The distance between her fingertip and the screen was rely an inch. Just a slight release of force, a touch, and it could be severed.
But why couldn't she press it?
What am I even thinking?
Relief? Reluctance? Determination to say goodbye to the past? Or fear of facing the future?
She didn't know.
Her finger hovered over the delete button for a very long ti.
As if possessed by a ghost, she opened the chat records again.
She slowly scrolled through as if searching for an answer, reading word by word.
After she sent Xie Ci the first photo, that ugly birthmark on her leg was replaced by a pure black arrow-through-heart tattoo. The photos she sent gradually beca more alluring. The black tattoo standing out against her pale white thighs added several points of temptation, with various seductive poses and sexy outfits.
What she had once been most sensitive about, most insecure about, most disgusted by, seed to have beco what she was most proud of, most pleased with, most confident about,
Her most "valuable" asset.
The chat records were gradually filled with leg photos. Xie Ci never spared praise. For each different style of picture, he would carefully give his thoughts. But beyond that, he would continue asking about her life, just like before.
Yet the chat records were still hopelessly filled with these leg photos, gradually, slowly, spreading more and more.
But this wasn't what she was looking for.
She frantically scrolled through the screen, her blue eyes emitting a focused gaze, staring straight at the pristine screen as if trying to pierce through it.
But she still didn't find it.
Finally, her gaze stopped on a retracted image ssage.
[Promise a few things. First, delete those kinds of photos imdiately and never take such revealing photos again. Second, always put yourself first. Third, whenever you feel uneasy, tell directly. You don't need to use this thod.]
These were clearly such caring, such warm words that she had already silently read hundreds and thousands of tis in her heart.
But when she saw these words again, what erupted from the bottom of her heart wasn't the usual warmth.
Sadness, pain, sha. All kinds of emotions piled up in her chest like rotten mud.
A thought she was unwilling to acknowledge sprouted in her heart, and that last bit of hope seed about to be extinguished.
She opened that video again.
Laughter ca from the speakers. They were small screams when she was startled, but they seed to carry warmth, a certain emotion that didn't seem real to her.
Ye Li's gaplay in the video was sowhat painful to watch, like a burden. Yet the bullet comnts were filled with laughter and joy. Xie Ci was constantly exasperated by her antics, having to go back and clean up her ss.
Until finally, Ye Li simply dropped her controller. From the sound, you could tell Xie Ci was operating both characters simultaneously, overwheld and sighing, yet his tone seed to have a certain relaxed quality, like a layer of soft light.
In the end, they still managed to pass through without real danger. Even Ling Xi found herself unconsciously holding her breath for him.
So he could be like this too.
She suddenly recalled what it was like playing gas with him. When teaming up with him, she was always tense, operating as smoothly as if going to war. When she occasionally made mistakes, she couldn't help but cry out, her tone filled with a heavy competitive spirit, as if this was a battle that decided her worth—after losing, she'd be nothing but pure trash, worthless.
In gas, she always couldn't help checking the scoreboard. If her K/D ratio was higher than Xie Ci's, she'd breathe a sigh of relief, as if she'd passed so necessary hurdle. If her K/D was lower than his, a sense of panic would linger in her heart.
For this reason, she remained silent throughout, her nerves taut. Her telling Xie Ci she didn't want to speak in videos was just a stupid excuse.
No wonder the audience ignored her.
She looked at the top-liked comnt in the comnt section: [Prison Ci finally has a female fan? He's recorded gas with male fans before, but a female fan… this is the first ti, right?]
She stared at that comnt for a long ti, suddenly feeling her eyes getting blurry.
She used to think Xie Ci was stupid. Sitting on a million fans without making money, treasuring a broken account, refusing skins she offered to buy him, refusing equipnt she offered to give him. He was like a stubborn mule, clinging to his persistence.
Turns out I was the most stubborn one.
He once told her "certain things change when money gets involved." At the ti, she only took it as an excuse for his stubbornness.
She had always thought she understood Xie Ci best. After all, she was the one who first broke through his gentle shell and saw his "forbearance" when insulted by fans. She was the one who dared show him the birthmark on her inner thigh, knowing he wouldn't show disgust like her family mbers. She was the one who fought with him in gas until the world turned upside down, thinking that was the closest distance.
She rembered saying "I'll carry you to rank up next season." Now she found those words ridiculous. He never seed to care about rank.
She only knew how to throw money around, use barbs, use leg photos to prove herself, yet couldn't even "have fun playing."
Watching the clumsiness and awkwardness in this video, observing the laughter that burst forth from fear in the bullet comnts, that last bit of hope in her heart disappeared.
Xie Ci's world already had another kind of liveliness she couldn't squeeze into. Her self-righteous way of "giving" had perhaps long since affected his life. He just never said so.
She couldn't even say "But I was here first" anymore.
She had never been there.
So disappearing quietly would be the best solution.
Ling Xi was about to pick up her phone when the ssage notification sound rang.
It was from him. He was the only one who would talk to her on this app.
Right, we were supposed to play OW2 together, him and... Ye Li...
Ling Xi placed her phone face-down on the desk, buried her face in her knees, and sat quietly for a long ti. The video on her computer continued looping.
She didn't know how much ti passed, she only knew her phone rang several more tis.
She raised her head, her eyes red-rimd, took the Spring City University acceptance letter that had been placed neatly on her desk like a treasure and threw it in the trash. She picked up her phone and put it down again, finally turning on Do Not Disturb mode.
She didn't even have the courage to face it anymore.
Turns out so things really can't be bought with money. Turns out while I was guarding that pitiful bit of "armor," I had already missed what I wanted most.
Her chest felt so tight.
Her eyes felt so sore.
Normally in this situation, she would go find Xie Ci to complain.
But what should I do now?
She opened Steam, her empty gaze sweeping over the dazzling array of gas in her library.
Her eyes landed on APEX, the first ga she and he played together.
She clicked in and sat in a daze in the lobby.
Completely uninterested.
After hesitating, she opened her friends list.
That avatar was gray.
She just stared at it, her eyes seeming to blur again.
Suddenly, that avatar lit up.
Like a startled kitten, she frantically pressed Alt F4.
She opened CS:GO next. She didn't want to play, but she didn't know why she was opening it.
She didn't know what she was waiting for either.
She suddenly felt very shaless.
Just as she was about to exit Steam, Steam's ssage notification sound rang.
Xie Ci: Ling Xi, go look at the pinned comnt in my latest video's comnt section.
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