Kaleidoscope of Death by Xi Zixu
Tan Zaozao ca to visit and asked after Ruan Nanzhu with heartfelt care. The entire ti however, Ruan Nanzhu pretty much blew her off.
How was your fourth door? Lin Qiushi asked casually as he sat on the side with nothing to do.
My fourth door? Tan Zaozao scratched at her head. Alright, I guess She didnt seem keen on talking about the world of the doors, quickly circumventing the topic.
Seeing this, Lin Qiushi didnt ask any further either.
The television hanging on the hospital wall would occasionally play one of Tan Zaozaos perfu comrcials. Onscreen, her noble glamor looked completely beyond this world. Lin Qiushi eyed the comrcials, then eyed the woman scrunched up next to Ruan Nanzhu, who had her face buried in a mango and yellow fruit flesh sared all over her mouth. He fell into a peculiar silence.
Tan Zaozao clearly guessed Lin Qiushis thoughts from his expression, and bellowed, stop staring, its all fake anyways!
Lin Qiushi, oh
Tan Zaozao peered at Lin Qiushi, and asked with malice: Are there any stars youre a particularly big fan of?
Lin Qiushi answered frankly: No. He didnt do the fan thing.
Tan Zaozao, disappointed, thats a sha. I couldve gotten you an autograph or sothing. I mightve even had gossip to completely ruin your image of that person
As they chatted, a breaking news report appeared on the TV, saying so star had a car accident on his way to a concert and died on the scene. It even showed footage of an awful car crash.
Tan Zaozao, whod been working on her mango, suddenly looked up, seeming lost.
He
Ruan Nanzhu, lying on the bed, asked quietly, you knew him?
Tan Zaozao nodded.
She put down the mango in her hand and spoke lowly, he seems to be soone from the doors too. We fild a comrcial together, but we werent close or anything
Lin Qiushi watched Tan Zaozao, whose mood had clearly fallen.
Then he began to have all these accidents. Tan Zaozao talked, speaking quite slowly. During a concert, a light fell from directly above his head, but he only had minor injuries. And other things as well. I had my suspicions then
Maybe it really is just an accident? Lin Qiushi frowned. It might not be the doors
Its probably the doors, Tan Zaozao sighed, clearly down. Im heading out. Take care of yourselves.
Despite seeing her like this, Lin Qiushi didnt know how to make her feel better. In the end he could only watch her hurry off.
Ruan Nanzhus expression remained calm the entire ti Tan Zaozao was leaving. Lin Qiushi said, shes okay, right?
Ruan Nanzhu, shes fine. Shell be over it in a couple of days.
Lin Qiushi had always thought of Tan Zaozao as quite an optimistic person. To see her break down so unexpectedly like this
Even though before the actual breakdown, shed taken off.
Faced with Lin Qiushis lack of comprehension, Ruan Nanzhu asked, with so surfacing exasperation: Youve really never liked anybody in particular?
Lin Qiushi thought carefully, then slowly but surely shook his head.
No. My familys never been close. As far as I recall Yeah, Ive never really liked anyone.
Since youth, the number of friends he had could be counted on two hands. It was precisely because of this that he had been able to leave behind his hotown to co work here with little hesitation.
But girls must have liked you. Ruan Nanzhu spoke with absolute certainty. Unless youve never received a confession before?
Ruan Nanzhu didnt believe at all that with his personality and appearance, Lin Qiushi hadnt been well-received by won.
Well sure, Ive received confessions, but I turned them all down, Lin Qiushi answered.
Ruan Nanzhu, how co?
Lin Qiushi, because I couldnt give them what they wanted.
Ruan Nanzhu frowned. How did you know you couldnt?
Lin Qiushi quieted for a while, before answering softly, because I didnt like them.
Ruan Nanzhu couldnt help a laugh: Youre self-aware.
Lin Qiushi smiled. I couldnt delay their lives, theyre all good won.
Lin Qiushi was indeed a warm person. If he t soone who needed help, he would do all he could to provide aid. But his kindness wasnt limitless either. To put it bluntly, he would never help others by sacrificing himself; he had a thorough comprehension of his own capabilities, and would never request others to do things outside of the scopes of their abilities either.
