After learning the truth from Li Chuntao, Mu Jianyu had started to lose his mind. Every day was torture for him as his guilt and remorse continued to eat him from the inside. Several thoughts crossed his mind, imagining how his wife suffered because of him and how she had endured it all in silence.
Mu Jianyu wanted to scream, wanted to hurt himself for subjecting Li Xiuying to such pain. He missed her so badly. It was a different kind of heartache, knowing the person you wanted to see was totally out of your reach.
The mories he shared with her continued to play in his mind. Her smile, her voice, her familiar comforting scent haunted every second of his waking mont. Mu Jianyu didn't think he would be able to continue like this any longer.
His need to see his wife clouded his judgnt. A part of him wanted to deny reality and not accept that Li Xiuying was truly dead, but his logical mind kept telling him that soone like Li Chuntao, who dearly loved her twin sister, wouldn't joke about Li Xiuying's death.
He must have lost his mind to think that this was a prank that the Li twins ca up with to spite him. But Ying couldn't be dead… she shouldn't… he refused to accept that she was gone, that he'd already lost the only woman who truly loved him.
Mu Jianyu drove frantically towards the scene of the accident, wanting to see the place where he'd lost his angel. He tried to convince himself that this wasn't happening to him, that Ying's accident didn't take her life, but what more proof did he need to see before he could accept the reality that she was truly gone?
It would have been better if he was the one who died, not her. He was the one who wronged his wife, but why did Ying have to pay for his sins? He would willingly accept his punishnt, but not like this… it shouldn't have turned out like this.
It was really unfair that Ying had to lose her life for him to realize his mistakes. It should have been him, not her. Her death equates to losing his reason for living, to lose his life.
The weather seed to sympathize with him as the sky began to its incessant downpour. It had been raining for days and most people tried to avoid going outside at this ti. Was the heavens crying with him or crying as it took back one of its angels? Mu Jianyu wondered.
It took him an hour of driving before he reached the site. Mu Jianyu stepped out of his car, ignoring how the rain started soaking him the mont he ca out. His eyes scanned the area before forcing his trembling legs to look down at the raging river below him.
His mind trying to imagine how scared his wife was facing death like this. Mu Jianyu was aware that Li Xiuying couldn't swim and had a phobia of drowning, caused by an incident in her childhood years. Li Xiuying must have really been scared when her car fell into the water.
His tears ran down his face alongside the raindrops that poured on him. The sky was consud in nurous shades of grey, white and black. It looked like the sun had given up on trying to break through this iron curtain of clouds and had beco content to lounging out behind them.
"Ying…" Mu Jianyu uttered the na of his beloved with teary eyes.
If this was a dream, he hoped that soone would wake him up because he couldn't continue living knowing Ying wasn't in this world anymore. Couldn't he get another chance to make up to her? Was there really no chance for him to rectify his mistakes?
'Let's get divorced.'
'I simply don't love you anymore.'
How cruel was he to his angel? The woman whom he swore to love for the rest of his life? He was the worst husband and father on earth for causing Li Xiuying and their unborn child to lose their lives!
It didn't matter if Lin irong had or had not seduced him, he should have been brave enough to confess his drunken mistake to his wife and avoided Lin irong at all cost! It was useless to push the bla on Lin irong since the woman was already dead. In the end, he was the one who'd been unfaithful to his wife.
Mu Jianyi held the railing tightly, his face one with a pained expression. This ti, he didn't bother to stop his tears from flowing. The pain in his chest almost left him breathless. He could feel that not only his strength was leaving his body, but his will to live as well.
What's the point of living if he'd already lost Ying and their child? No matter what he did to make up for it, Ying and their child's lives would never return.
"A year has already passed and your remains are laid sowhere in peace Ying, but I am not.. I'm not at peace. I am lost in ti, I seek after your light. I am blinded by the tears in my eyes. This pain continues to abuse everyday knowing that you aren't here anymore."
"Ying… can you forgive ? Can you forgive this useless husband of yours?"
There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but Mu Jianyu knew that it would never reach her. The emptiness in his heart, the numbness pounding his brain, the salty tears that flowed unchecked from his eyes, the sheer nothingness that now took hold of his soul threatened to engulf him entirely.
He never got to tell her he loved her one last ti. He didn't get to hold her close before she slipped away, never even got to look into her loving, beautiful face, which had always brought him so much happiness in their early days.
"Ying… Please wait for ."
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