“Hard right, helmsman!” I shouted to nobody as I spun the wheel, changing the gear ratio between the tracks and causing Queen Lorna to turn and align with the gno garage cave entrance. I noticed the main mast was too tall to fit inside the cave. The whole vehicle was too large to do anything inside.
At the garage entrance, more and more gnos approached, staring at the approaching contraption. So adjusted the lens of their goggles, and a few were passively eating sand dust because their jaws stopped working. As the threads pulled the machine out of the sand and on solid rock, I disengaged the drive train and throttled the air intake of the steam engine, slowing down the furnace fuel consumption. Finally, I shifted the flywheel to charge from the steam engine and blew the locomotive whistle.
The gnos startled and jumped away when the whistle rang.
After making sure the cargo hold with my precious surprise bribes was locked and the firewood supply covered by a well-tied silk tarp, I left the cabin and walked to the prow.
“Howdy there, you filthy gnos!” I shouted. I looked at where I was, the audience, and I couldn’t hold back. I spread my arms and scread, “I’m the king of the world!”
A gno walked forward into the sunlight. It was Midhusband. “Wyxnos’ mysteries! Who are you? And what is this monstrosity?”
“A decade ago you auctioned off, old man!” I spat back. More gnos ca out of the cave. So of them stared at like they’d seen a ghost. “You there! Took for dead, eh?”
I wouldn’t ntion I had actually died, though.
“Wyxnos’ rcy, it’s Tina!” The driver of the vehicle I fell from shouted. “Tina is back! She survived the sands and brought us Wyxnos’ mighty war machine!” He ran inside to spread the misunderstanding.
Did I ntion I hate these gnos spewing that guy’s na every other sentence?
The gnos, encouraged by the news rushed to see the vehicle. They started to climb aboard but I let them. I was sure I had gno-proofed Queen Lorna. I set up the windmill to keep the flywheels from losing power and adjust the direction to catch the most wind.
A couple of gnos were chewing one of the firewood blocks. “That’s not edible. That’s for burning.”
“So are,” the gno retorted and shrugged. “This is too dry, though.”
“Fire thing! What is this? A forge to craft more machines out on the sands?”
“This machine is not from Wyxnos! It doesn’t have Wyxnos’ blessed rust. See? It’s all smooth tal! Give your dagger, let scratch this and pee on the tal. It’ll grow more rust!”
“If you scratch my machine, I’m going to wipe the rust with your blood!” I threatened the guy who wanted to ruin the thing.
“I sll sothing good!” Another sniffled next to the cargo hold. “What’s inside? I think I slled this once in the body of a giant!”
“Food?” Another asked the nosy one.
“I’m going to kill all the kobolds with this mighty crossbow!” Yet another gno was playing with the ballista. All the weapons were locked and safe.
“help get up there! I want to see what’s up there!” Said a gno that was trying to climb the mast.
“Hold to the spinning thing and it will lift you there, idiot!” Another said and tried to grab the windmill paddle.
“The machine spirit is angry! Quick, bless it in the na of the emp... Wyxnos!”
“Where’s all the loot?”
“Where do you attach the coils?”
“I hear sothing spinning in here!”
“Why are these wheels wrapped in blankets?”
The whistle blew. I went to the cabin and removed the handle.
I really hated gnos.
But I hated Wyxnos and that kobold bitch more.
I thought the novelty would die down after a while but I underestimated the number of gnos that ca to see the machine. As so grew tired of exploring Queen Lorna, a new batch would rush out of the tunnels and repeat the process all over again.
“Tina!” Grenniana ca running. She was four years old now and already… I don’t know how many apples are tall. I didn’t bring any apples.
“Grenniana!” I hugged the girl. “I’m sorry I couldn’t co back earlier!”
These gnos grew too fast. She hugged back, sniffing and patting to make sure I was real. “You’re alive! They said you fell on the sands and the kobolds ate you.”
It was the cue to start my plan. I would convert the gnos and then lead them to fight against the kobolds. Maybe convert the kobolds after I wiped that stupid oasis out of existence. Then make this siphon my property. Or destroy it.
“I fell on the sand, but this goddess helped . The Matriarch.”
