Frozen stiff, Koi could only listen as Ashley continued speaking.
"Koi, you're rejecting ... but that's impossible. Because you love . Right? The only person you love is , right?"
Ashley smiled. It was the sa pure, bright smile he had always had when he was a boy, and Koi’s eyes stung with the urge to cry.
"That's not it."
Koi barely held back his tears as he spoke.
"I wasn’t trying to reject you. You know how I feel. My whole life, there’s only ever been you. I only ever loved you."
A tear, which had been trembling at the edge of his eye, finally fell. Koi blinked quickly, trying to focus as he continued.
"The reason you couldn’t sll my pheromones... it’s because I was inexperienced. I just couldn’t control it. I didn’t even know when I was emitting a scent and when I wasn’t. Isn’t that obvious? I can’t sll it myself."
Rubbing his eyes with his arm to wipe away the tears, Koi added, almost lanting,
"How could I have purposely controlled it? All I ever wanted was... for you not to hate . Because... you’d have seizures when you slled oga pheromones."
Koi took Ashley’s hand and pressed it to his lips, confessing:
"The only person I love is you. I've loved you my whole life."
"I know," Ashley said, smiling again.
"My father, Bernice, they were all wrong. See? You ca. Koi would never abandon . For Koi, it’s only . Right?"
Just like it's only you for .
"Ash."
Koi called his na, holding back a sob. But he couldn’t say anything more. What was there to say? How could he heal Ashley’s wounds? What could he possibly do?
What should I do?
Unable to bear it, Koi hugged Ashley tightly. How do I emit pheromones? He should have asked Angel that. Instead, like an idiot, he had only asked how to suppress them.
〈You put yourself under hypnosis.〉
Angel’s words suddenly ca back to him, smiling as he taught him the spell to suppress pheromones. If it was possible to suppress them, wasn’t the opposite possible too?
Desperately, Koi shut his eyes tight. Please. If I can really emit pheromones — no, I can emit them — Please, let them co out. Let Ashley feel how I feel.
Please.
"I love you, Ash."
He whispered so earnestly it almost hurt. And then, suddenly, he felt sothing strange. A tingling sensation at his fingertips made him freeze. He had never felt anything like it before. His heart raced, and his pulse roared in his ears. His vision grew dazzlingly bright. Koi's eyes widened in surprise.
*
The fog in his mind slowly began to clear. Ashley lifted his head at the strange feeling. The surroundings were still empty. Looking around the deserted station once more, he turned to his side.
Koi was looking up at him.
Seeing his face, Ashley smiled in relief and hugged him.
It’s okay. Koi is here.
By my side.
With a deep sense of peace, Ashley slowly opened his eyes.
Koi’s face ca into view — blurred, hazy.
He blinked several more tis to clear his vision, and the image gradually sharpened.
Frowning slightly, Ashley stared.
It was Koi, but at the sa ti... not quite.
Tears welled up in Koi’s eyes and stread down his cheeks. The world snapped into focus.
Koi is crying.
Ashley blinked, dazed.
How strange. Why is he crying all of a sudden?
And until just now, they had been at the train station together — but this was clearly sowhere completely different.
He realized he was lying down, his head resting on Koi’s lap, in a place that looked like a closet.
But the most shocking thing was Koi’s face.
In just an instant, he had grown — he looked so much more mature. Ashley’s mind whirled in confusion.
But it didn’t take him long to figure it out.
"Ash!"
Koi cried out in alarm.
But Ashley had already bolted upright and backed away. The wary, sharp expression he wore left no doubt: Ashley was fully conscious now.
Tears welled up again in Koi’s eyes.
"Ash, are you okay?"
Koi hurriedly wiped his tears with his arm, overjoyed.
"Thank God... I was so worried... You’re okay now, right? You’re really back, right?"
He kept asking, but Ashley didn’t answer. Instead, frowning, he looked around, then turned his gaze away and asked coldly,
"What’s going on? Why are you here?"
The sharp tone hurt, but Koi forced himself to answer calmly.
"Miss Bernice told ."
Taking a deep breath, he confessed.
"She said you’d be here... and that if I asked you now, you’d tell everything."
He tried not to cry again, but his voice trembled.
"I didn’t know you were still waiting for ... there."
Ashley said nothing. He simply ran his fingers through his hair, his expression tangled.
It was strange.
Normally after a seizure like that, his head would be foggy, mories a jumbled ss. But now, everything was crisp. His body felt lighter than it had in years.
What had happened?
Thinking that far, he froze.
A scent he hadn't noticed before reached him, waking sothing deep inside.
Fresh and soft.
The scent filled the air around him like a gentle embrace.
Oga pheromones.
"......!"
Instinctively, Ashley clapped his hand over his mouth and nose. His heart raced wildly, his pulse erratic.
He braced himself for the nausea, the pain that always followed... But it didn’t co.
Of course it didn’t.
Because the owner of this scent was the one he had yearned for all his life. Slowly, Ashley lowered his hand. Koi watched him closely, imdiately understanding.
"Ash."
Koi called him, unable to hide the tremor of excitent in his voice.
"Can you feel it? My pheromones? I did it?"
He couldn't sll it himself — but Ashley’s reaction said it all. However, while Koi was overwheld with joy, Ashley’s expression was completely different.
He had no doubt now — it was oga pheromones. Ashley could admit that much.