A kind, clever person who knew how to accurately assess the situation was bound to be attractive.
Ruan Nanzhu slowly closed his eyes. The things that attracted him to Lin Qiushi however, didnt stop there.
Seeing Ruan Nanzhu shut his eyes, Lin Qiushi thought he must be tired. He stood up from the bedside and quietly left the hospital room. As he did so he spotted Cheng Qianli, who was just coming back with the washed lychees.
Why are you out here? Cheng Qianli asked.
Dont go in, Lin Qiushi said. Hes resting now. Zaozaos left too.
Cheng Qianli, oh, then what about the lychee?
Lin Qiushi glanced at it.
Just leave it. Bring it in when he wakes up, or just eat it yourself.
Cheng Qianli, nah, I wont. Ruan-ge seems to really like lychee.
At this, Lin Qiushi was suddenly curious.
What else does he like, besides lychee?
He had been living together with Ruan Nanzhu for a while now, but still knew little to nothing about Ruan Nanzhus likes and dislikes.
Cheng Qianli, what he likes? He likes plenty of things. He looked at the lychee, then looked at Lin Qiushi. He seems to like you a lot too.
Lin Qiushi, what, and he doesnt like you?
Cheng Qianli giggled, hehehe true that, cause Im adorable.
Lin Qiushi thought oh, youre really just shaless.
During the ti of Ruan Nanzhus convalescence, many people from other organizations ca to visit. Well, they said visit. To gather information was more accurate. After all, a ten-door top honcho like Ruan Nanzhu was a rare sight to see.
White Deers Li Dongyuan ca by without any sense of sha as well. Though Ruan Nanzhu agreed to let him in, Ruan Nanzhu didnt spare him any kind looks the entire ti.
Lin Qiushi was seated by Ruan Nanzhus bedside, peeling lychees for him to eat. Hed part his mouth ever-so-slightly for the milky fruit to pass between his pale lips. Then, after so neat chewing, hed open his mouth again and Lin Qiushi would bring the plate over to catch the black seed his tongue pushed out out.
This entire eating process was exceedingly elegant. Watching Ruan Nanzhu, Lin Qiushi suddenly understood what Tan Zaozao had ant when she said beautiful people ought to eat lychee.
Li Dongyuan sat just beside him, all friendly grins on that baby face of his. He really was very different outside the door. He said, Nanzhu ah
Ruan Nanzhu shot him a glare from out the corner of his eyes.
So Li Dongyuan could only change his tune: Ruan-ge, Ruan-ge, are you doing well?
Ruan Nanzhu, you cant see for yourself? Say what you ca to say.
Li Dongyuan turned and glanced at Lin Qiushi.
Ruan Nanzhu understood his aning, gaze shuttering.
No need to keep it from him.
Li Dongyuan, Im going into my ninth door soon, so you know, is there
Ruan Nanzhu, no. Get out.
Li Dongyuan,
Lin Qiushi wanted to laugh, but thought itd be inappropriate. So he kept his head down and pretended to be very seriously peeling lychee.
Dont be so an. Li Dongyuan had begun to pout. Im not even holding it against you, you know, the ti when you pretended to be my lover Zhu ng.
With those big watery eyes of his, Lin Qiushi was reminded of Cheng Qianlis husky
But Ruan Nanzhu had a heart of steel and was utterly unmoved. He didnt even appear shocked when Li Dongyuan called out his identity like that.
Dont waste my ti. Talk business.
Li Dongyuan, I heard you had a hint for the ninth door though
Ruan Nanzhus lips moved into sothing that wasnt quite a smile.
Heard?
Li Dongyuan, fuck man, I really did! Theyre all saying it.
It was at this point that Lin Qiushi suddenly recalled that Ruan Nanzhu had already passed his tenth door. Didnt that an he likely already had a hint to the eleventh door? What could it be like? Was there sothing different about it than all the other doors?
So? Ruan Nanzhu stared at him.
So, will you sell the hint? Li Dongyuan finally said what brought him here today.
Ruan Nanzhu turned him down without any hesitation: No way.
