*Sigh*...Mr. Eludo let make sure that I wrote down your testimony correctly. he pauses, looking over his papers again.
I nod back towards the man in a black business suit, awaiting the reiteration of my explanation
So your job is that of a Professional Summoned Hero? Asks the man, the other suited detective...I think his na is Todd, stays silent, glaring at as though I have been wasting their ti for the past several hours.
Correct, I reply.
When you think about it, naming a child Todd seems like sothing that a parent who was completely unprepared for a child would do. I an really, how hard can it truly be to give a child so kind of aweso epic na?
In this job you get summoned by gods to save people or destroy monsters and such. Correct? he asks again.
Yup.
Like really, just go online and literally search up epic nas and youre going to get nas like Beowulf or Asmodeus. Sothing amazing that would make everyone rember you. So in the future, your kid could tell people that his na is that of an epic historical hero or the na of a powerful demon lord.
And when your contract as a hero is finished, the god sends you back to earth with barely any ti having passed?
*Nod*
When you think about it, Ive done many heroic things in my twenty-eight summonings from earth.
When you return to earth they pay you by using their... godly power to create *Sigh* money and deposit it into your account. Is that correct?
Can you imagine, kids being nad after because of my heroics? No, that would kinda suck.
Um Mr. Eludo.
I wouldn't want so many people to be nad after . I an really, my na is rather unique.
Quasi Eludo?
Yup, Quasi Eludo, a very impressive na if you ask . Practically one of a kind. I think it ans to win through trickery or sothing. I wonder if its possible to make it even better.
Sir?
Yes, perfect! Maybe I could get knighted in England. Sir Quasi Eludo. Yup, even more heroic. I wonder what it would take to be knighted by the queen? That would be pretty impressive. Mayb-
YOUNG MAN, STOP IGNORING US! Todd yells out, startling his coworker next to him.
Young man? Im over seven thousand in ntal years. Sure my body might only be that of a twenty-five-year-old sexy piece of at, but I have a significant amount of life experience life experiences?
Todd, you don't need to yell. Were in my living room, I gesture with my hand around , showing my living room and the many naked statues of myself in masculine poses. I can very clearly hear you from across the table, I say, watching the big black suited man as he glares from the couch he is sitting on.
I have to admit he has the [I want to strangle you] look down pretty well.
My na isn't Todd, its Bob. he growls.
Wait! His na is Bob?
Oh you poor thing, I blurt out.
Shit! Did I just say that out loud?
Errr um sorry about being distracted. I have this bad tendency to monologue internally. I scratch the back of my ear, an annoying habit I gained from one of my summonings. When you live so many lives, you end up getting bad habits later on in life. Placing my body on autopilot while my mind wanders is one of them. It can get pretty bad, especially if Im driving.
For example, there was this one ti I drove from here in Chicago and found myself in Wisconsin several hours later. I shift in my chair. I left to get so groceries from a store a few miles away. Next thing I knew, I was sowhere in Wisconsin. Very annoying experience might I add.
But... It wasn't all bad though. There was this very cute girl at a store. We chatted a bit then I woke up in her bed.
Wait! How the hell did I get into her bed? Oh.
I think she may have drugged .
The two suited n stare back at , flabbergasted and confused.
They seem to have that expression a lot.
I blush Right...um we were talking about Bob no wait, it was about money?
Todd/Bob? Places his hand on his face and sighs deeply.
At least his friend seems fine Crud, what was his friend's na? Ugh nas are annoying.
Yes, Mr. Eludo, this whole conversation and the reason for us being here are so that we can find out where exactly you are getting millions of dollars, suited man number two explains to .
How many tis must I explain it to them?
Look, Ive told you the truth and nothing but the truth. Its not my fault that the governnt is unprepared for dealing with the supernatural.
Both n groan loudly, exhausted from dealing with the man before them, their day getting worse every second.
When they had been told to look into a young man who had been rather randomly... depositing excessively large amounts of money, they thought it would be a simple job.
They initially figured the young man had an overseas account with a large financial backer who had been sending large sums of money.
Unfortunately, It was far more complicated than that.
Look, kid, all we want is the actual truth. None of these lies about magical beings and gods.
Before I can answer, my soul vibrates internally, signaling the incoming of a powerful being.
Oh, thank god literally and figuratively.