And he knew Koi was an oga, that Koi’s scent didn’t trigger seizures. But sothing else entirely was happening now. Sothing he couldn’t accept. He stared at his hand in disbelief, then looked up at the ceiling, then ran his hand through his hair again. Nothing changed. He knew this feeling. The refreshing clarity he had felt the morning after he first slept with Koi. He had thought it was just from getting a good night’s sleep. But he had been wrong.
〈Koi is a Supre Oga.〉
Ariel’s voice echoed in his mind. Ashley finally understood. He opened his mouth — then closed it again — before finally forcing the words out, his voice trembling for a completely different reason than Koi’s.
"You... took my pheromones?"
Koi’s face stiffened in shock. Ashley didn't stop.
"You took my pheromones, didn’t you?!"
His harsh voice made Koi flinch. Ashley was genuinely furious. Koi had never seen him like this and panicked, not understanding. Trying to lift the corners of his mouth into a smile, Koi said weakly,
"I... I don’t really know... Anyway, you're feeling better, right? That’s what matters, isn’t it? And you can sll my pheromones now, right? So... you believe now? Right?"
He kept asking, but Ashley didn’t answer. Instead, the despair on his face deepened, and Koi felt a sudden surge of fear.
"Ash, what’s wrong?"
He tried to joke, forcing a shaky laugh.
"Everything’s fine now, right? I’m emitting pheromones, so we’re okay now, right?"
He cautiously reached out his hand. But Ashley flinched back again, retreating until he hit the wall. Pressing his back against it, he stared at Koi with hollow eyes.
"Fine?"
Ashley sneered.
"You think I’ll fall for it again?"
"W-what?"
Koi could only stamr in shock. Ashley’s cold voice cut through him.
"You’ll just abandon again when you find soone else more pitiful. It doesn’t matter."
"Ash."
Koi called him, but Ashley’s expression didn’t change.
His face twisted in a bitter mixture of distrust and self-loathing.
Because I have to be miserable. Only if I’m broken beyond repair will you stay with .
"Why do you keep saying things like that?"
Koi’s voice broke as he tried to hold back his tears.
But Ashley felt no pity. Instead, he felt a sharp thrill.
Pity was fine. Sympathy was fine.
"I beca an oga, ca all this way to be with you, so why won’t you believe ? What do I have to do...?"
Koi kept asking, tearfully.
Looking at him, Ashley thought:
No matter what Koi promised, he wouldn’t be able to believe him. There was only one way left. No — there had only ever been one.
"I wanted to get revenge on you," Ashley said quietly.
Koi froze.
Ashley continued,
"If I destroyed myself, you, with your kind heart, would suffer. You’d regret ruining for the rest of your life."
A faint, empty smile crossed Ashley’s lips.
"That was my revenge. For you abandoning ⊛ Nоvеlιght ⊛ (Read the full story) ."
Ahahaha — a laugh mixed with bitterness echoed emptily through the room. Ashley tilted his head back and laughed and laughed. Since that day, Ashley had never drained his pheromones again. He hadn’t slept with anyone. He hadn’t even taken suppressants. He had simply watched himself, his brain, his body, fall apart. And he had been happy doing it. Ah — that was everything to . But the laughter didn’t last long. Ashley stared blankly up at the ceiling. But you ruined my revenge.
"Ash."
Koi called him with a trembling voice. Ashley only moved his gaze to look at him. Seeing Koi’s tear-streaked, crumpled face, he chuckled quietly. You realized too soon. You should’ve realized after I went completely insane.
How can I hold onto you now? How can I make you suffer and regret even more?
"Bernice said it, didn’t she? That my brain is broken, that I’m crazy."
"She didn’t exactly say it like that..."
"She’s wrong."
Ashley spoke calmly.
"I was already crazy the mont I thought about getting revenge."
He was still smiling — but to Koi, it looked like he was crying. And because of that, Koi couldn’t cry himself. How could he cry in front of soone who couldn’t even cry anymore?
Ashley added, almost like he was asking himself,
"How could I have been sane? You abandoned ."
If he could, he would have shackled Koi to him. Forced him to wait all day, only for him. Filled his entire world with nothing but thoughts of Ashley. Made him unable to live without Ashley.
If only he could do that — if only.
"Koi, there’s only you in my life," Ashley murmured.
"The only thing I had, the only thing I ever wanted, was you."
"Ash..."
"But now even that’s over."
Ashley smiled again. Koi could only stand there, unable to say anything, watching him crumble.
"...Stupid."
That was all Koi could whisper. He reached out a trembling hand. Ashley didn’t move. Maybe because there was nowhere left to run. Koi gently pulled him into an embrace. The tears he had been holding back finally flowed down his cheeks. Ashley leaned his head against Koi’s chest, rembering what the doctor had said.
〈It’s irreversible now. He’ll keep deteriorating.〉
Then the part of that loves you — will it disappear?
Then what will be left of ? Can soone who doesn’t love you even exist?
"Back then..."
Koi whispered above him, almost answering his unspoken question.
"I’ll rember you. I’ll love you."
Koi kept whispering, like a spell.
"More than myself, more than anything in this world, forever, for the rest of my life, I’ll rember you and love you."
Koi loosened his embrace and cradled Ashley’s cheeks with both hands, looking into his eyes. Into those deep, violet eyes. Koi smiled faintly. Even if you forget . Even if you don’t love anymore.
"The you that I love will still be here."
Koi closed his eyes and kissed Ashley’s lips. Ashley closed his eyes too and opened his mouth. His arms, hesitant at first, finally wrapped around Koi’s waist, pulling him closer. Koi happily wound his arms around Ashley’s neck, deepening the kiss. Inside the closet, it was just the two of them.
In this world, only the two of them existed.
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