Here it goes. The gnos were monotheists until that mont. They only knew Wyxnos and to them, it was a word that ant “deity”. It was ti to cajole and bribe them into expanding their horizons. Silence reigned at the foot of the mountain.
“A goddess? A female goddess? Not Wyxnos?” Grenianna asked the question on the lips of every gno silently listening to us.
“Yes! The Matriarch! She’s the caretaker of several species, and she wants to help the scavenger gnos against the kobolds! It was thanks to her that I got this war machine here. Let’s convey at the grand cave and I’ll explain everything. Let get one thing from the trunk first.”
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
I used the key to unlock the cargo hold and extricated a rather large chest from it. The gnos with a better sense of sll were quickly drawn to the chest while the others with chanical inclinations were puzzled by the lock. I checked the other two chests sitting in the cargo hold before I locked it back.
I moved with my sweet-slling chest across the tunnels, Grenianna stuck to my waist and a throng of gnos that only grew larger following behind. I took the spot where I was once sold as a slave and let the gnos occupy the cave.
“What’s in the chest, Tina? It slls so good!” Grenniana asked.
“Oh, don’t worry. You’ll be the first one to know. I need you to help , okay?”
“Anything. I’ll do anything you say. But please don’t leave alone.”
“I won’t.”
So gnos tried to climb on the rock to sll the chest but I pushed them away. “Go fetch the clan leaders and the matrons that can move if you want to know what’s in the chest before the others,” I ordered them. The poor fellows dashed away, pushing other gnos aside.
“I fell on the sand!” I shouted to the crowded cave, that contained most of the gnos in the whole complex, including the females. “And the Kobolds took prisoner. I learned their secret location, deep in the bowels of the desert. The Matriarch’s power rescued and brought back with the mighty machine you saw outside.”
“Is she Wyxnos?” A gno shouted above the crowd.
“No. She’s another goddess. One that wishes the best for the children that accept her in her heart. Hear ! If you pledge yourselves to the Matriarch and put Wyxnos behind, she’ll grant even greater blessings. One of them is right inside here! And she’ll grant you a triple Exp multiplier, so long you remain loyal and don’t worship the false god Wyxnos.”
“Bullshit! Wyxnos will smite you. And kill anyone that accepts this stupid woman god!”
“No, he won’t. And I’ll show you! Grenniana, would you be the first? This girl, she’ll receive the Matriarch’s gift without pledging her allegiance. You’ll see by her face how she rates the Matriarch gift compared to any shiny junk any one of you could ever give her!”
I used the key to open the chest and took a paper bag out of the two thousand inside. The sll wafted outside and I had to shut the lid imdiately. It was self-locking because I knew what was going to happen. So gnos had already figured out what was in the chest by the sll alone.
“What is this, Tina? It makes my belly rumble!” Grenniana asked like a kid on Christmas eve.
“Here, for you. Open the bag and you can eat what’s inside,” I said as I fended off gnos that wanted to steal the chest.
“I TOLD YOU!” One of them slapped his fellow gno. “And I say, there’s more inside the shiny tal vehicle! We must get it!”
“Hold,” I said to the would-be thief. “You’ll get yours soon enough. Steal from my machine and you’ll feel the other side of the Matriarch. Grenniana, eat it.”
The girl reached inside the bag and ca out with a chocolate chip cookie. Baked by yours truly. She bit the tip and made the most delightful gormandizing groan ever. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she slowly munched on the cookie like it was her last. A crowd of gnos held their collective breath as they watched.
“Praise the Matriarch! Tina, can I have another one?” She shouted and broke the silence.
“Praise the Matriarch!” A random gno shouted back. “Give one too!”
“Hold, everyone! Let’s negotiate!”
> Contested Charisma test Won. Negotiations started.
That should stop any hostile actions and keep grubby grabby hands from my cookies. These base species fellows couldn’t compete with my Charisma score and social traits. I recognize I was slowly opening up to the idea of using them.
“Grenniana, do you pledge allegiance and worship to the Matriarch, benefactor of the allied species, Goddess of Knowledge and learning, and bringer of baked pastries?”
I felt like a drug dealer. That was rich in a society where the males secreted… that stuff the ladies literally craved.