Li Dongyuan, na any price, as long as I can afford it
Hints to the ninth door were too scarce; even he hadnt been able to obtain one.
Only Ruan Nanzhu, the crazy bastard, could get his hands on two.
Ruan Nanzhu ate the lychee fed to him. Didnt answer.
Seeing Ruan Nanzhus attitude, Li Dongyuan beca a bit agitated. He said, thirteen days from now is my limit before going in, I dont have that much ti.
Ruan Nanzhu, werent you having a great ti jacking my custors? Telling them I got here on looks alone? His lips were smiling but his eyes were cold. And now youve learned to beg ?
Li Dongyuan began to awkwardly laugh.
My bad, my bad. Here, how about I service you for a night and you be the bigger person and forget all about it?
Ruan Nanzhu pointed at the door.
Get out.
Li Dongyuan looked aggrieved.
Lin Qiushi thought, youre really going overboard. You want the hint, fine, but you also want to take advantage of our boss? You totally deserve to get kicked out.
I can give you a hint to the ninth door, Ruan Nanzhu said, but I have a condition.
Li Dongyuan, what condition?
Ruan Nanzhu, you go into the tenth door with him.
At this, Li Dongyuan startled. He glanced at Lin Qiushi.
Youre not
Ruan Nanzhu, I am.
Li Dongyuans expression changed imdiately.
Are you insane?!
Ruan Nanzhu was already testy.
Agree or get out, dont sit here wasting my ti.
Li Dongyuan continued to look stormy, but in the end bit the bullet and agreed to go into the tenth door with Lin Qiushi. Judging from his face though, there was more that he wanted to say, but refrained since Lin Qiushi was still present.
Lin Qiushi stood up and said he was going to go wash his hands.
Ruan Nanzhu didnt stop him this ti.
But when Lin Qiushi ca back from the bathroom, he heard Ruan Nanzhu and Li Dongyuan arguing. Li Dongyuan stood no chance against Ruan Nanzhu though, and ended up slamming his way out the door in a fit of anger. When he spotted Lin Qiushi, he even shot Lin Qiushi a glare.
As Lin Qiushi stood baffled by this glare, Li Dongyuan spoke: Watch out for yourself then! If Zhu ng whips it out itll definitely be bigger than yours!
Lin Qiushi, I already know hes bigger than , dont need the reminder thanks.
He returned to the room and saw Ruan Nanzhu sitting expressionless on the bed. So he said, what got you two arguing all of a sudden?
Ruan Nanzhu scoffed, soone wanted to make all these accusations about . He thinks hes worthy?
Lin Qiushi, youre still not feeling well, dont be angry. Then, warmly, what do you want to eat tonight?
Ruan Nanzhu leaned against the bed.
Porridge. Made by you.
Lin Qiushi didnt take Li Dongyuan storming off that day to heart because he thought, between Li Dongyuan and them, there would still be ti for all sorts of stories, whether good or bad. But Lin Qiushi didnt imagine that that day would be the last ti hed ever see Li Dongyuan.
The morning thirteen days later, Ruan Nanzhu, who was out of the hospital, received a phone call. Everybody in the mansion was gathered for breakfast. After he hung up, his expression went blank for just a mont. And then he opened his mouth and said, Li Dongyuan is dead.
The chattering crowd suddenly went quiet. Everybody heard what Ruan Nanzhu said.
First chewing on a bun, Cheng Qianli also stopped.
Ah, he said, then asked what everybody was wanting to ask, Ruan-ge, what are you saying Li Dongyuan, as in White Deers Li Dongyuan?
Ruan Nanzhu made a noise of confirmation and stood.
I have to head over.
Lin Qiushi said, Ill go with you.
Though Ruan Nanzhu was out of the hospital, he had yet to fully heal; even now, there was a pallor to his face. Lin Qiushi worried that if anything happened to Ruan Nanzhu out there, his body wouldnt be able to take it.
Okay, Ruan Nanzhu agreed to Lin Qiushis accompanint.
Lin Qiushi quickly changed and got into the car with Ruan Nanzhu.
