Sotis we must admit that when you no longer feel pain, it's not because the wound has healed, but because as ti passes, the pain beca part of your body, another default rhythm besides heartbeat and breathing.
But maybe just one careless remark, one similar scene, or even just a montary feeling, like being lightly pricked by a needle, and that pain hidden deep inside will flow up through your veins, making you suddenly freeze amid the noise.
It beca part of us.
......
Ling Xi pressed her back against the cold tiles. Only the dripping sound from the sink went tap, tap. Nothing else. The fluorescent light overhead emitted harsh illumination.
Her pupils constricted, the corners of her mouth curved into a self-mocking smile. Suddenly, a physiological nausea rushed to her head. She tightly covered her mouth, still maintaining an elegant, composed posture, even though her lunch was about to co up.
After a mont, she looked at her phone screen. There was a ssage from an unknown number, content extrely concise, cold, and carrying an unquestionable command.
"Ling Xi, call back imdiately to xxxxxxxxxx, regarding your activities in the country and the family's reputation."
Such a familiar feeling. One text ssage, like an order, deciding a person's entire life just like that.
Her thoughts returned to her father's cold eyes when he received that text ssage over ten years ago, and at the airport in Arica, that rciless retreating figure.
See? This is how 'defects' in the family are handled.
Her finger hovered above the screen, her mind in chaos, but her eyes showed struggle.
Ignore it? Delete it? Just pretend it never happened?
Or...
Call back?
A feeling called disgust suddenly grew in the depths of Ling Xi's heart. The corners of her mouth curved into a self-mocking smile.
She loathed this family. She loathed this thought. She loathed even more that she shared their dirty blood, and the version of herself currently considering this thought.
Her heart felt like it was being violently squeezed. She took a deep breath, the struggle in her eyes replaced by coldness.
Let call and listen, see what new tricks they can co up with, so I can extinguish that last non-existent spark in my heart.
Not the undignified begging of the past, nor grandiose negotiation,
She was going to confirm.
Just how shaless can this family be?
Her finger descended, pressing that cold number.
"Hello, Miss Ling Xi, you're exactly ten minutes late."
The voice had been specially processed. Stable, restrained, lifeless.
"First, welco back to the country. We've noticed your... achievents overseas. This proves your personal capabilities."
"Thank you, unknown sir or madam. May I ask what you want?"
Ling Xi bit her teeth tightly, speaking in a calm voice.
"The family has always been concerned about your developnt. Your talent can be displayed even overseas, which brings us comfort. The dostic market is large with many opportunities. With your current background and credentials, returning to develop here has broad prospects."
Ignoring her distant tone, the voice was friendly, sincere.
They’re really playing the part.
No wonder they're a family deeply entrenched in the entertainnt industry.
Ling Xi couldn't help but sneer coldly. She clenched her fists, inexplicable anger in her heart.
Do they still think I'm that child from back then? One carrot, one stick.
"Oh? Comfort? I thought the family 'defect' completely disappearing, or just dying overseas, would be your greatest comfort. I'm just the garbage you threw away back then that happened to shine a little in the recycling bin.
"Does this little bit of light now rit your 'comfort'?"
The tone on the other end sank slightly, but still maintained decorum.
"Past matters. The family had its considerations. That was the most beneficial choice for both you and the family under those specific circumstances. You're mature now, you should be able to understand the logic behind such business decisions. Dwelling on the past is aningless. What matters is the future, isn't it?"
A trace of mockery suddenly erged in the voice on the other end.
"Besides, Ling Xi, after all these years, aren't you still using this surna?"
"This na was given to by my mother! Her bones don't flow with your filthy blood!"
But the other side changed tack.
"Hehe, of course, returning to develop dostically, the family is willing to provide you with top-tier resources and support, creating the most suitable path for you..."
Ling Xi took a deep breath and calmly interrupted.
"The conditions? Let guess. Do I need to sign an indenture contract, change my na, and never ntion that bit of filthy blood relation with you? All public activities and behavior must pass your review? Gild your 'perfect' family's image?"