“I do! I swear my fealty and allegiance to the Matriarch to the day I die!” The girl professed, then added in a lower voice, “Can I have another cookie?”
“Soon. Now, I need to look after the other lost sheep. Wyxnos is no more! The Matriarch will reign supre! Triple Experience! And a cookie! Now, everyone who truly wishes to pledge allegiance, kneel!”
I’ve never seen ten thousand cookies vanishing so fast, leaving with three very empty chests. So gnos dove inside to lick the bottom in hopes of finding another crumb. Another fix for their new addiction. Bribed by pastries designed in another world and baked with literal magic, the scavenger gnos quickly converted themselves to the new faith. After the chocolate sugar rush faded, so of them confird the triple Exp buff existed by crafting so trinket. That was a huge boon for a society so starved for Exp like them.
The matrons and mothers quickly converted too, as they, in one spokesgno’s words, “were rather fed up with the male-centric prevailing system of worship.”
It was an anarcho-capitalist society. Why wouldn’t their faith go to the highest bidder?
A year later...
I climbed the staircase leading to the mountains and the outside of the dead magic zone to check on my deity interface. I was curious to see if the gnos gave any Divinity, if I had stolen anything worth sothing from Wyxnos already. I squealed with joy as I saw it did. I also took a bag of seeds out of my item box and walked back down. The gnos needed to learn agriculture already.
During the last year, the cave complex was overtaken by hard work. With food in their bellies courtesy of the item box and clean fresh water from the sa place, we converted parts of the mountain into crop gardens and I changed the path of discharge from one mountain lake that was fed by thawing snow to bring water to the gno settlent. This way, we started to produce our own food at the foot of the dead magic zone.
I splurged and granted Grennianna and a few other gnos who were the most loyal {Arcane Magic Resistance}, the whole five ranks to the girl, and the first one to the others. It was far from making the experience of stepping into the magical world pleasant, and Grenniana would have to wait until she ca of age but it was a step in the right direction.
I started to train and specialize the gnos with distinct professions and make the newly-activated boys take on these roles. Thus the inedit (and of ridiculously high rarity) Classes of [Dung Beetle Breeder], and [Dead Magic Farr] were created by the System. I kid not, these guys were the strongest among the whole settlent.
The dung beetles were used for waste disposal, materials, and Exp farming. Their carapaces could be used as crafting materials although the at was utterly disgusting even for the gnos. But the little monsters, like most out there, didn’t mind cannibalism so the nutrients were promptly recycled.
Useless trash and offal were constantly scooped out of the lower tunnels and dumped on the sands for disposal. The gnos were slowly reclaiming their ancestral caves. A fortune in coins was also discovered, and now I had an easy way to appropriate them in my item box. Just carry the literal bags of cash up the stairs, cross into the magic world, and bang! Profit.
I also trained a few gnos to work as masons, and these were responsible for carving the tunnels and making them more navigable. Narrow sections were cut open and the floor smoothed out to allow faster travel.
Queen Lorna was a success. I had minor problems with sand entering where it shouldn’t but a quick pit stop outside the dead magic zone fixed it. I had a crew of trained gnos who got used to manning the crossbows, ballistae and operating the cranes for safe loot retrieval. The tracked vehicle lost in speed to the fastest coil-powered machines the gnos had but we didn’t have to worry about running out of power or going too fast. We had kobold sightings but they avoided any engagent, staying well out of firing range.
I perfected the project and was already thinking of making another, upgraded machine. Before I could commit to the crafting part, however, sothing happened.
We were out on the desert, collecting salvage in quantities no gno had ever seen. It was a day like any other when the scout up on the crow’s nest shouted,
“KOBOLDS! By the Matriarch, it’s a lot of kobolds!”
I left the cabin, jumped on the roof, and from there on the crow’s nest. I focused my elven vision on the horizon and truly enough, the kobolds were re-enacting the charge of the Rohirrim of Hollywood fa, minus Sir Ian McKellen. In Gandalf’s place, a certain [Saintess].
The gauntlet was thrown the mont she commanded her raptor riders to charge. The war for the dead magic poop desert had begun.
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