After announcing a destination, Ruan Nanzhu sat in the passengers seat with his eyes shut to rest. His face was pale, and with his long, raven-dark lashes lightly fluttering, he had, in the air about him, a touch of fragility. But this fragility seed just as likely to be Lin Qiushis imagination.
Was Ruan Nanzhu grieving? No. Lin Qiushi thought the upset he emanated was more like commiseration. The fox mourning for the dead rabbit.[1] Ruan Nanzhu hated Li Dongyuan, but hardly wanted Li Dongyuan to just die like thisbecause seeing this happen to Li Dongyuan, it was difficult not to think of it happening to themselves.
Lin Qiushi rembered that last ti he saw Li Dongyuan, a bit over ten days ago, and he exhaled for a long while, as if he wanted to breathe out that entire mass of smothering air in his chest.
After a forty-minute drive, they ca to an apartnt building in the city.
Lin Qiushi first thought that White Deer was headquartered in one of the apartnts. Only after they arrived did he learn that White Deer had bought out the entire building.
There were many people gathered out front. Lin Qiushi had a bad feeling when he saw this. After he parked, they went over to the gathered crowd and saw, unsurprisingly, what everyone was surrounding.
A body, smashed to smithereens. Its face could no longer be made out, but from its clothing and general appearance, this fallen corpse was recognizably Li Dongyuan.
This wasnt Lin Qiushis first ti seeing a dead body in real life, but this was the first ti soone familiar to them was just dead like this. He glanced to his side at Ruan Nanzhu. Ruan Nanzhu still maintained his placid expressiononly, there was a teeming light in those dark eyes of his, like the tossing of fathomless lakes.
A womans cries started. A teenage girl burst out from the crowd, fell to her knees beside Li Dongyuans corpse, and began to wail. She even tried to gather Li Dongyuans tattered body into her arms.
Those around the girl stopped her, and pulled her away from Li Dongyuans body by force.
Lin Qiushi looked around them, and found so people quietly whispering, so people looking on with numb eyes and pained expressions. These ought to be the mbers of White Deer.
A beautiful woman approached Ruan Nanzhu, and spoke lowly to him, Mr. Ruan, hello.
Hello Ms. Jin, Ruan Nanzhu said.
Call by na, Jin Yurui. The woman seed to want to smile at Ruan Nanzhu, but it ca out stiff. The corners of her mouth made their way up by force, and looked very laborious. From now on, Ill be taking over White Deers internal affairs.
Reading between the lines, she was to be White Deers next leader.
Mh. Ruan Nanzhu nodded his understanding. Then, after so silence, he suddenly added, you dont have to smile if you dont want to.
Jin Yuruis smile imdiately faded. She took a deep breath, as if to get a grip on her emotions. Then, hoarsely, she spoke: Co inside, Mr. Ruan.
Ruan Nanzhu nodded and headed for the apartnt, Lin Qiushi behind him.
In the lobby of the apartnt building stood six people. Plus those outside, White Deer likely had about twenty or so mbers.
Jin Yurui began to announce the things Li Dongyuan had already prepared before death. The whole process went by quietly.
But in this quiet, Lin Qiushi sensed a surging undercurrent. In the group, so didnt seem pleased with Jin Yurui as the successor. However, when their gazes fell on Ruan Nanzhu, they seed surprisingly wary of this outsider.
Lin Qiushi suddenly understood why Ruan Nanzhu ca. He was here to quell one last upset for Li Dongyuan.
Jin Yurui was now White Deers next leader. She had just passed her eighth door, and there was still so ti before her ninth.
But clearly, White Deers mbers werent as satisfied with her as they had been with Li Dongyuan.
Ruan Nanzhu had certainly noticed as well. But he wasnt planning on interfering with White Deers matters, and so only sat silently to the side.
Lin Qiushi watched his awful pallor and thought he must be uncomfortable by now. Concerned, Lin Qiushi thought for a bit. Then he pulled out a piece of candy and snuck it into Ruan Nanzhus hand.
Ruan Nanzhu glanced back at him montarily, before nodding lightly. He unwrapped the candy, and slowly placed it in his mouth.