"Hehe, don't be so distant, Ling Xi. We're all one family, what's this 'you' and 'us'? Do you know how many artists out there have the surna Ling in their real nas? This is a win-win situation. The family provides the platform and protection, you display your talent. Without the family background, do you think you can walk smoothly dostically?"
The condescending tone, as if everything was within their grasp, was nauseating.
"Think about it. If the dia digs deep and discovers the real reason you were quietly placed overseas back then, your birthmark, what will it be described as? Genetic defect, impure bloodline. Just a pitiful creature sacrificed in wealthy family secrets. The family history is long, but in all these years, you're the only one born with a defect.
"If the family wants, your personal efforts will be defenseless before the surging public opinion and associations. Do you think the family doesn't control much dia?"
The voice on the phone went on and on, noisy beyond asure. She stared at the white tiles on the wall, her thoughts stirring.
That year, I also curled up in a bathroom corner crying like this, knees against the cold water tank. But after the cold ca a pair of warm hands, gently stroking my forehead.
"If you keep crying, your eyes will swell like peaches."
Mother's smiling words seed to echo in her ears again. She was a very beautiful woman who climbed up from the bottom step by step to her current position. After marrying into the Ling family, because of Ling Xi's birthmark, in this family with an extre obsession with "image perfection," she was ostracized and faced her husband's disgust and neglect.
He believed the mother and daughter dragged him down, making him face cold looks in the family too.
But mother remained like a sunflower, spreading light while actively living, bringing warmth and brightness to her world.
She threw herself into mother's embrace. Warm, with a refreshing fragrance. Mother would hold her, arms circling her back, gently patting.
Mom's embrace was always dry and warm, her heartbeat steady, one beat at a ti. Not like herself, tears always flowing from her eyes, swollen, so ugly, and that black mark on her leg that wouldn't wash off no matter what.
"Mommy, why do they all hate ..."
Little Ling Xi's eyes were still red, but she'd stopped crying. She raised her small face, looking at mother's warm smile as she asked.
Before mother could answer, father's door-slamming sound ca from outside the stall. The sound was loud and frightening, but in mommy's embrace, she wasn't afraid anymore.
"What are you doing hiding in the bathroom? A bunch of useless people!"
The rough voice mixed with alcohol fus. "What's the use of raising her this big? Just a defective waste! Money-wasting thing!"
But mother just pressed her deeper into her embrace, gently covering her ears with her palms.
"Don't listen to him, don't listen to them. Our Xixi is so cute, how could anyone hate you?"
Mother's voice was like being soaked in warm water, making one feel cozy.
But little Ling Xi clearly felt her hands trembling.
Mother pulled out a fruit candy from her pocket and stuffed it in her mouth. The candy wrapper rustled by her ear, covering the shouting outside.
"Hold it in your mouth. When you eat sweet things, you shouldn’t cry. It will make it taste bad."
Back then, father always said the two of them were vampires, two wastes who couldn't earn any money and dragged him down. But Xixi clearly rembered. Before, it was mother who went out to act and earn money, until one ti father picked up a wrist-thick stick and swung it toward mother's leg...
He would throw the flour mother just brought ho onto the ground, smash green glass bottles into shards all over the floor, and in winter nights, secretly turn off the radiator valve in their room.
But Xixi actually quite liked those winter nights. Every ti she felt cold and was about to wake up frozen, she could always feel a pair of warm hands gently lifting her into an embrace, holding her tightly. Though it was still a bit cold, she always slept soundly.
Later, the day mother left was also such a winter day. The ambulance siren wailed in the snow-filled sky. It was noisy, making sleep impossible. She watched mommy lie down on a small white bed, expression peaceful.
Mommy is so tired. The sunflower sleeve she was embroidering for is only half done.
So cold. Mommy should co back to hug soon, right?
Little Ling Xi thought this as she lay by the window.
Later, Ling Xi always liked eating fruit candies. Even during those days in Arica when she trained desperately and controlled her diet, she would secretly put one in her mouth in the deep nights when she couldn't sleep. The air conditioning in the mansion was very warm, and she'd hug her pillow tightly, just like how mommy hugged her.