I stand up off my cozy chair, Alrighty, I clap my hands, as much as I would love to continue this conversation about how I gained my unfathomable amount of wealth and sexy body. I, unfortunately, do have plans for the night. So I must ask you both to leave. I gesture towards my door.
The two detectives look at each other and nod, having already talked to the young man for several hours already. Gaining no useful information, they quickly pack up and leave.
As I shut the door behind them, I walk towards my chair and sit down.
Not even a minute since they left, I hear the sound of a screeching wooden door. My head turns towards my closet, finding an extrely handso man in a red and black suit, standing confidently in the now open doorway.
With perfect posture, he walks forward, shoes striking the wooden floor with purpose, a relaxed and confident smile donning his face as he does so.
He walks to the second lounge chair to my left and just drops down without a word. Right leg crosses over the left as his gloved hands find their place on his knee.
Ehhh I would give that entrance a seven out of ten. He could have very easily gotten an eight if he hadnt entered through a closet this is the seventh ti a god had chosen to use that specific closet...
*Silence*
Neither I nor the god is willing to make the first move. We continue to sit and stare, waiting and watching.
So that's how you want to play it.
With a grunt, I position my elbow on the armrest, hand holding up my head as I take a calculating look at the man.
Confident, easygoing smile, relaxed unmoving posture, eyes glinting with absurd intelligence but that smile. A cheeky, know it all, calculating god doesn't ever have a smile bursting with confidence Heh, so you expect to agree.
I accept.
His eyebrow lifts up.
I mimic his smile. I accept the job. When do I start?
The muscles on his lips twitch.
I win!
His smile widens further, showing his teeth as his calm eyes narrow with a hint of insanity.
Explain. He voices authoritatively, not at all used to being read.
Ahhhh fuck. Of course, I have to get an insane god as an employer.
*Sigh* All heroes have one trait that allows them to beco well, heroes. I pause, thinking about how to word this correctly.
My own trait... is that I have absurd intuition. I know and perceive things to an instinctual level. Thus, it becos difficult to hide anything from .
I scratch the backside of my ear, For example, I know that you have absolutely no experience in dealing with heroes and that I am your first.
And that you had this long speech prepared to convince to work for you, completely expecting to accept.
I fidget in my seat, his piercing gaze making feel slightly uncomfortable.
I uh figured it would be better to accept and save you so ti.
The god blinks, his smile widens further.
Heh. the god shakes his head, Excellent truly excellent. I must say Mr. Elduo, You have completely exceeded my expectations.
Yay, I get to live!
The god sits back into his chair, still smiling like a sexual predator.
Yup, still insane.
With a flourish of his hand, a golden contract appears above his palm, floating a few inches in the air.
I was expecting the great Quasi, professional hero extraordinaire, to be sothing of a rcenary but I am very much delighted that I was wrong. You are far more capable.
The god flicks his hand. The contract quickly flies through the air, stopping in front of .
Picking it up, I start to read, finding that this god has used the template I have put on my website.
Mhmmm length of term is until death reward is at least 10 million in Arican currency blah blah blah destroy the world what?
You need to destroy the world? I ask.
He nods, I am a god of chaos. And as a god of chaos, my job is to create change. Unfortunately, the world Orbis has been stagnant for such a long ti that drastic asures must be taken, so the world must end.
Iiiiiinnnnnnssssssaaaaannnneeeeee!
So you want to destroy the world so it can be saved that's quite a tall order. What do I have to work with?
Unfortunately, I need you to be as ignorant as possible on the world. The only advice I can give is that you should not fear the mist.
Oh boy I am going to be summoned to a world I know nothing about fuck.
Well, can you at least tell your na?
He shakes his head.
This just gets better and better*sigh*
Giving up, I turn to the contract before and continue reading.
A body will be provided in the image of the summonee I whisper.
Interesting, seems like humans are a species. That makes it a lot easier.
The world is mana-rich
So ti will travel significantly faster in the other world. Always good.
Summoning will be unorthodox...
Never saw that before.
Finishing up on reading the contract, I press my hand on the paper and feel my soul shift. The contract glows and disappears, my soul now connected to the god.
Well then Mr. Eludo, I bid you farewell. I must prepare your summoning, which should happen within the week.
The god lifts up his hand.
*Tap*
Reality bends in front of . Like a pool of water converging, the god disappears to wherever he needs to go.
I pause, a frown finds itself on my face as I stare at the location the god had disappeared from.
That fucker just stole my chair!
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