In the previous chapter…
After Slade pleased his ladies, he could not fall asleep.
[collapse]
In the sovereign’s bedroom, Slade kept turning around in an empty pot after getting knocked out by the ladies’ ravenous lust.
The won had fallen asleep before he recovered, leaving him to his own devices.
Slade felt unsettled about having such a relaxed free ti. He used to explore the cave while Milia was stuck under rocks, or take care of Violet and the witches while they recovered.
He glanced at Violet’s face, sleeping at his side. I really can’t underestimate them.
A goofy smile plastered her face, with a trickle of drool dripping from her mouth. It froze Slade with the alien feelings that he watched sothing so precious that the re act of looking had to be done cautiously. Her smile was a treasure, rousing greed and possessiveness inside him.
Under the night’s solitude, he quietly resolved himself to do anything to protect it.
I will create the greatest town, a place where she can stand proud and free.
Violet was at a loss. She offered little to the world because her faction imposed strict roles on her such as sovereign or warlock, stifling her sensibilities and strengths.
Hence, Slade needed to free her from the Dungeon faction with the help of Griscent and tiva.
Thinking of tiva, our family is going to be huge…
Imagining babies and moms
[collapse]
His harpy chicks and gnoll pups were already on the way. He was so excited to shape a thriving ho for them. But with desire ca pain, digging at the gap between expectations and reality. How agonizing would the failures be? Perhaps he would run straight back to Violet’s chest at the slightest resistance.
Of course not. Griscent and Violet showed the light. If I trust myself and walk my path, bliss and happiness will fall into my hands so that I can withstand any pain.1"[...] A path that shall carry you beyond the darkest valley of pleasure. No matter where it leads you, it will grant the strength to withstand suffering." - Chapter 60
He had comforted Griscent that she differed from other beholders for the greater good of her species. But it was the sa for every individual, including him.2“That’s right. You’re not a defect, and that’s exactly why the pillars won’t remove you.” - Chapter 42
Like pieces of puzzles falling into places, Slade uncovered the secrets of his mind without relying on the mories of his previous life.
The ego was the crystallization of a strategy to survive and prosper, ensuring the success of the species. In a way, the aning of individual life was to carry out that inborn strategy. Equally addicting as hedonia, it was the true path to eudaimonia, and the reason Slade would not lose to a few hurdles on his way.
He embodied a human ego, carrying his preferences, decision making, values, strengths, and weaknesses from his past life.
But back on Earth, he didn’t have the strength to stand up and defend it. Instead, he had shut his heart off, dancing along with the whims of others, looking at the world with distant eyes. He had low self-esteem, not understanding the reason he was born for. He had no energy, his ego pushing him towards a radically opposite direction that his mindless feet carried him. He craved for pleasure, a blindfold to hide the pain of borrowing the shell of an ego that didn’t fit him. He grew vengeful and angry, wanting to break the world, just like it broke him.3He really wasn’t proud of himself. He couldn’t fit into his environnt, losing motivation before he could work his way up on the ladders of society.
- chapter 29
mories of lingering bitterness
[collapse]
This insecurity carried onto the new Slade. Events changed people, even if the mories of it faded away. A bent steel rod didn’t need to rember it was bent to stay warped. The details escaped his grasp, but those traits lingered in him like holes left behind thorns.
I can start again with a clean slate, with a new na.
Like a phoenix, Slade’s ego soared from ashes. It breathed life into his heart, infusing him with pride. It whispered to him that the values of others were petty, and it would fan the flas of wrath when his own values were trampled on.
But Slade knew better. Those manifestations of the ego only wanted to steer him towards his singular strategy, trying to dictate how he should gather and spend his resources.
Yes, the ego created problems. But no matter how incorrect it was, fulfilling its voice was a universal human’s birthright. If following the ego was the difference between getting stuck in Griscent’s limbo of pleasure and saving Violet, Slade would fucking take on the ego and all its problems head on.
Nobody could see into the future. Even a stupid sounding strategy could succeed where a beloved strategy failed. An ego was an individual stock in a diverse investnt portfolio of a species. Different egos had to act uncorrelated as intended, because that one silly ego could save the day.
The proactive Milia despised Violet’s passive policy.4That stinky granny doesn’t listen to anything we suggest. It hurts my ass to acknowledge, but even the birdbrain is more reliable than that wallflower.” - chapter 5 The rule-abiding Shaki foresaw the many ways the mine exploration could go wrong as Slade and Milia dragged her in.5"We can try a sneak attack but I recomnd turning back.” - Chapter 6 At the sa ti, Shaki obeyed hierarchy and followed Milia's lead without question. The careful Slade wanted to strangle Milia for smacking the pillar of eyes.6She slamd the flail into the tree, tearing a huge chunk of flesh. A fountain of blood sprung forth. - Chapter 16 The strategic Griscent disdained Slade’s willingness to surrender his freedom to Violet.7“Why are you so fixated on her? Can’t you bet on a winning horse rather than an old beat up sick one?” Griscent asked. - Chapter 27
Clashing Ego
[collapse]
Yet these strings of events that blatantly violated their ego led to a unique outco that could never happen if a single mber was missing.