But since then, she never again held another person's warm hand, never again entered such a warm embrace.
In her world, that crooked sunflower finally withered.
"Hello? Hello!? Are you listening..."
The voice on the phone continued to chatter.
Ling Xi caught her breath from the mories, wiped her face, cleared her throat. She took a deep breath, as if expelling the last bit of foul air from her chest.
"Are you finished?" Her voice was calm and resolute.
"My birthmark? It's on my body, it's part of . You're the ones who see it as a scourge, not ."
Ling Xi rubbed the arrow-through-heart tattoo on her inner thigh, a figure surfacing in her mind.
"You see it as a defect. I'd rather say it's proof of my uniqueness.
"As for my career... I built it brick by brick. If it can be easily destroyed by public opinion, that ans it wasn't solid to begin with. I accept that. But if you think you can use these things to threaten … Dream on!
"From the mont you threw out, I had no family. Never will again. I won't sign any agreent, won't have anything to do with you. Stay away from . If you dare monitor or try to control again, I don't mind letting the whole world see how a so-called 'perfect and flawless' century-old family treats its own flesh and blood behind the scenes. Let's see whether your reputation is more precious or my life is harder."
The other end fell silent for a mont, seemingly not expecting her to refuse everything so calmly and resolutely.
That voice finally lost its composure, carrying a trace of offended anger and icy warning: "Ling Xi, you'll regret this..."
Beep...
The call was hung up with a snap by Ling Xi. The busy tone sounded.
The world was quiet again.
So quiet she could hear her own breathing.
She slowly lowered her phone, the call log still remaining on the screen.
A bit disgusting. She deleted it.
She stared at the white tiles before her. Not many people ca to this internet cafe, but she hadn't expected even the bathroom here to be so clean and tidy, as if no one had ever used it. The air still carried fragrance.
The bathroom stall was small. She leaned against the wall, the cold water tank in front of her. A bit cramped.
A bit like an embrace.
She suddenly crossed her arms and straightened up, no longer leaning against the wall, because the wall was too cold.
Everything here was cold.
No anger or collapse as she'd anticipated, only a boundless emptiness and chill.
She looked down at her manicured nails, at these clothes she'd specially and carefully selected and dressed in for him, best displaying her charm, worth a fortune.
She suddenly felt like a joke.
She said the Ling family blood was filthy and foul, but she herself flowed with Ling blood, deep into her bones.
She'd used the sa thods as them to investigate Xie Ci. What difference was there between her intentions and theirs?
He must have already discovered it.
She covered her face, exhaled, suddenly feeling this was actually fine, being able to be alone quietly.
Disgusting.
This version of myself is disgusting.
She slowly crouched down, leaning against the door panel. Suddenly, she didn't want to think about anything anymore.
So tired. Let rest a bit.
......
She didn't know how much ti passed. The silence was like a sponge, swelling the entire space. She could even count the intervals of her breathing.
Until, footsteps ca from the end of the corridor.
She initially thought it was echoes from the water pipes. She'd been alone here for a long ti. At this hour, it should be empty, and they should have gone back too. The dorm would have curfew soon.
But the sound beca more and more real, step by step tapping on the floor. The footsteps stopped at the bathroom entrance, paused, then walked toward the stall area.
Not auditory hallucination!
She held her breath.
The footsteps stopped at the stall door, paused, then took another half step forward.
Right behind her!
The air seed to freeze. Countless possibilities flashed through her mind, but she never thought of this one.
Three light knocks on the door panel, very gentle, as if afraid of startling the person behind the door.
She froze, hesitated for a mont, turned the lock, and pulled open a crack.
The hallway's night light finally shone in, casting a ray of light into this pitch-black stall.
He stood there, holding her bag. The mont he saw her, he hesitated, scratched his head, and said sowhat embarrassedly:
"Um... it's too late, they already went back first. I... I'm a bit afraid of the dark. Could you, could you walk back?"
After speaking, he reached out his hand toward her, his warm palm spreading warmth in this cold corner.
She suddenly rembered hiding in the bathroom as a child, how mother also called her na through the door panel like this.
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