The flavor of the candy was sweet, and washed away a certain sense of discomfort. Ruan Nanzhu sat in that lobby for a long ti, until Jin Yurui was finished delegating matters.
The group in the lobby began to disperse. In the end, the three of them were left.
Jin Yurui looked up with a pained smile. Thank you Mr. Ruan. If you hadnt been here, I dont know what I wouldve done.
Ruan Nanzhu stood, and said, I can only do this much. The rest of the road you have to walk on your own.
Jin Yurui nodded. She was no fragile flower on tendrils; though faced with the winds she swayed a bit, in the end, she would withstand the storm herself.
Well be off then, Ruan Nanzhu said.
Mr. Ruan wont stay for dinner? Jin Yurui asked politely.
No thank you. Ruan Nanzhu declined the sentint, and said, Ill co again after hes been buried.
Jin Yurui didnt force the matter either, nodding and showing Ruan Nanzhu and Lin Qiushi to the door.
Li Dongyuans corpse had already been cleaned up. Only a bloodstain on the ground was left to tell the world what had transpired here.
In a few days, this stain would be gone as well. At White Deer, people ca and went. Perhaps they would all very soon forget that there had ever been a leader nad Li Dongyuan.
The entire way here, Ruan Nanzhu didnt look well.
It was only on their way back, sitting in the drivers seat, that Lin Qiushi noticed sothing was wrong. He asked, Nanzhu, are your wounds okay?
He could faintly sll blood in the air. At first, Lin Qiushi had thought it was because of Lin Qiushi. But even now Lin Qiushi could sll it.
Im fine. Ruan Nanzhu was leaning tilted against the door.
Lin Qiushi didnt believe he was fine at all, and frowned.
Let take a look.
Ruan Nanzhu, no.
Lin Qiushi startled. He didnt think Ruan Nanzhu would refuse him so plainly.
Lets go ho first, Ruan Nanzhu said. Imdiately after, his eyes drifted shut in apparent exhaustion.
Worried, Lin Qiushi couldnt help but drive a bit faster.
So tens of minutes later, they got back to the mansion, and Ruan Nanzhu finally dragged his eyes open. Lin Qiushi quickly took hold of him and helped him inside. Once he was in bed, Lin Qiushi very naturally sat down beside him, taking a corner of Ruan Nanzhus shirt in hand.
Ruan Nanzhu glanced up at him.
What are you doing?
Lin Qiushi, Im taking a look at your back
The wounds were the worst on Ruan Nanzhus back.
Tilting his head to the side, Ruan Nanzhu kept eyeing Lin Qiushi.
Can you not look?
Lin Qiushi frowned.
No.
He thought that Ruan Nanzhus wounds had for sure reopened.
Ruan Nanzhu gave this so thought.
Then give a piece of candy.
Lin Qiushi fished out a piece of candy, unwrapped it, and popped it in Ruan Nanzhus mouth.
Go ahead, Ruan Nanzhu mumbled around the candy. Theres not much to see really
Lin Qiushi lifted Ruan Nanzhus shirt and unsurprisingly, he found the wounds reopened. Blood trickled down his back and seeped into his clothing.
Brows furrowed, Lin Qiushi, this isnt good. We have to go to the hospital.
Ruan Nanzhu stopped moving, his breaths evening out.
Glancing up, Lin Qiushi sighed.
And now youre faking sleep?
Ruan Nanzhu still wasnt talking.
Exasperated, Lin Qiushi could only get up to go grab so gauze. As he cleaned simply around Ruan Nanzhus wounds, he was still nagging, we have to go to the hospital tomorrow morning.
With a vague sound of acknowledgent, Ruan Nanzhu once again closed his eyes. He really was a bit tired, and wanted to get so actual rest.
Authors Note:
The feelings are here, is it exciting enough /author proudly puffs up her chest
Translators Note:
The fox mourning for the dead rabbit / (t s h bi). This is a direct translation of the chengyu. Both the rabbit and the fox are prey of the hunter, so the fox mourns the dead rabbit as it fears for its own fate. Translating chengyu is fun, because sotis it requires sacrificing the imagery to convey the aning concisely, or sotis you can choose to put both.
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