In a ga of perfect information with its optimal solution exposed, anyone could bend to it. The ego was irrelevant and silent against truth. But reality plagued the living with the unknown, forcing all players into decisions with incomplete knowledge. The overwhelming hidden possibilities could cripple people into inaction. Yet, the confidence in the ego carried them through uncertainty.
This decisiveness was also short sightedness. Individuals running towards their doom as sacrificial lambs to dispel the unknown was a cruel fate, a sickening need to sustain the species. At other tis, that short-sightedness results in the most brilliant and inspiring breakthrough. Thus, life was a frustrating lottery to take part in.
Life was especially cruel when one had a losing ticket. Slade knew he had a love for dumb shit, like belly flopping into groups of beholders. It wasn’t exactly the most practical and useful survival strategy, was it? But thrown into the correct circumstances, even that stupid love for the dumb shit could shine. Slade wasn’t made to be efficient at all tis. His fate was to provide his strength for the tis it was needed.
mories of an ambush
[collapse]
No one chose how they were born, so there was no point in complaining about having a bad ego. All actions in the present required so faith in the future, and the ego was the compass to navigate through that world of unknown possibilities. Rejecting the ego was an unaffordable luxury.
When an individual stopped trusting their ego, how could they believe in tomorrow, or in their adequacy to exist?
Was it worth living by delegating all decisions to another party, and to beco a silent cog because their strengths and weaknesses made them inadequate?
Was it enjoyable to beco a hollow soul that survived by borrowing all thoughts from others? Perhaps it could work until it was ti to pay for the mistakes.
Who but Violet herself would ever pay for her wasted years of suffering following the wills of the Dungeon? Paying for the mistake of following soone else was such a bitter pill to swallow.
For these reasons, the Ego was hope.
It was both the guiding hand of fate towards happiness, and the fatal flaw bringing tragedy.
It was the prerequisite to enjoy life, pleasure and pain included. So Slade resolved to follow his ego without taking himself too seriously, because allowing others to cover his weaknesses would prevent tragedies. Surrounded by bright ladies with extraordinary minds, he didn’t worry about ruling Holloweye with his single flawed ego.
When Slade lost hope in Griscent’s illusion, the only reason he stood back on his feet was thanks to soone else -Tannhauser-.
mories of Tannhauser's advice
[collapse]
Going solo ant going yolo, so Griscent’s and tiva’s support were incredibly reassuring. But no amount of efforts could ever satisfy all citizens. The disappointing reality couldn’t compete with the ego’s sweet lies, painting a hypothetical perfect future where it was always right.
Hence, people always complained about sothing. Success wasn’t enough to calm the natural hatred people bore for those who carried a different ego. The high unrest of the Dungeon proved it.
Human, beholder, or gnoll… All needed a boundary to protect the resources and freedom needed to act the ego out. Slade wanted to create a town that could protect that birthright and help them see past their differences. He dread of a utopia that didn’t crush its citizens into a mold alongside their potential.
When I think about it. Isn’t that what Griscent tried to do for her beholders?
It was her original mission, the culminating desire born of the many years of obedience to sovereigns.
Slade finally realized this mission’s importance and why she was ready to face death in a defiant struggle against Violet.8“My goal was to protect and nurture the mind of my brethren… This cannot happen if a tyrannical sovereign used them as mindless tools,”
- Chapter 23
mories of negotiation with Griscent
[collapse]
Holloweye was his hope to create a place to stretch his ego’s wings. It filled him with an unbearable enthusiasm.
Thank you, Violet, for being alive and bringing here.
His cores bursting with feelings, he cald himself by diverting his attention towards mundane things. He fiddled with his status windows, avoiding any noise that would wake the girls.
Huh? What are those skills?
Preview chapter 67 with a disappointing cliffhanger
Slade itched to build his dream town right away, but he worried about the noise during the night.
His mind wandered off to the H.E.R.O. system that helped him access his strange skills. He recalled his pathetic stats, though nobody had explained to him what they ant.
He studied his new status window, only to be disappointed by the marginal increase of stats.
A ssy list caught his attention. It featured all of his skills, but new ones had appeared among them again.
Huh? What are those skills?
The ga-like system was too generous, throwing new powers at him in rapid-fire. But he didn’t recall doing any actions deserving of new abilities.
Rampant Lust? Does it turn into a berserk sex offender?
He had better avoid using it and assault the won in the middle of their sleep.
Slade scrolled the list while he thought about how disastrous that would be for his reputation, when his sli stump misclicked on it.
He jumped to the ceiling, toppling his pot on Lorely. Frozen stiff in free fall, he silently scread his brain out with horror.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO-
[collapse]
Reviews
All reviews (0)