, blindfolded, and that I vanished and you’ve gotten free. Tell them you’re coming ho. Once you get ho, stick strictly with the truth and don’t lie."
Neil had already taken a neck scarf from the house, knotted it as if it had been tied around her eyes to console her view and tossed it in the car this morning. Mia swallowed and nodded because there was nothing left to do or to say—at least, nothing that he wanted to hear. She had a lot of things to say but he wouldn’t want to hear any of them.
"Anymore questions?" he asked.
Mia shook her head.
"Good. Now, co closer and kiss
goodbye."
Mia automatically leaned up on her toes to kiss him and was surprised when his arms closed around her with stunning force, but his kiss was brief, then he set her away from him. "That’s enough, you may leave," he said flatly.
She nodded but couldn’t seem to move, and her resolve not to make any sort of uncomfortable scene cracked a little. "You’ll call , won’t you?"
"No."
"But I won’t be at peace if I don’t know how you are," she said desperately, "even if you can’t tell
where you are. I have to know you’re safe! You said yourself the military won’t watch my calls for very long, if at all. You__"
"Mia, If I’m caught, you’ll hear about it on the news within hours. If you don’t, you’ll know I’m safe and away."
"But why can’t you call ?" she burst out and instantly regretted it when his face beca stiff and aloof.
"No calls, Mia! Anything between us is over when you leave here today. We’re over." The words lashed her like whips even though there was no unkindness in his tone.
"Tomorrow morning, you are to pick up your old life where you left it. Pretend none of this ever happened, pretend you’ve never t , and you’ll forget it within weeks."
"Maybe you’ll be able to do that, Neil, but I won’t," she said, hating the sound of desperation and tears in her voice. She was being a fool by trying to plead with a man who had no feelings whatsoever for her. And with that thought, she shook her head as if to take back her words and turned toward the car, angrily brushing her hand against her wet eye. "I’m leaving before I make a bigger fool of myself," she choked.
"Don’t leave," he whispered harshly, catching her arm and stopping her from leaving.
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