As soon as I got out, I took a deep breath, finally able to breathe properly. It felt suffocating in there, being in the sa room as my father.
I headed out of the house and went to my car. I drove ho as quickly as I could so I could see Justin again, and when I arrived at the condo, my heart started pounding like crazy as if I committed so kind of cri.
I headed to our unit and before I could enter the pass code, my finger trembled as I hesitated.
I feel guilty.
I feel guilty for not telling him about anything until now. I can still rember it clearly when I told him that we should tell each other about our problems, but I seem so hypocritical right now. I was the one who said that, yet I'm the one who's turning against my own words.
I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut.
I should just go in.
I entered the pass code and as soon as I opened the door, I was shocked to see that the lights were still on.
When I saw Justin sitting on the sofa as if he was waiting for , my heart ached.
It pained just thinking that he waited for for hours just because I didn't contact him at all.
I wanted to punch myself badly as I looked at him turning his head towards . As I walked closer to him, he stood up.
"Why are you ho so late? I called and texted you but you never answered any of them," he said as I walked towards .
He really did call and text earlier.
I felt a stinging sensation in my heart again.
I couldn't look at his face, let alone stare at his eyes.
"I'm sorry, darling. Let's talk about this later, hmm? I'm really tired right now," I said as I took my coat off and threw it on the sofa.
My mind says to explain everything to him, but my mouth does otherwise. This makes feel like a total idiot for avoiding talking to him right now.
"Did you smoke?" He asked. I swallowed hard at his question. I quit smoking before I t him, so he didn't know that I used to smoke. Will he get upset about this? Even if he does... he probably won't be as upset as he is when he waited for without contacting him at all.
"Yes, I did. I'm gonna go to bed now," I said as I walked to our room, avoiding him once again.
"What about dinner?" Justin asked.
I'm terrible. I'm a very terrible person.
"I already ate," I said as I opened the door. I went in right away to avoid lengthening our conversation and said, "Gonna sleep now. Good night."
I closed the door and leaned my back against the door.
Fuck.
My chest hurts so much.
I covered my face with my palms, and the mont that they made contact with each other, I felt sothing warm and wet on my palms.
I moved my palms away from my face and stared at them for a while and realized sothing.
Am I... crying?
Damn it, I am.
I lowered my head and covered my face again. My chest felt like it was getting squeezed tightly. I couldn't even picture Justin's facial expression earlier because I wasn't able to look at his face.
I don't know what to do...
This is the first ti I've been like this and I really don't know what to do.
I bit my lower lip to stop myself from sobbing and imdiately ran to the bathroom when I realized that I might start sobbing even if I'm already biting my lip.
I washed my face to cool my head while still crying, and I eventually stopped after a few splashes.
This isn't like at all. This isn't... like .
I'm soone who's able to control my own emotions. It's always been a rational person who wouldn't let my emotions control . But... why am I suddenly becoming like this?
I wiped my face and brushed my teeth afterwards. I went out of the bathroom and saw that Justin still hasn't gone in. I took my clothes off and hopped on the bed after.
I laid in bed as I waited for him to enter the room and sleep next to , but I didn't realize that I've already fallen asleep.
JUSTIN'S POINT VIEW:
Tristan started to co ho late after last ti. He said it was sothing to do with work, but I found it strange. I knew he still uses the condo as his workplace, so I can't seem to understand why he has to stay outside for so long.
I'm currently at a popular cafe with Daryl. He said he's been wanting to go here for quite a while already, so we both ca here together after our classes ended.
"What's going on between you and Tristan? You have this gloomy atmosphere around you every single day," Daryl said and took a sip from his juice.
I hesitated whether I should tell him or not. I haven't told Daryl about anything until now. Nothing about my pregnancy. Nothing about Tristan.
"It's just that we haven't been spending much ti together. He's pretty busy lately," I said as I smiled a little. He stared at for a while, as if he's doubting what I just said. He sighed and said, "Okay."
It seed like he sensed that I didn't want to talk about it and decided to just let be for now to be considerate.
"If you want soone to talk to about anything... anything at all, you can always co to . You know that, right?" He said as he gave a gentle smile. His amber eyes were staring into mine as if communicating through them, telling that he will always be there for .
I nodded. "I know," I said as I smiled at him.
Daryl has always been there for since we beca friends. It's kind of painful for to not tell him anything that has been going on in my life as of late since he's always known everything about before, but this ti... this is sothing that I shouldn't talk to anyone about.
I feel like if I told soone about this, they'd arrive at a conclusion that I should openly confront Tristan about this or just breakup with him. I can't do that. I don't know what kind of hardships Tristan is experiencing right now. I don't know anything, which only makes think that I should try to understand him longer until he finally opens up to ... until he finally feels comfortable in talking about his worries.
"Is he not gonna pick you up again today?" Daryl asked. I paused for a while, thinking about what I should reply to that.
After the night he ca ho late, he hasn't been fetching from the university. Of course, I just let him do as he pleases. He's not obliged to do that every single day and more importantly, he's not my personal driver.
"Yes, I guess..." I answered and lowered my eyes to the empty glass of juice in front of .
I can't look Daryl in the eyes right now. I know that if I do, I might tell him everything that's happening right now. Also... if I do tell him about it, he might get affected, too.
He, himself, is still healing right now. He's still healing from his breakup with Andre, and he's been trying to forget the trauma that he had from what Andre did to him before. He's also been seeing a doctor since December for his therapy because of that ti.
He's not entirely in a great condition right now, so I don't want to make him feel worse as he is already.
It's not like things won't get better sooner or later, so I'll just swallow everything and handle this by myself for now.
"Your birthday is coming up, Jus. Wanna hang out?" He changed the topic as he bead at .
My birthday...
I'm planning on telling Tristan about my pregnancy on my birthday.
"Oh, I don't think I can hang out after class. Let's eat lunch together instead," I smiled at him. "Okie-dokie!" He replied and sipped on his juice again.
I giggled at his response. "Okie-dokie? You've never used that term before. Did you get that from Lucas?" I said as I chuckled. "Ugh, damn it. Yes. That guy is like so kind of contagious disease. It's like the longer I hang out with him, the more stupid and weirder I beco," Daryl said as he frowned.
I laughed at what he said. "Ah, yes, yes. I totally understand that," I said as I tried to stop myself from laughing harder.
I looked at his face and saw that he was looking sowhere else. "Dar, what are you looking at?" I asked as I turned to see what it was. Before I could see what he was looking at, he cupped my cheeks and moved my head so I could face him.
"I saw a UFO," he said as he chuckled.
"UFO my ass," I said as I removed his hands from my face. "What were you looking at?" I said as I quickly turned my head to the direction where he was eyeing earlier.
As soon as I saw what it was, my heart dropped.
Tristan... What is he doing here with soone else?
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